Inner Strength
by siren
Summary: This starts like a somewhat dark fic, but then the real fun starts. Usagi is tested and tried until all she wants to do is die. Even when she is able to escape her destiny though, the one thing she can never escape is her past, and all of the secrets...
1. Default Chapter

Destined  
Chapter 1 ?  
By: Siren  
  
Authors Notes- this is a little dark in the beginning, but don't let it turn you away. It just sets the theme for the rest of the story. I hope you all enjoy it, and tell me if I should make it into a series, or just a one time thing. I also just want to warn you that this is a little different than other crossovers you might have read. I tried to make it unique, and I think that I succeeded. Also Mamoru lovers beware, you don't want to read this. And also REVIEW. You have no idea how much it motivates someone to write, and how it totally makes someone's day.  
Disclaimer-I do not own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing. If I did I would kill both Relena and Mamoru...slowly...they belong to their respective owners.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I stared at his fist in fear as it started to descend. It was almost like it was slow motion, the way it seemed forever before it finally connected with my stomach. I could barely suppress a grunt of pain as it finally connected. I had learned early that he takes pleasure from my pain. The more I cried out, the more he enjoyed it. Even if I had to stay with Mamoru, forever and into eternity, I could keep this one pleasure from him. This was one small comfort in my hell of a life, I could deny him this. No how matter how long, or how hard he beat me...I WOULD NOT grant him this. I WOULD NOT show pain.  
  
I looked up again, just in time to see his foot start to mover toward my stomach. I ignored his foot, and looked at what REALLY scared me... his eyes. It was always his eyes that told me just how mad he is. As I looked into his eyes I began to become even more afraid. I could tell that he was not only VERY mad, but very drunk also. It would be BAD tonight. Sometimes he would let me off easy, and other times it would be VERY BAD. I could never be sure before I went out with him, I was different every time.   
  
I couldn't help but wonder what set him off THIS time? Lately anything has been able to set him off, a little thing that I do wrong, or not exactly as I tell him to. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner that night...yes, that must be it. Mamoru has been telling me I've been getting fat, and I can tell that he is embarrassed whenever we go out and I pig out on the food. I've been eating less and less lately, but nothing is good enough.  
  
As he continued to beat me I went into my one and only safe haven, my head. Here is where I would escape the horrible life that destiny has dealt me. What was really here is my perfect man. No, he isn't perfect, I love him BECAUSE of his flaws. One day when Mamoru was beating me, I was trying to ignore the pain. This was when I first entered the gray area inside my head. This is where I first met my hero.  
  
He is someone loving and caring, someone who is everything that Mamoru is not. I have all of his traits down. I believe that my subconscious mind must have made him to be a comfort. There is no other way to describe how someone who is so perfect for me could suddenly appear in my time of need. Sometimes I like to pretend that he is real, but only to a certain point. I know that if I ever truly believe that he is real I will truly be insane. It's bad enough that I have an imaginary man.  
  
I have never imagined the perfect face for my man, but I still call him Heero, for my hero. For some reason that just seems the right thing to call him. After all, where else could this name have come from?  
  
Heero might seem cold on the outside, but I am the ONLY one who can find the goodness, the hero inside. There are so many things that I love about him. He is just so REAL. There are so many things that I can know about him. We often have deep conversations about everything, about life. I know him more than I know myself, even if he isn't real.  
  
Heero is my only safety. Without him I am sure that I would truly either go insane(if I'm not already, BECAUSE of him) or kill myself. Heero is my only reason for living. Life is cold and bleak without him. The only thing the real world has to offer if PAIN.  
  
The thing about Heero that is most important is I the way I can have SOMEONE who I can give my whole heart and soul to, even if it only is in my imagination. I would not want to live if I didn't have someone who I can love more than life itself. Even if in the flesh I had to be with Mamoru, my spirit, my heart, everything that made me ME would always be with Heero. Mamoru would only have a empty shell, while I lived in the gray area. In return he also gave me his heart, and promised never to hurt me. That was one assurance that I had. I could give him my heart, and he couldn't hurt me like Mamoru had, how could someone I dreamt up hurt me? I also needed someone to love me, otherwise why would I want to stay alive? Even if I have to stay with a man that I cannot stand, and who cannot stand me, at least I can pretend that I am not with him, and that I'm with Heero. My life here soon became more real than my 'real' life. That life would never be mine, because I will never be allowed to live it as I choose. What kind of life is a life where you do everything according to destiny? That just isn't living.  
  
I left Heero for a moment to think about what brought me here in the first place. I paused to think about my life so far...  
  
Everything seemed to be going great for a while. We had defeated the Sovereign of Silence and found Sailor Saturn. It seemed that we would FINALLY be at peace for a while, and I would FINALLY be able to truly get to know my Mamo-chan. We went everywhere, and it seemed like we were deeply in love. Then one night it all changed.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
we were going to Mamoru's apartment. Apparently he had some surprise gift for me that he wanted to give to me before we went to the restaurant that I had been pestering him for weeks to go to.  
  
I was REALLY excited. On the whole way there, I kept on imagining what this surprise could possibly be. I just LOVE surprises.  
  
When we finally DID get there, Mamoru told me to take a seat on the couch.  
  
"Don't go ANYWHERE Usako, I'll be right back with a big surprise! It's something that you would NEVER expect!"  
  
I waited impatiently for him to come back with something 'I would never expect.' I kept on imagining what it could possibly be. I started fidgeting with excitement.  
  
FINALLY he came back, he was holding a box wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper. He walked slowly over to me, and with sweet smile gave me the box.  
  
With the prized box finally in my hands, I instantly started wripping it apart, an to the mystery inside.  
  
I stared in shock at what he gave me. It certainly was unexpected...it was a...First Aid Kit.   
  
I just stared at my Mamo-chan in shock, this WAS unexpected.  
  
"What this for?" I asked curious.  
  
THEN was the first time I saw the mad glint in his eyes, slowly replacing the look of love and adoration that had before filled his eyes. That was when I first realized that he was showing me his true feelings towards me. They weren't of love, they were of hate.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
That was the first time he ever beat me, and he did it badly. I had not yet learned to keep my hurt to myself, and I had screamed, and screamed. I saw the smile of satisfaction on his face every time I did. He loved my screams more than he could ever love me. I was in shock that my precious Mamo-chan could ever hurt me.   
  
I was innocent before that night. I used to believe that the world was overall a happy place. That there was light at the end of every tunnel, and everyone had a good side, even pure evil.  
  
I cried for hours after he told me why he did it, and why he would continue. I can still remember the exact words that he used.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"You see USAKO" I winced at the way he said the formerly beloved nickname. It was so full of hate, just like anything that connected him to me. "I have never loved you, even as Endymion. When I first got my memories I remembered how much I hated you back then, and my past self told me what to do. He told me to pretend to love you for a while...and then show my true feelings when everyone knows that we cannot not be together, and then to tell you this: You will take everything that I give to you, without complaint. You will not leave me, and you will not tell anyone anything."  
  
I stared at him in shock as he said these words, I always believed that although Mamoru was bad, I always believed that Endymion and Serenity were really in love.  
  
"You see Usako, we are destined to be together, nothing either of us can do will ever change this. We will die, and be reborn, never being free of each other. YOU will never be free of me, and if you tell anyone, or try to run, I will make all of your future lives horrible, a living hell, forever and into eternity."  
  
"Just as there is no way you can escape me, there is no way I can escape YOU. There is no WAY that I am going to keep you the way you are. At least I can change you to better suit my own tastes. No more stupid ditz, now you will willing do whatever I tell you to do, and be whatever I tell you to be. You will act the way I tell you to, and if you don't I will make you suffer, sooner or later you WILL see my way."   
  
*End Flashback*  
  
I did do as he told me to, at least I didn't tell anyone what he did. The one thing that I didn't do is follow his every command. I would remain my own person, at least on the outside if only to spite him.  
  
This is the reason that he beats me so often. He thinks that sooner or later I will see things his way...I guess he doesn't know me very well then. The one thing that I can be sort of grateful for is that whenever he hits me, he does it in places that I can cover up. This is mainly my chest, stomach, and legs. This makes it much easier to lie to everyone. What they cant see, they cant ask questions about.  
  
Despite my convictions not to change, I did change. I became much more depressed, and everything I do is only with half a heart. If anyone bothered to look, I'm sure they would notice the change in my attitude, I guess I'm just to good of an actor.  
  
None of my friends or family had any idea what was going on. They buy the fake emotions that I put on, because they don't want to bother looking deeper into my attitude. I've always been cheery and full of life, why should they think that I would change? All they see if the cover emotions on my face, and knot the real look of sadness.  
  
They also don't seem to notice that I've been daydreaming more often every day. I spend less and less time in the real world, and more time in the gray place. Over time Heero did become my life, everything I did was for him, even living.  
  
I couldn't tell anyone about him of course, not that I would have any desire to. If they ever did find out that my life rotated around an imaginary man in my head, I'm sure I would be sent to the crazy house for good.  
  
I can feel the beatings stop. Mamoru must have either gotten tired, or passed out drunk. Without a sound I get up and walk up to my First Aid Kit, and patch up my bruises with the practice of someone who does this often.  
  
I quietly grab my things and creep out of the room. I don't want to accidentally wake him up and have him start over again. In his condition, he might go to far some time.  
  
Wearily I start walking home, ignoring my aches and pains with great stubbornness. I would not show pain, even if he wasn't here. I start the long walk home...  
  
Did I actually write that! I was planning a short beginning, but words just seemed to keep coming, and ideas that I didn't even plan on.  
  
So what do you think? I appreciate Flames, Advice, and anything you want to say. Even hi, would make my day, I need to know whether to finish it or not.  
  
e-mail me at sirencalling@yahoo.com  
  
I will post the possible next chapter after I get 10 reviews.   



	2. CHAPTER 3

Authors Notes- I don't have anything really to say, I think that I said it all in my important message. I hope you all enjoy the story. At first I was going to wait a long time to get it out, but then I saw all of the reviews that I got. I got up, expecting maybe one or two, like with my last story. What I saw made me start writing the next chapter RIGHT AWAY. This is what reviewing gets you! Actually, if any of you great reviewers out there can remember what Duo is called. _______ of death? I can't get the next chapter out until I know!  
Disclaimer- I do not own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing, I can however kill Mamoru...slowly...and painfully. That is if you all want it, I will try to put it in the story somewhere. *grins* I know you do!  
  
Here it is!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
I dragged myself out of bed, wincing slightly at the still fresh bruises that I had received last night. Once again I didn't get any sleep, I just kept dreaming about Mamoru ruining all of my lives to come, and Heero breaking up with me. I know it's sad to dream about that. After all I have SECURITY he can't break up with me because he isn't real, but I fear it all the same.  
  
I slowly climbed out of bed to get ready for school. Before school was just a living hell, now it's pure torture. I have to pretend that I care about what they are saying, or else my mother will not let me go on vacation this summer. Vacation meant time away from Mamoru, and that is something that I'm just not willing to give up.  
  
I climb into the shower, making sure that Luna isn't near by, it wouldn't do for her to see me just in a towel, or naked where she can see all of the bruises on my body. Once she saw one on my stomach, and it took me forever to convince her that I had fallen down, and I think that she I still suspicious.   
  
"Usagi, you are going to be late AGAIN! Get out here NOW!" I heard my mother Ikuko (sp.) shout.  
  
"I'll be right down mom" I shouted back half-heartily. Sometimes I wonder if I should just end it now, life isn't worth living, especially when you have school. Then I remembered Heero, school is usually the best time to visit him, because people expect me to daydream. No one really minds anymore, and they don't find it unusual at all.  
  
I run all the way to school, slowing down a little each time I rounded a corner. Mamoru said I would REALLY get it if I kept running into him. I just try to avoid him as much as possible without it seeming obvious anyway.  
  
I manage to make it out of there without any confrontations. I walk into the classroom only a few minutes late, and to my surprise Ms. Haruna didn't give my a detention. 'She must have a date tonight' I thought. That IS the only reason that she ever lets me get away without a detention for being late.  
  
I sat down on my seat, and prepared to put a convincing look of concentration on my face. What I would really be doing is talking to Heero. We never got to finish our last conversation. Heero is really smart, and he takes it upon himself to teach me what I can. I just figure that it must be all the stored knowledge in my brain that I haven't been able to understand. And Heero is just giving me that information, only in a way I can understand.  
  
He's supposed to finish teaching me physics, it's really an interesting subject, I just can never get it in school. I don't bother thinking about how someone I dreamt up can teach me, that is the road to insanity.  
  
I enter my mind, and to the gray area. I look around for Heero, anxious to see him again. He is always present in my head, but I just love our conversations, I can get so into them that I can totally forget about my life.  
  
I can feel glass shatter in my head! I look up and see the lake that we talk by in the gray area slowly falling apart! All of it is disintegrating! It was like a mirror shattering, and I quickly got out. I waited a few seconds to go back in the gray area. It was gone, as if it was never even there!  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, not caring about anything anymore. I didn't care about school, or the fact that everyone was looking at me like I was going insane. They didn't know just how right they are...   
  
**  
  
I heard a scream somewhere in the school. 'it must be a youma, I need to call the other scouts'  
  
I ran out of my classroom (AN. All of the scouts go to the same school in this story.) telling my teacher that there was an emergency at home and I was already late. She seemed to buy it, because she didn't argue as I ran out the door. 'boy that girl must have great breathing capacity! The screaming hasn't stopped in 5 minutes.' I checked the halls, and when I didn't see anyone transformed into Sailor Mars. There was a flash of fire, almost quicker than the eye could see, and Raye was gone.  
  
I ran outside the classroom where I could still hear the screaming. 'Usagi-Baka, this is her classroom, why hasn't she transformed yet.' I glanced around the hallways, and saw Lita, Amy, and Mina already transformed. 'they must have heard the screaming too.  
  
We ran inside, expecting to see some huge, ugly youma, and some cowering students, mainly the screaming girl. None of us expected what we saw however. There was Usagi, sitting on her desk and screaming as if the world was ending 'she and Mamoru must have broken up, what else would have broken her heart?'  
  
All of the students, and Usagi's teacher were staring at Usagi with worry. Who wouldn't with the way Usagi was carrying on.  
  
They hadn't noticed us yet, so I nodded to the other scouts and we walked out in the hallway to de-transform.  
  
I came back into the room. Finally the other students noticed us, and that we were Usagi's friends.  
  
"Can you help her" Mrs. Haruna asked. "She IS disturbing the class, and I have a feeling that something isn't right."  
  
I decided that I needed to take things into hand. I walked over to Usagi, and with a expression of disgust on my face walked over to her and slapped her, hard.  
  
Usagi finally stopped screaming, but I never expected what happened next.  
  
**  
  
I felt the familiar feeling of a hand across my cheek, and my mind exploded with rage. I stopped screaming, and through a haze of red glanced up and saw Raye, looking at me with an expression of disgust on her face.  
  
I stood up and my mind still not thinking right slapped Raye back across the face, and then laughed at the expression of shock across her face.  
  
"Raye, if ANYONE touches me, I will kill them, so tell everyone to stay AWAY" I hissed into her ear.  
  
I marched out of the room still angry that someone had hit me. I was also thinking hard about what happened back in the classroom. After my outburst I knew that something must be done. I was thinking very rationally in this time of tragedy. It was like my life had been shattered with the shattering of the lake, and my heart had been shattered with the disappearance of my Heero. My mind was going downhill fast, because of everything combined.  
  
I always knew that without Heero to be a constant comfort in my head that I would either go insane or kill myself. I don't really wouldn't go insane, so the only thing to do I kill myself. I just needed to find a knife...  
  
Before I could do that I would need to cry, otherwise I couldn't do it. I collapsed onto the ground, mourning the loss of my only reason for living.  
  
***  
  
'Something is VERY wrong with Usagi, why would she HIT me?'  
  
We had all decided that there was something going on and that we needed to follow Usagi until we could find out what is going on.  
  
She appeared to be marching ahead a determined expression on her face, apparently thinking about something.  
  
Everything seemed to be going good, until she completely collapsed onto the ground.   
  
Worried about her I rushed forward and started to reach out to her in comfort. I saw the others start to do the same, but stopped them just in time.  
  
"Don't touch her, unless you want to die" I told the others. They just stared at me in shock at the new information.  
  
I could hear her singing something under her breath. Wondering what it was I leaned closer to make out the words.  
  
"Need to find a knife, Need to find a gun, Need to DIE DIE DIE!..."   
  
If I wasn't worried before I was scared out of my mind now. Usagi had a maniac expression on her face, and was rocking back and forth on the ground tears streaming down her face. She was also chanting the same words over, and over again, like a song.  
  
"um..guys. we need to get help. Something is VERY wrong with Usagi." I heard Amy tell the others.  
  
"Good idea." I heard Minako answer. "We had better go and get Mamoru, maybe HE can help her."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I know that you all want to kill me. To be honest I cant blame you, I would want to kill me too. I guess all you can do is review and tell me what you think of the chapter. I'm expecting flames, because you're supposed to be mad, otherwise you wouldn't be caring about the story.  
  
I just want to apologize about not beating up Mamoru yet in the story. I got enough reviews to realize that that is what you are asking for, and I cant blame you.  
  
Email me at Sirencalling@yahoo.com  
  



	3. PEACE!

Destined  
Chapter 3  
By: Siren  
  
Authors Notes- Apparently some of you have no clue whatsoever what is going on in this story... don't worry, that's the way it's supposed to be, and it will all come clear in the chapters to come. I cant tell you right off, because it would ruin the whole story! Thanks to all of you that told me that Duo is called the God of Death, or S... I cant even spell it, so I wont use it in the story. That's what I thought it was, but I didn't want to find out later that it was the 'Bringer of Death' or something.  
Here is another important note. I'm thinking of changing the title of the story to 'Inner Strength' what do you all think of it? Do you know of anyone else that has the same title? I don't want to copy someone's idea unknowingly. I want to thank Sunny-Chan for the title. I'm telling you it was totally inspired, you definitely have allot of talent.   
THANKS FOR REVIEWING!!! Unless you are a writer, you cannot have any idea how much even 'hi' can mean, especially when you are having a crummy day. LOL!  
  
One time when I was reading a story the author offered a contest to see what story would be the one she would work on. What she did was ask a question, and the first person who got the right answer got to choose the story that she would get the next chapter out first. I thought that that was a good idea, so I will be doing the same thing.  
QUESTION- what is my favorite color? The first person to get this right can choose what story I should get the next chapter out next. It can be either this one, 'Who Cares About Destiny?', and even 'Searching for a Hidden Past' it's totally up to you!  
  
Disclaimer- You'll never believe what happened the other day! I was playing poker in a club, and I came across the owners of both Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing! I know it's unbelievable, but true. First I managed to win the rights of Sailor Moon, and then Gundam Wing, so I really don't have to have a disclaimer! Great isn't it?..........Not buying it hun? I know it's kind of sad. I don't even know how to play poker, and I have never entered a club. Don't tell me my life is sad, I already know. This was actually a dream that I had the other day, and I became I Billionaire and life was great! I don't own either animes though, despite my wishful thinking so DON'T SUE! I have nothing! *gets on knees and begs* I was just kidding!  
  
Sorry for rambling...here is the story!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Through my haze of tears I managed to notice that the others had left. 'fools, how could they be stupid enough to leave my alone? I guess they don't think that I will leave...stupid fools.'  
  
I took advantage of their being gone to escape. There was no way that I was going to have them force me to live, and I was NOT going to be here when they come back with Mamoru.  
  
I quickly ran to my house, praying for time. I needed to tell my parents everything, I still love them, and they deserve to know that I'm killing myself, and why. I would tell them everything, but about Heero. They don't need to know about him, he's to special to have everyone know about.  
  
I run up to my room, not worrying about anyone seeing me. Mom is always shopping at this time of the day, and Dad is always at work. Shingo is always at school 'like I should be.'   
  
I grab a piece of pink notebook paper, and start scribbling.  
  
"Dear Mom, Dad, and Shingo-  
I really don't know how to say this, so I will tell you one thing. Ask my friends. Tell them that they owe me big, and they can pay me back by telling you all about the Sailor Scouts. You might be wondering how this can affect me, and my life, but they will explain everything.  
I'm so sorry to hurt you, and I'm sure that you will have trouble with what I am about to do. I have no reason for living anymore. My live is pre-determined, and here is no point in living it anymore. If I live there is no way I can escape my future, and destiny. I wont tell you why I'm leaving my boyfriend. It's O.K. if you keep on believing that I am obsessed with him. If you want to know the truth, tell Mamoru that he is finally free of me, and maybe in his joy he will tell you. It doesn't matter to me if you know or not.  
Leaving you is one of the things that I will regret most. I hate to leave you in pain, but your pain is nothing compared to the pain...the loneliness that I will experience if I keep on living, and since I know that you love me, I hope some day you can understand.  
Shingo, you are the best kid brother I girl could hope for. I know you think that I'm a stupid ditz, but I have always loved you, even when I tease you. I hope you will never forget you're stupid ditz of a sister, but don't mourn my loss. If you must do anything rejoice in the fact that I can finally be at peace...and free.  
Tell my friends good-bye. I wish we could have been closer, but I need to leave. Tell them that I will miss them, and will never regret the times we shared, even though it was the reason I had to follow my path of destiny.  
  
Also, don't expect to ever find my body. Don't even bother looking, you will never find it.  
  
With more love than I could ever put onto paper.  
  
Good-Bye.  
  
I nodded in satisfaction at the note. I didn't want to write about my 'relationship' with Mamoru, and how I have been fading out over time. If they wanted to find out, they would have to ask. Hopefully they will never know...I would never want to leave them with the pain. It wouldn't be fair, after all, I can escape it.  
  
After all that I needed to do was done, I went searching for a knife.   
  
"What are you doing home from school Usagi?"  
  
I whipped my head around at the sound of Luna's voice. I saw her in the doorway, looking at me with an expression of anger in her eyes.  
  
"I know you don't care about school, but you should at least GO!" she shouted "when will you EVER grow up?"  
  
I look at luna with a sad expression of my face. "I'll miss you Luna, even though you are the one that first brought me to my destiny. I know that is isn't your fault, and I don't blame you. Over time I have come to think of you as almost a substitute mother, and I will miss you."  
  
"What do you mean you will miss me Usagi! You aren't going anywhere! And I thought you had realized and accepted your destiny, why would you possibly blame me? I thought you where more mature than that!"  
  
Luna's words fell of deaf ears as I grabbed a butchers knife from the kitchen table.  
  
"What do you think you are going to do with that Usagi? You know if you want to cut something you should use scissors! I'll go get them for you."  
  
With luna finally gone I went outside. There was no way I wanted my parents to find my body. They wouldn't find it anyway where I'm going.   
  
I walked into an alleyway and prepared to use the Silver Crystal. I wanted to make one last wish before I died.  
  
I believed Mamoru's threats, and there is NO WAY that I am going to go through this hell of a life over, and over again.  
  
'Silver Crystal. I wish to go somewhere where it is impossible for me to be reborn once I die. I want to go somewhere where I wont be forced to live the same destiny over...and over.'  
  
There was a flash of light as the crystal took me into a forest. Satisfied that I could finally die, and stay dead, I plunged the knife into my stomach, and collapsed. There was the first sincere smile of my face, in a long time.  
  
  
**  
  
Queen Serenity stood and watched her precious daughter do all of these things. "I'm so sorry Usagi, I know you want to have peace, but I have to keep you alive. The only way I know how is to...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
HA HA HA!!!! I know that I'm evil, but in order to console you're burning hatred towards me I will tell you one thing to placate you... this is NOT the end of the story. What do you think that I hate Usagi or something like that? Just because I'm making her life horrible, and it's slowly getting worse, I wont do that do her...yet.   
  
REVIEW OR ELSE I WONT FINISH IT. I HAVE A NUMBER IN MY HEAD, AND UNTIL I REACH IT THERE WIL BE NO MORE. I'M MORE PATIENT THAN YOU AND I CAN WAIT A LONG TIME...  
  
  
  



	4. Who is she?

  
Destined aka. Ment to be  
Chapter 4  
By: Siren  
  
Authors notes- sorry for not getting the chapter out sooner. I've been going through a really bad writers block, and anyone who has any ideas on how this story could go TELL ME! I could use any help I can get! Thanks again to the reviewers, the only reason that I didn't give into the temptation of giving up the story, was because of your great reviews. Remember, if those are my reasons, and they stop, so does the story.  
Disclaimer- NOT MINE!  
  
****************************  
  
I ducked another bullet as it barely whizzed by my head. 'that was a little to close for my liking, I just hope someone doesn't get a lucky shot. Then it would be time to say good-by.'  
  
I ran through the corridors, dodging the occasional bullet, and basically running for my life. Not so much as for my life though, as for the mission. The doctors needed this information in order to do the upgrades necessary on our gundams in order to prepare them for the battles in the future. This information was essential to the survival of the rebellion, and even if it killed me, I would get the disk to the doctors. I just couldn't die in the process.  
  
This mission was all mine this time, so I wouldn't have anyone else there to back me up. I didn't even know where they were now, so I couldn't really count on them anyway.   
  
I saw a door to the hangar up ahead, and made a dive for it. I flew through the opening, and rolled to brief safety.   
  
This hangar was full of old Leo's. Apparently with the arrival of the new mobile suits these were now unnecessary. 'oh well, their loss is my gain!' I jumped into the closest mobile suit and started it up. Apparently they didn't expect it, they were unprepared to deal with me as I made my escape. Everyone in the base were all looking for me INSIDE, and they were looking for a person on foot.   
  
I powered up the suit, and flew out. It was unopposed as I made my escape to the forest. I landed the suit near the Gundam that was hiding in the trees. I jumped out and started walking towards Deathscythe.  
  
As I was approaching my Gundam, I saw a glint of silver in the bushes. It seemed to glow in the moonlight, whatever it was.  
  
Ever curious, but still conscious of the fact that I needed to get out of there, I crept over to see what it was.  
  
The sight made me stare in shock. The silver was the hair of a girl. It was spread out around her body, coming out of two buns on her head. The scene was completely unearthly. It looked like it was something from another planet, and to pure, and prefect for anyone to look at.  
  
She was lying on the ground, blood covering her body, coming out of a wound in her stomach. The dark forest made her skin look as pale as death itself. A smile was on her face, and for someone who is dead, she looked very happy. Her hands looked almost like they had been reaching towards something in her death.  
  
Sure I have killed before. I am ever the self proclaimed 'God of Death' Shingaimi. Usually death doesn't bother me, I have disconnected myself from it ever since the Maxwell massacre. This was different though. It wasn't an Oz soldier, and an enemy. She was a young girl, looking close to my age. There was no way that she was supposed to be dead. The whole thing didn't seem right to me, and I knew that this wasn't how it was supposed to be.  
  
Willing myself out of the trance like state I was in, and I step closer to the body. There was no way that I could leave her like that. She at least deserved a proper burial, with her family and friends there. Her family also deserved to know what happened to their little girl. It was better that I do it, than for them to forever wonder.  
  
I step up to the girl and picked her up. I didn't even know what her name was. I gently carried her over to my Gundam. I climbed in, and gently set her on my lap.   
  
I looked at my watch, and saw that it had only been a few minutes since I had found the girl. It felt like it had been hours. I started up the Gundam and took off.  
  
****  
I landed the Gundam in my secret hangar, and picked up the girl and started walking to the hospital. I couldn't think of any other place to take her, and her family should be notified.  
  
I ran to the first doctor that I found. The sooner that I got her out of my hair the better.  
  
"Excuse me, sir. This is a girl that I found in the woods, and she seems dead. I was wondering if there was any way that I could give her over to her family?"  
  
The doctor just stared a me for a moment, looking suspicious. Then in a voice that said more than words that he thought that I couldn't be trusted. "Give her to me, we need to do a complete examination on the body. We need to find out her cause of death, how long she has been dead, and if there is any way we can catch the killer."  
  
He looked at me strangely when he said the last part. Yes, he definitely thought that I did it.  
  
"You don't happen to know what her name is do you" "No, I didn't suppose so, I guess we'll just need to check her for any identification." "Can you wait in the waiting room, I have some questions I need to ask you later."  
  
With that said, I went to the waiting room and chose a nice chair. It would most likely be a long wait, and I would want to be comfortable.  
  
****  
  
Meanwhile, the doctor had just finished washing her hands, and was getting ready to get to work on his newest patient.  
  
He went over to her, and started looking at her wound. 'a stab wound to the stomach, usually fatal.' He started removing her clothing so he could get a better look at her no you sick people! This isn't hentai, he's a doctor, who needs to check on her condition! 'Bruises around her stomach and chest area. There were also multiple bruises on her arms and legs.' On closer examination he saw that there were multiple types of bruises. Some where old, and fading with age. Some were obviously new.  
  
As he was looking at her, he saw the slightest lifting of her chest. "What the hell is this! This girl appears to be breathing, but there is NO way! I could have sworn this girl was dead!"  
  
****************************************  
  
Sorry, but I just love cliffhangers, and I HAD to end there. I'm sure you understand. And also, I'll really try to get the next chapter out sooner than this one. AND BE SURE TO REVIEW! I'M OBSESSED WITH REVIEWS, AND NEED MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And like always email me with any flames, criticism, suggestions, and to tell me if you like the story!   
  
THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THIS STORY WILL NOT COME OUT UNTIL MY SISTER PEGASUS GETS 15 REVIEWS FOR HER STORY THE GREAT SEARCH.  



	5. Where are you going?

Destined aka. Ment to be  
Chapter 5  
By siren:  
  
Authors Notes- I bet your all surprised that I got the next chapter out so soon! This chapter is mainly to make up for not getting the other one out for such a long time. I feel so guilty! All of you great reviewers reviewed, and you still had to wait forever for me to get the next chapter out! Don't expect this to happen often, but I need to make up for it. Also this is because you people reviewed my sister Pegasus's great story! I knew it was good, people just needed to hear about it. It's good now, and she hasn't even introduced the main plot yet! You just wait!   
Disclaimer- Not Mine! Not Mine! Not Mine! Not Mine! Do you honestly think that I would be spending my time posting this story as a fan-fic, when I could be making it into a movie! *I can dream though, cant I?*  
  
*********************  
  
  
The chair that I was sitting in was beginning to get uncomfortable. I had been waiting for what seemed like hours now to find out who the girl was. They just took her into the office, and told me to wait. And I did. I waited and waited and waited, and I still haven't heard anything yet. 'this takes much longer than I thought.'  
  
I began playing with the children's blocks, just trying to pass time. I had built a huge tower, that was almost as high as my head! I gingerly picked up another block, getting ready to add it when...  
  
"Excuse me sir? Your the one that brought the girl in, weren't you?" a nurse asked me.  
'  
BANG! The blocks that I had spent so much time on collapsed and fell over the floor.  
  
"Yes, I did. Why, have you found out who she is yet? I think that her parents deserve to know that their daughter is dead."  
  
"Um... sir, that is what I wanted to talk to you about, it appears as if the girl that you have brought in is still alive...if only barely."  
  
I dropped the block that I still had in my hand, and my face turned white with shock. 'there's no way that she can still be alive, I know that she was dead when I found her. I'm SURE of it.' then I began to go over what had happened since I had found her. 'I never really checked to see if she was alive or not...I just assumed that she was. She looked so dead, and too peaceful to be alive, and still in great pain.'  
  
"Sir, SIR are you O.K.? Why don't you sit down, you look like you just saw a ghost." sorry, I just HAD to put it in there...  
  
"Oh...yes, I'm fine." I looked up at the nurse "do you think that I could see her?" I asked.  
  
"I don't see why not, although, I really should ask Dr. Jay no, not THAT doctor J first."  
  
I watched the nurse as she left the room. I then followed her and put my ear against the door. I could hear faint voices on the other side. I could almost make them out...  
  
*******  
  
On the other side of the door.  
  
"Dr. Jay, are you busy?. I need to ask you a question." The nurse asked.  
  
The Dr. Looked up. "Yes Sonya, what is it now? I have work to do!"  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but the man that brought the mysterious girl in is wondering if he could see her. He seemed quite shocked to find out that she was alive, and wants to see it with his own eyes."  
  
He just looked at her, as if she were stupid. "Sonya, Sonya, when will you learn? There is obviously more to the man, then simply someone that happens across a dead girl in the woods! His story is just a little illogical to me, and so I decided to look him up. There was nothing on him, NOTHING. It's like his files were erased for some reason, and you can be sure that it isn't a good one. Then when I found this out, I checked up on the girl. I found some ID in her pocked. It looked pretty torn up and bloody, but I managed to make out a name. She doesn't EXIST! That's right, there is no record of someone with that name anywhere. No birth records, nothing. She has no family, and she hasn't been reported missing either. This wasn't good enough though. When I found this out, I thought that it might be an alias, and so I checked to see if there was anyone with her description that was wanted. That's really the only reason that I could think of for someone to change their name. I CAME BACK WITH NOTHING! There has never been anyone with that description anywhere. She has some pretty unusual characteristics, and there is no one with silver hair that is her age. There is no one that wears their hair in that unique hairstyle. It's like she popped out of nowhere, and I think that this man has something to do with it. I just need to find out who he is first."  
  
Sonya looked a little shocked at this outburst, and Dr. Jay looked somewhat angry. 'there's probably something more to him than just a doctor. Any normal doctor wouldn't get so worked up about this. I wonder what he's up to.' Sonya thought to herself.  
  
***********************************  
  
I myself was a little shocked at this tirade. 'What was this guy's problem? He didn't even seem to care that the girl was alive, and seemed more concerned that he didn't seem to know who she was.'  
  
'This definitely wasn't right, that man was up to something, and I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. He might work for Oz on identifying patients, and seeing if they are people that Oz wants. If he is, than he's going to find out about me sooner or later. The only way to get out of this is to get out of here. Forget the girl, I needed to go into hiding for a while. This was a stupid idea anyway.'  
  
And so I walked away, only looking back once. 'I never even found out who the girl was. I probably would never find out now.  
  
****  
  
In another room, deep into the hospital, a girl in a hospital bed lay. Very near death, and they could lose her any minute. She was in that place between life and death. The gray place that she knew so well, but she didn't know the most important thing about her place. She didn't know what it was...and lack of knowledge is very dangerous...and now she was all alone...  
  
*************************************  
  
I know, it's a little short, but at least it's out. I need to know what to do in this story next. I have some idea's, but not much else. I hope you liked it, but I think that I'll be working on my new story 'This was never supposed to happen.' I'm planning on making quite a few of those, a DBZ, and GW, and maybe even a Tenchi Muyo crossover. If any of you have any other ideas, tell me ok?   
  
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
AND AS ALWAYS, FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME, FOR ANYTHING. I RESPOND TO ALL EMAILS, BECAUSE I CAN'T REALLY DO THAT WITH REVIEWS.  
  



	6. Where am in now?!

Destined aka. Ment to be  
Chapter 6  
By: Siren   
  
IMPORTANT! MUST READ THIS!   
I will be changing the name of this story to 'Inner Strength' I've been thinking about it for a while, and decided that it was a much better name for the story than the one I have (because that just SUCKS...) anyway, I want to thank Sunny-chan for the idea. She was the ONLY one to give me any suggestions, it's just lucky for me it's totally perfect for the story. By the time the next chapter has come out, I hope to have the title changed. I'm not sure yet how to do that, so if any of you could tell me, it would be VERY appreciated. I also want to thank Faith-chan for being me pre-reader. She's totally great, and helps me allot! THANK YOU!   
  
*Ah hem* This story is MINE! Even though I don't own the animes, my time and effort has gone into writing this story. If you want to use it you need my PERMISSION! If I find anyone stealing me story, I swear I will ruin your life. I was make you so miserable, that you will wish you have never even HEARD of ff.net.  
  
Disclaimer- not mine...*sighs*  
  
  
***********  
  
I glanced around me, eyes dead, uncaring. The place that before had been a place full of wonder and life was now dreary...dead.  
  
I was surrounded by nothingness, I was all alone. There was no familiar voice talking to me, coaching me on, and most important, telling me that he loved me, and it would all be all right.   
  
But that was all in my mind! It was never real, and I knew that all along. The fact that it wasn't real, was the reason I loved it so much. I thought I had SECURITY! How could someone I made up possibly abandon me? How could someone who isn't real ever cause me pain?!  
  
But that's what happened...and now I have no reason for living. He was always the reason that I didn't put a knife in myself, and now that he's gone, I remembered, that's exactly what I did.   
  
I looked around myself again, more curious this time. This place looked exactly like Heero and my special place... but if I'm dead, why am I here? Is this some type of torture the gods thought I should have because I didn't live my life the way they wanted me to, because I never married Mamoru, because I never fulfilled my destiny?  
  
Or is this what heaven, (or hell according to where I went ) is like? Nothingness that goes on forever? This isn't what I imagined it would be. I thought it would be a place that I could finally find the peace I've been longing for, not a place where my memories will haunt me forever...  
  
Whatever it is, I'm not going to sit around here and brood. I look down at myself, and see that there is no wound on my chest. That is on my physical body, wherever it is.   
  
It's strange how I never had any trouble seeing myself in this place, yet I've never been able to see Heero. Maybe my mind couldn't think up the way he should look like, yes, that must be it.   
  
In order to try to escape my thoughts I started walking. I probably would only find the nothingness that there had always been, but maybe I'll be lucky and find someone to talk to. I had found Heero after all. There must be someone out there somewhere...  
  
*******************  
  
In the sm dimension...  
  
I cry echo's throughout the small town of Jubann. A cry of someone who had just lost something more precious that gold. Kenji(is that his Usa's fathers name?) ran into the house. He had arrived home early from work to have a nice lunch with his wife. 'I wonder what could possibly be wrong? I've never heard Ikuko scream like that before...' I thought to myself as I ran as fast as I could in to the house.  
  
I see Ikuko crumbled on the floor, clutching something in her hands. I couldn't quite make out what it was, but it almost looked like a piece of paper.  
  
I walked over to her, and gently touched her shoulder. She screamed in response, and jumped about 10 feet into the air. She turned around, and saw me. She jumped into my arms, and started crying hysterically onto my shoulder.   
  
"It will all be all right honey...what's wrong, anyway?"  
  
"NO! *gasp* it WONT be 'all right' *sobs* " she practically shoved the note into my hands.  
  
I started reading the note, the blood slowly rushing out of my face. "NO!" I screamed, and my cries joined my wives. Mourning the loss of our precious daughter. We never even realized that something was wrong. She always seemed so happy...and now she is gone forever...  
  
*********************  
  
Dr. Jay looked at their most recent patient. She was barely alive, and there was almost no chance that she could survive. 'Maybe what I am doing would be for the best...' I tried to convince myself.   
  
I had contacted the Oz base, and told them of the two unidentified patients that had come in yesterday. To my great surprise I found out that the man that brought the woman in was one of the wanted Gundam pilots. When I found this out I immediately went to have him arrested, only to find out that he was gone...  
  
Oz couldn't seem to identify the other patient, and thought that she must have some value to the pilot. In order to hurt him, they gave me my orders.   
  
*Flashback*  
  
"As far as we can tell, there has never been someone of that name. Our closest guess as to her identity, is that she has some sort of importance to the Gundam pilot (what # is he anyway? If someone could tell me all the #'s, I would really appreciate it!) the same pilot that came to you, recently destroyed a Oz base. Your orders are to go out into the woods, and leave her. Make it look as if she died from the stabbing, a suicide or something. It shouldn't be to hard. She is only alive from life support after all. We need to do whatever we can to break the pilots spirits, and this might just be a way to do that."  
  
I nodded at the orders of my commander numbly. 'They had never actually asked me to kill an innocent woman before. They usually only want information. If it wasn't for the money they pay me..."  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
It was night now, and time to do what I had to. Everyone but me and a few nurses on the other side of the building had left. It should be easy to sneak her out of here.   
  
I put her on one of the wheeling beds, and rolled her out the door. I took her to my own personal car, and set her on the seat.   
  
I got in the front seat, and started driving. I drove for miles away from the hospital. I wouldn't want anyone to accidentally find her.   
  
I drove her deeply into the woods, and took her out of the car. I dragged her of the road, and hid her behind some bushes. Still she didn't move. There was no way she could survive alone out here. She'll die from the stab wound in a matter of hours.  
  
I got into the car and drove away, another assignment completed.   
  
*********************  
  
So what do you think? Make sure to tell me! I want to know what you think of it! (correction) I NEED to know what you think of it! I don't care how short the review is, so long as you review!  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I TOTALLY LOVE emails! Also there is one advantage! I can actually reply to your reviews! And I do to, I reply to ALL emails, which is something I can't do with reviews.  
  
I just have to put this in here. SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT! I just got out of school on Thursday! I also wanted to say, that I triumphed over the forces of evil, and got a 101 on my final english exam! *bows to the cheering readers* As a result, my chapters will come out MUCH sooner! YAY!  



	7. So, is it real?

  
Inner Strength  
Chapter 7  
By: Siren  
  
Authors notes- Not much to say... enjoy the story, and remember to review. Also, I will try to work more on this story than my others. That should make the chapters come out sooner.   
Disclaimer-Not mine, but you all know that, don't you?  
  
QUESTION- What is the name of the author who thought up the name for the title? If you have been reading my authors notes, you should know the answer. Anyone who either emails me with a response to this question, or answers it in the review (remember to leave your email address, otherwise you can't get it) Will get the next chapter to this story a day or two early. The question is, DO YOU WANT IT?  
  
*****  
  
I walked through the gray place, looking around me. I wasn't quite sure what it was that I was looking for, but I felt that there had to be someone, or something out there. I never looked when I was with Heero, but then again, I had all I could ever want right there.   
  
Now I had nothing, and I didn't even have the one thing that I had always longed for. I was sure that I would obtain peace with the thrust of the knife, but something went wrong. Now I had to find a way to fix the terrible mistake that had cursed me to forever only being able to dwell on the pain of my life.   
  
I don't know how long I walked, searching. It could have been hours, or days, or even years. There was no way that I could tell time, but it felt like forever.  
  
I was startled out of my trance by the sound of a voice. It was a young voice, yet old at the same time. It sounded like the person who owned the voice had all the knowledge in the world, yet at the same time had already accepted that he knew nothing. Some may wonder how I read all of these things in a few words, yet it seemed so obvious.  
  
" It's so good to finally meet you, Usagi..." The mysterious voice said.  
  
My head shot up, and I got my first good look at him. He had short gold hair, and dark blue eyes. He didn't look like he was any certain type of race, but more likehe was one all of his own. A mizture of every race around the world. For some reason though, I got the impression that they were part of him, not him part of them.  
  
He had a kind face, and very knowing eyes. There a open kindness in his eyes, yet beneath that, there was a hard look, showing that he can be stern in need be.   
  
"Who-who are you?" I barely manage to stutter out the words through the overwhelming feeling of fear, and awe I felt because of his mere presence.  
  
"My name is kanshisha, and I am the guardian of this place you find yourself in. As to how I know who you are? How could I not know after all of the time you've spent with your friend Heero here?"  
  
"All-right Mr. Know-It-All. I only have one question for you. HOW can you possibly be the guardian of my head? You claim that you are the guardian of this place, but this isn't a place. It's just a world that I've made up in my head. It isn't real! I know only that my subconsious mind has made this place up for me to protect me from the pain, and now I'm trapped here, and you somehow found your way into MY world."  
  
"Usa, usa." He spoke in a almost fatherly voice. "How can you possibly believe that this is your own made up world? I know that deep down, in your heart and soul, that you know that this place is more real than the real world, that you normally inhabit.The boundries that the world has placed over your mind, simply won't allow you to believe in it. Even after all you've been through, my dear Princess Serenity, you have problems in believing in unexplained events. Even after all the magic you've witnessed, and in time come to accept, you still need ot find a explination of your world to explain mine."  
  
I gasped when I heard him mention Princess Serenity. I never told Heero about my double life, so how could he know? There was more to him than met the eye...  
  
Then the full ramificatins of what he said hit me like a sledgehammer.  
  
I stared at him in shock for a moment. He was smiling at my shock, obviously enjoying this. "Could this place possibly be real? And if it IS real, would that make Heero real too?"  
  
I noticed in shock (AN: she is easilly shocked, ne?) as kanshisha started fading away. The whole place was fading away! I tried in vain to reach out to the smiling face as he started disappearing from my view. I look down at myself, and see that I am covered in blood! Then, there is only darkness..........  
  
*********  
  
I know, this chapter REALLY sucked, but atleast it's out! I also know it's short, but I have so many idea's for this story, I just don't know how to put it into words...I'll REALLY try to get the next chapter out soon though.  
  
REMEMBER TO REVIEW! I have plenty of stories I can work on instead of his one. I have no idea is you like it or not if you don't review.  
  
10 REVIEWS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!  
  
Also, I will no longer be posting this in the sailor moon crossover section, just the GW/SM section!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I PROMISE to respond to each and every one, and the longer the email, the longer the response!  



	8. weak onna, sleeping by the side of the r...

Inner Strength   
Chapter 8   
By: siren   
  
Author's notes- SUPRISED! The chapter came out so early! As soon as I saw that I had gotten the 10 reviews I asked for, I started writing this RIGHT AWAY! I hope you're happy. Some people asked me if I would make the chapters longer, but it really just depends on what I think goes best for the chapter. It may be long, or it may be short. I was just so preoccupied with writing long chapters before, that it took me forever to get them out. Now you have 2 options. Long chapters, but few and far between, or short chapters, that I post regularly? It's really up to you. I also wanted to thank Midnight Lady for being my editor. It really helped me alot! You should REALLY read her stories too!  
Disclaimer-not mine!   
  
**********   
  
Wufei sped through the woods, pissed. It had been a routine mission, but something had gone wrong. They had been waiting for me at the base, and seemed to know that I was coming. There were almost no mobile dolls outside, but once I got inside, the base was swarming with Oz soldiers. I had barely gotten out of there alive, and now I was escaping as fast as I could on my motorcycle.   
  
The worst part was that they had seen my face before I managed to escape, and by now it was probably running all over the news. NOW I had to go into hiding, or change my appearance! If that wasn't bad ENOUGH it turned out to be some weak onna who had started all of my problems in the first place! When the guards had caught me, and brought me into her office, she had asked some VERY strange questions. She told me some nonsense about the braided baka, and some silver haired onna that she said had been 'dealt with.' She wanted to know who they were, and what they were doing in a hospital, or something like that. I really didn't pay any attention to what she was saying, I was more worried about finding a way of escape. I just assumed that they were telling me about some problems the braided baka had had on his last mission.  
  
What did that have to do with me though? Did she think that I knew anything about it? And what was so important about some silver-haired onna that she would have been with Duo, and needed to be 'dealt with'?   
  
These questions swirled through my mind as I sped through the forest. I was so preoccupied with them, that I almost missed in the road before it was too late. I veered off to the side, barely avoiding hitting it. My motorcycle crashed right into a tree for my efforts!   
  
I got up, and dusted myself off. There were no injuries, so I walked over to see what it was that I nearly hit. I was expecting to find a rabbit or something. I wasn't expecting what I found though. 'WHAT. IS. SOME. WEAK. ONNA. DOING. SLEEPING. BY. THE. SIDE. OF. THE. ROAD?!'   
  
My face turned red with anger. 'Doesn't she know she could get run over?!' I walk over to her, and try to wake her up. If it was her fault I crashed my bike in the first place, the least I could do was wake her up, and enjoy the pleasure of yelling at her for a while. "Wake up!" I shouted at her...no response. I shouted at her for a few minutes, but I still got the same result. Getting more irritated, I walked closer to her, leaned down, and yelled "WAKE UP WEAK ONNA!" right in her face. Still no response. I stood back, and nudged her a couple of times in the stomach with my foot to see if she would wake up, or even if she was still alive. I guess I don't know my own strength, because she did wake up...screaming. She opened her eyes part way and I saw her look down at herself, and I was as surprised as she to see that she was now covered in blood. I look in shock at her stomach, which before had been fine, seeping blood all over the ground. 'What have I done?'   
  
I hear her moan in pain from the wound. Her eyes were unfocused and she looked in agony. I kneel down next to her, and gently (AN: Way OCC) look to see just where the wound was. It was under her shirt, and so I lift it up just enough to get a good look at it. I couldn't help but stare in surprise at the wound for a moment. It looked fresh, and the bandages were coming off. I remove the bandages completely, they were only in the way now. I probe the wound to see just how bad it really was. The answer just made me stare at the girl with newfound respect. 'Why is she still alive? No one should be alive with this bad of a stab wound, and there was no way some weak onna would be alive!' I tear of a piece of her skirt, and use it as a makeshift bandage. I bind it up, and prepare to take her with me. I normally wouldn't bother to take her with me, but I found a respect for her that I didn't think I could ever find for some onna. Just the fact that she was still alive, was enough to make me respect her 'at least a little'.  
  
Besides, what kind of man would I be if I left some onna to die by the side of the road? Only some honorless worm with no sense of justice would ever do that. I go to my bike, and righten it. Seeing that there was no real damage, I wheel it over to the woman, and pick her up. I try not to move her too much from how she was, and lifted her up. I got on my bike and gently set her on my lap. I started riding off into the direction of Quatre's mansion. It was the closest place that I could find her help, and I had noticed when I saw her that she had silver hair. It could very well be the woman they were talking about. If she was, the only place that either of us would be welcome was at Quatre's.   
  
**********   
  
I stare through the haze of pain, at the man who had helped me. It hurt so much...but I felt that he was concerned with healing me. I wanted to go to my place, no HIS place so badly. I know now that the gray place is real, and belongs to a man named Kanisha. I slowly let go of consciousness, and embrace the peace, or at least lack of pain that the place offered me. I was also hoping to see that strange man again. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, and I REALLY needed the answers. There was a hope I hadn't expected though...before I wanted to die because I had nothing to live for, but now Heero could be alive...Just that one hope, was enough to make me want to live again.   
  
**********  
  
I know, it's not really a cliffhanger, and it was short. At least you didn't have to wait a month for it though! I'm hoping to get a chapter out a week, but I don't think that will happen if I don't get at least 10 reviews per chapter. I can wait for months!   
  
I NEED 10 REVIEWS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO COME OUT!   
  
Remember to email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I love email, and will ALWAYS respond to a message! I promise! Ja ne   
  



	9. Explainations

Inner Strength  
Chapter 9  
By: Siren  
  
Authors Notes- I want to start by saying sorry for  
posting the same chapter twice. My computer was having  
problems, and it kept saying that 'this page cannot be  
displayed.' I didn't think I posted it all, I gave up  
after about 20 tries. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I also  
wanted to say...I CANNOT BELIEVE I GOT 100 REVIEWS! I  
nearly passed out when I saw that! I never thought I  
would get that many! Thank you all! Also wanted to  
thank Midnight Lady for being my editor! She is great,  
and you should really read her stories! Also, a lot of  
your questions should be answered in this chapter, and  
don't tell me; It's about time!  
Disclaimer- Not mine  
  
**********  
  
I opened my eyes, but I didn't open them at the same  
time. I knew now that opening them here, was the same  
thing as closing them in the real world. I must have passed out or something,   
and came here. I looked around myself, surprised to see that I was now back   
where had started from. I was in the place where I   
met Heero for the first time; not where I was last with  
Kanshisha. This didn't bother me though. If he was the  
guardian of this place, then surely I would be able to  
find him.  
  
"Kanshisha? Kanshisha where are you?" I called. I  
didn't feel like looking everywhere for him, so he  
would have to find me.  
  
"Right here, Princess." I whirled around at the voice, I  
hadn't thought that he would even come, let alone that  
quickly.  
  
"Hello, Kanshisha. I was just about to go looking for  
you," I said.   
  
He bowed slightly. "I'm at your service, Princess," he said mockingly.  
  
I looked at him suspiciously, not sure if I could  
trust him. "If that's true, then you won't mind  
answering a few questions. There are so many that I  
have, and I need them answered. I don't know who else to  
ask."  
  
"Yes, there are some questions that I am permitted to  
answer; so long as you keep this information  
secret. If you agree to these conditions, I will   
answer your questions."   
  
He waited expectantly.  
  
I agreed immediately and began thinking...  
  
There were so many questions I needed to ask,  
that I couldn't really chose what should be the first one.  
Finally, I decided to ask the one that had been  
bothering me ever since I had first met him. "If this  
place is real, then what is it? How am I able to reach  
it, in my head?"  
  
If he was surprised by what I chose to be my first  
question, he didn't show it. "You ask a most  
complicated question; and the one that will be most  
difficult to believe. It is hard to put it into terms  
which you can understand, but I will try."  
  
"Every single world, in every dimension, is connected, however tenuously. Without that connection, everything would drift apart and chaos would reign supreme. This is that place. You see, all the worlds have a figurative shadow; a semblance of their true selves. A suggestion, really. Every living creature casts that shadow in the space around them. Those shadows are much like this one, only nowhere near the same scale.   
  
"The place that you are in now is the place where all of those shadows meet. They are all connected in this one point, and this reality  
holds them together. Since this 'suggestion' is a semblance of the world, everything that is in the world, is also in the here. Everything, in every dimension, overlaps, here.   
  
"Nothing, and no one, realizes this, though. Some few life forms are able reach deep inside themselves, and enter the Shadow World. This is where they go when they dream; only they don't comprehend that. Even fewer can learn to manipulate this reality; they enter it knowingly, when they are awake. This is very rare, and there have been very few instances since Time and the cosmos were created when someone ventured to my domain.   
  
"You are one of those few; your mother is another."  
  
I started at the mention of my mother. She was able   
to come here too? How come she never told me? I kept   
listening to what he was saying.   
  
"You see, this place is not in your head. What you are   
doing, is leaving your conscious mind, and coming here.   
Your spirit, and very soul enters my world, and that is   
why you are able to be here."  
  
I nodded, trying to look like I understood. I  
knew some of what he was saying, but some of it  
was too strange. Worlds casting shadows? This is all  
too weird.  
  
"I see that you are having problems understanding what  
I have told you. Do not worry, you will come to  
understand, in time. You have a strange affinity for  
this world, like no one I have ever met before..." 'I   
hope she never realizes the full extent of it, though.  
If she could learn to use this world, to affect her  
own...there's nothing she couldn't do. She might even  
have the Sight.'  
  
"Excuse me, are you all right?" I asked. He had  
stopped talking, and looked a little pale.  
  
"Oh, yes, Princess. I'm fine," he said, suddenly the  
calm, composed man I had seen before.  
  
"I have another question. If I'm real, and you're  
real, then would that make Heero real too?" I waited  
for the answer expectantly, hope in my eyes.  
  
He smiled at me, "I knew that question was coming. Yes,  
Heero is very real. Extremely strange circumstances brought  
him here, and very similar ones made him leave."  
  
I asked him in a quavering voice. "If he was real,  
then why did he leave? It broke my heart when he was  
suddenly gone." I said, tears now streaming down my  
face.  
  
He came over to me, and gave a gentle, consoling pat  
on my shoulder. He then kept his hand on my shoulder,  
checking to see if I was all right. For some reason  
it made me feel much better. I looked up into his  
sympathetic gaze, and what I saw made me look deeper.  
Deep, hidden beneath the sympathy was something  
else...pain, and loneliness.  
  
He must have been able to tell what I saw by the look  
on my face, because he suddenly pulled away. The loss  
of contact made me feel suddenly sad...  
  
"Your friend is not dead, if that is what you are  
wondering. As to why he left...? That is something you  
will need to ask him. It was out of my realm, and I  
know not why he disappeared."  
  
"What do you mean I can ask him myself? How can I find  
him?" He just gave me a gentle, almost fatherly smile,  
and once again faded from my sight. I knew what was  
happening this time though. I must be waking up...  
  
**  
Quatre's POV  
**  
  
I rushed to the front door. First I had heard a  
motorcycle pull up to the house, then the unmistakable  
voice of Wufei calling for help. He wasn't one to EVER  
ask for help, let alone sit in the driveway and scream  
it to the house. That was why I was running as fast as  
I could to try to reach him.  
  
The sight made me raise an eyebrow in surprise. There  
was Wufei, holding a girl in his arms. I did a quick  
double take. A GIRL! Surely my eyes were deceiving me. I  
walked closer, and got a better look at her. There was  
blood...all over. It covered both of their clothes.  
  
"Don't just stand there, baka! Go get a doctor! This  
girl needs medical attention RIGHT NOW!" Wufei growled  
menacingly.  
  
I rushed into the house "Rashid! Where are you? We  
need my personal doctor, and NOW!" I  
shouted into the house. I could hear the scrambling as  
they tried to find the doctor.  
  
I rushed back outside, to find Wufei cradling the  
injured girl. "They will be ready soon. Can you bring  
her inside, please?" I asked gently, startling Wufei  
out of his trance. He just looked up, and nodded.  
  
We both hurried inside, and I saw that the doctor was  
already ready. It pays to have a personal doctor. "Ms.  
Sonya, we have a patient here in need of your  
expertise," I said.  
  
She walked over to the girl, and stared at her. She was   
just looking at her in intense shock. "Where did you   
find this girl?" she asked in a squeaky voice.  
  
"None of your business, onna. Why do you want to know  
anyway?" growled Wufei. I looked at her, wanting an answer too. I had  
just hired her a couple of days ago, and from what I  
could tell she used to work at a respectable hospital. She  
had quit abruptly, and didn't tell me why. I got the  
feeling that she knew this girl though.  
  
"She...she is the missing girl from the hospital. I  
would recognize her anywhere. She was brought in near  
dead from a stab wound. We started treating her, but she was still very injured when Dr. Jay told us to give him some time alone with her. I didn't want to leave, but I did, and that night she was gone. I was  
suspicious of my boss and investigated. I can't be   
sure, but I think that he brought her out. That is  
why I left; I couldn't take him anymore. First he  
scared the nice young man away, and then he broke his doctor's  
code. I was so mad, I quit and got a job here," she  
said.  
  
"Never mind that, onna, you can tell us later. Right  
now she needs some medical attention. I'm surprised  
that she is still alive, but she won't be for much  
longer!" Wufei said.  
  
"Yes, I agree with Wufei. You need to take care of her  
now," I said.  
  
"Ugh, that hurts..." All heads turned to the girl. She  
appeared to be awake, and I rushed to her side.   
  
"You should be asleep! You're in no condition to be up!"  
I scolded.  
  
"Who...who are you?" she asked  
  
"That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that  
you get better. Now go to sleep."  
  
She nodded. "Sleep is good. When I'm asleep, I can't feel the pain...Maybe I will be able to see my Heero..." she yawned. "Kanshisha said that he was real..." she murmured sleepily.  
  
I must have misinterpreted what she said. "Heero? How  
does she know Heero?"  
  
Wufei just shrugged. "She probably means someone else.  
Heero isn't exactly an uncommon name."  
  
I nodded in agreement. That must be it...  
  
**********  
  
I know, it isn't exactly a cliffhanger... I was  
thinking of making one, but I decided to change my  
mind. I hope you enjoyed it, and remember to review.  
I'll probably have her meet Heero in the next chapter.  
I know, don't say it. It's about time!  
  
Remember to email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I love  
e-mail, and always respond!  
  
  



	10. Wakenings

Inner Strength  
Chapter 10  
By: Siren  
Authors Notes- Yay! Ff.net is up again! I'm soooo happy *tears up* Enjoy the chapter! Thanks again for Midnight Lady for being my editor!   
Disclaimer- Neither Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing belong to me. I know....you can all feel my pain at the loss of my Hee-kun! This story, and Kanshisha DO belong to me though, so don't use them without my permission. All I want you to do is to ask, and I'll most likely say yes.   
  
I have another contest! Ok...before you decide to hate it, hear me out. I decided that it was unfair for everyone else to have to wait another day for the next chapter, just because their review wasn't as long as someone else's. Therefore, the reward from now on will be different. I still want to give something to someone who takes an extra moment to write a longer review. The reward is called the 'oracle' it's the award of one question, one answer. You can ask me anything you want to about this story, and I will give the most straightforward answer possible. This person will not have to wait for the answer in the future, but they should remember that they don't want to ask a question that will ruin the story. Good luck, and enjoy!  
  
**********  
Usagi's POV  
**  
I once again entered the Shadow World, my second world. Over all of the months that I've been here with my Heero, it has become almost like another home for me. More so than mine ever was. I glanced around me at my surroundings, and saw the oh-so familiar lake. I smiled at myself when I saw Kanshisha sitting there by the lake. He appeared to be waiting for me. I watched him in silence as he stood up, and brushed himself off. He walked over to me, and I just still watched him, not saying a word.   
"What, Princess? No hello?" he asked, in an almost hurt voice.  
"Hello, Kanshisha," I said, but that was it. I wanted to wait for him to say something. I felt that there was something that he needed to tell me, and I wasn't going to do anything until I found out what it was.  
"Princess, I've done some thinking. I decided that it was time that I explained some things to you. This is for your own protection, and I think it is best that you learned some things rather than remaining ignorant of the world that your body is in now."  
"You...you know where my body is at? I didn't recognize anything around me when the Silver Crystal (AN: I can't even hope to spell it's Japanese name!) made me appear. All I saw was that I was surrounded by an immense forest; and I could feel the bonds of Fate release their hold on me," I said hesitantly. Ignorance is never good when you're in a strange place, and if Kanshisha could tell me anything, it would help improve my chances of survival in that world.  
"We only have a limited amount of time for me to teach you what you need to know. First, you need to understand the state of events that is going on in the dimension that you are now in. That way you will be able to survive in the world."  
I nodded. When I put my mind to something, I was able to catch on very quickly. That's how I was able to catch up on years of school, just with the time that I had in this shadow world with Heero teaching me. All I needed was a teacher who actually had faith in me, and a genuine need to learn.  
"First, you need to understand, that because of the Earth's overpopulation, and their need to expand, they now live among the stars." I gasped at this. Sure, I once lived on the Moon, but to think that it was COMMON... "They built colonies and...."  
**  
3 days later  
**  
"And that's the whole story," he finished.   
I stared at him, complete awe in my eyes. That he could know so much, about so many places, completely astounded me. I was able to learn the entire history of the world, in a matter of days. We didn't eat, or sleep, and all we did was talk. He was able to answer all of the questions that I asked perfectly. When I asked him how he knew all of this, he just told me that he would explain later. This is also only one world that he watches over. He must know at least as much about an untold number of dimensions.  
We had spent a day or so talking about past events, so I would know about the basics of their world. What I really felt I needed to know was what was happening now, so we spent most of our time talking about that. He told me about the wars, and Oz, and the Gundam Pilots. This world was so very different from mine that it was almost like a fairy tale. Here he assured me I would be able to start a whole new life, where my past would no longer haunt me. The only questions that he wouldn't answer were the ones of the Gundam pilots' private lives, who they were, etc. He only told be about the things that they had done. He managed to evade the questions with a skill that surprised me, until I finally gave up.  
I looked up from my contemplation, and saw him once again staring at me. He had been doing that quite a bit lately, and it was unnerving. This time, he had the same expression that I had seen a few days before. There was once again the pain and the loneliness that he tried so hard to hide.  
He saw me looking at him, and chose to be the one to break the almost painful silence, "Princess, you have learned all that there is for me to teach you about the world. You now have the knowledge that you need to survive out there. I wish you well, and when we meet again, perhaps you will be ready to learn about my world. Then you will be able to handle the mortal realm; and the realm of the mind. There is no time for this right now, though. You should be waking up about..........NOW."  
**  
My eyes snapped open, and quickly shut again. 'Why does the light have to be so damn bright!' my mind screamed. I squinted, gradually opening them more and more, getting used to the new brightness. When I was finally able to open them all of the way, I saw the source of all of my pain. There was a small opening in the window shades that let a tiny stream of light shine right on my eyes.  
I groaned again as my mind once again came into contact with the pain of my body. It wasn't as bad as it was a few days ago, but now it was only soul-searing, mind-blowing pain. I would have screamed if I hadn't had to learn to conceal my emotions when I was with Mamoru. That had never been as painful as this, but it was something to learn from.   
"Tell Master Quatre his patient is awake!" I heard a feminine voice shout, as I saw a blurry face enter my line of vision. It looked like a woman, in white clothes. I couldn't make out any distinctive features; my vision was too unfocused.  
I watched her as she checked all of my bandages, which I never even noticed I had before. I looked around myself and saw that I was in a hospital bed, and I had tons of needles poking into my flesh. That must be part of my pain. I never liked needles. They gave me the creeps. With a strength I never even knew I possessed, I ripped all of the needles out of my skin, and ignored the sharp bites of pain they gave me.  
The lady practically screamed as she saw what I did, "Are you trying to kill yourself?" she shouted. "Those needles were the only thing keeping you alive!"  
I heard people rushing into the room, and saw the indistinct faces of two more men. One had black hair, and one had messy blonde. The blonde looked worried, and the black haired man looked like he was trying not to care, but I could almost see genuine concern in his eyes, as my vision started clearing. The black haired man looked so familiar...it was almost a face from a dream...  
I looked at him and asked in a shaky voice, "Do...do I know you?"  
**  
Wufei's POV  
**  
I looked closer at the silver-haired girl who made me feel all of those things that I never imagined I could feel for an onna. There was a hint of respect, and something else. I didn't even know her, but I already respected her more than I ever had for an onna before. She had only been in bed for a little over three days, and she already was not only alive, but in good condition. She wasn't in perfect condition, not by any means. She would survive though, and she ripped all of those needles out of her skin. Not only that, but she appeared to almost recognize me. When I had found her, she was barely hanging on to life.  
"Yes," I said, trying to keep my voice cold and unemotional. "I was the one who found you. You must be thinking of someone else, there is no way that you remember me. You were barely alive when I found you."  
She just shook her head. "No, I've never seen anyone like you before. I would have remembered. It must just be my imagination," she said in such a weak voice, for someone I had found to be so strong.  
"You wouldn't happen to have any food, do you? I'm completely famished, and I feel like I haven't eaten in days...wait a minute, when was the last time I did eat! I don't remember!" she said, with a goofy grin on her face. I could see her trying to cover up her pain though. Why would she possibly want us to think that she was better than she really was? Who was this girl!?  
"I'm sorry Miss, but that just isn't possible," the nurse, Sonya, interjected. "That stab wound pierced your stomach, and I can't let you eat anything."  
The mysterious girl's eyes widened in horror, "You mean...I can never eat, EVER AGAIN!" She looked like she was going to have a nervous breakdown. Food must have meant a lot to this girl.  
"No, no!" Sonya said quickly, trying to prevent her patient from having a fit, when she was still in critical condition. "I didn't say that you could NEVER eat again, just that you would have to be fed by using these IV needles for the next week or so. It all depends on how fast you heal.   
**  
Usagi's POV  
**  
I could feel my world crashing down on me. How can they possibly expect me to live without food for almost a week?! Not only that, but they expect me to eat using needles? That's no fun at all! I HATE needles!  
I could feel the stiffness of the room, the uncomfortable feeling that everyone had. Now that that was settled, apparently no one wanted to be the first one to play 20 questions. In an attempt to break the omnipresent silence, I did the first thing that came to my mind. I asked a question. A question that I never would have thought could be answered, but still needed to be asked.  
"So...none of you know a guy named Heero, do you? I've been looking for him." ...all of my life.  
Only silence greeted me.  
**********  
So, what do you all think of the chapter. I also need to know, should I drag out her whole recovery thing at Quatre's house for the next couple of chapters, or should I just cut to the chase and let Heero and Usagi meet? When they do meet, do you want them to know each other or not? These are two questions that have been bothering me for a LONG time, and I decided to ask you. What do you want?  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have any suggestions, advice, if you like it, or you just want to talk. I always love getting email!  
  
Also, I was thinking about starting a mailing list for people who aren't authors. If you want to be on it, just leave your address, and say what stories you want to be informed of.  
  
  



	11. answers

Inner Strength  
Chapter 11  
By: Siren  
Authors Note- Enjoy the story, and be sure to review! I also have been wondering something, and I'm going to test it out. I haven't been sure if I should do my chapters in first, or third person narration. With first you get more into the emotions of the person, but with second, it's more like a story, and less like a journal. I'm going to do this chapter in third, and you'll need to tell me what you think I should do. Thanx, Midnight Lady, for being my editor.  
Contest- For the person who writes the longest review, I will give them the 'oracle.' That means that this person can ask me one question that they have been wondering, for however long. I will answer the question as simply as possible, so the more complex a question you ask, the more detailed the answer. Just take my advice, and don't ask a question that will ruin the story for you.  
Disclaimer- Neither Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon belongs to me. If you ever thought that they did, I can only pity you.   
**********  
**  
Quatre's Mansion  
**  
"So...do any of you know a guy named Heero?" Usagi asked timidly.  
Quatre and Wufei shared a long look, unsure of what to say to this strange girl. Fortunately for them, they didn't have to answer the difficult question.  
*CRASH* The sound echoed through the room.  
"Someone is at the door, I'll go and get it," Quatre said quickly, running out of the room before anyone could say a word.  
"I'd better go and see what's going on too," Sonya said, as she rushed after the blonde.  
A shout echoed through the room, "There's a girl in this house! Where is she? I know she's somewhere, I can sense her."  
Usagi sweat-dropped again. "I wonder who that is..." she asked is a choked voice.  
Her question was answered when a brown haired boy with a long braid ran into the room, looking around with a crazed expression of his face. His eyes settled on Wufei, not even seeing the bed. "Hey Wu-man! Do you know where the girl is? Don't even try to hide her from me, I'll find her, you know what a babe magnet I am!" he declared with a goofy smile.  
"Don't call me Wu-man, you braided baka! I'll kill you with my bare hands!" Wufei's face was all red as he started slowly advancing towards the brown haired boy.   
"Wu-man..." Usagi said softly, a faint smile on her face. "You know, that's a cute nickname. Maybe I'll start calling you that..."  
"MAXWELL! Now you've got HER calling me that!" Wufei shouted as he slowly started pulling out his katana, death in his eyes. "Now you'll die nice and slow!!" He ran towards the boy called Maxwell, and got ready to end his pointless life.  
Wufei's blade was inches from Duo's neck as he noticed the strange expression on his comrade's face, and the fact that his tongue was slightly hanging out. Duo didn't even seem to notice that Wufei was trying to kill him; the only thing HE was concentrating on was a certain strangely familiar silver-haired, blue-eyed, angel trying, but not succeeding, to sit up on the bed.  
"Maxwell! What are you doing!?" Wufei shouted with a strangled expression, his eyes slightly bugging out.  
Duo quickly snapped out of it, and his eyes slowly turned to Wufei's katana, still mere inches from his neck. "Wahhhhh," he yelled as he fell over, and started scrambling as far away from the crazy person as he could.   
A silvery laugh from the other side of the room made them both stop what they were doing, and stare at the girl. She was sure a strange one. One minute she was quiet, and obviously in pain, and now for some reason she's LAUGHING! What is with her, and who the hell is she!? Everyone in the room thought.  
Then her face turned sad once again, with the pain of years in her eyes.   
"Thank you so much, you guys. You have no idea how long it's been since I've truly laughed," her smile turned bitter, "how long it's been since I've had reason to laugh," she finished quietly.  
Duo just stared at her in shock. That this beautiful angel would not have any reason to laugh...well, that is just horrible! He would have to fix that for sure. The sudden wash of feelings of protectiveness, and the need to make her laugh nearly overwhelmed the boy. The feeling was so familiar though. He felt almost the same feeling of concern for this girl, as for the one he found in the woods. How strange, she even had the same strange silver hair, and the same blue/black eyes, with the silver specks. And she even looked almost exactly like the girl! Isn't that a coincidence? Before his brain could put two and two together, he was distracted.  
All three of them pushed aside their inward thoughts in time to see Quatre run into the room, at top speed, with Sonya right behind him.  
"Duo. *Pant* What. Are you DOING?" Quatre said, out of breath, and MAD!   
"Um...sorry Q-man," Duo started nervously. "I didn't mean to knock you down and everything...I was just so excited to see the girl I sensed. You know how I am with these things..."  
Sonya still couldn't get her eyes off Duo. "You...you're the one that came to the hospital with the girl...aren't you?" she asked curiously.   
Duo's eyes whipped around to the nurse. "Hey! How are you doing?" Then the situation seemed to register. "Why are you HERE!? I thought that you were taking care of that girl I brought to you. How is she? Is she ok? I thought that I would never know, but now you can tell me," he said, excited to know that fate of the girl that he had brought to the hospital near death, but he thought the whole time that she WAS dead.  
Sonya just pointed to the girl on the bed. "Why don't you see for yourself?"  
Duo whipped around to look at the girl again, only this time he seemed to recognize her. "YOU! Why didn't I see it before? The silver hair should have been obvious, if I wasn't so out of it..."  
Usagi was just staring at Duo, "You're the one who brought me out of the woods?" Duo nodded. "Why?"  
Everyone in the room seemed shocked at the question. "Why?" Duo choked out. "Why not?!" then the whole situation seemed to dawn on the poor boy. "Wait a minute...why are you here?" Then he turned to Quatre, who so far had been fairly silent. "Hey Q-man, how did she get to your house? I know that I left her at the hospital!"  
"Wufei brought her over," Quatre said simply and shrugged.  
"WHAT!" Duo shouted. "Why is she here?!"  
"Give me a minute, and let me explain!"  
15 minutes later  
"WOW!" Duo looked over to the silent girl, a faint hint of pity in his eyes. No one should have to go through all that, but she was here, and she seemed FINE! "Wait a minute, you haven't answered my question yet. Why wouldn't I help you out? It's only the right thing to do. Even Wu-man here helped you!" Duo stated, irritated that she would be so surprised at the help she had received. After all, why not help a pretty girl?  
"Why would you help me, when I don't even know you? It's not like there are really people that are kind, still left in this world. All of the truly caring people have learned by now that it doesn't pay to be nice," Usagi answered simply.  
Quatre finally stepped up. "That's not true about people. You only think that because I'm sure that you've had a hard life. There really are people that still have souls left in the world," he finished kindly.  
Usagi's eyes turned bitter. "I used to be like you, once. Always thinking that everyone had good in them. Once upon a time I was innocent as well. Now I have learned my lesson, and I would prefer it if you would keep your speeches to yourself."  
Quatre looked shocked at those harsh words, which came out of the seemingly harmless girl.  
"Onna, now that you have put Quatre in his place, I think that it's time that you answered a few questions; such as, who stabbed you?"  
"Why, Wu-man," Usagi said innocently, "I did."  
**********  
CLIFFHANGER! It's about time I had one of those. So remember to tell me if you think I should go back to my old way of writing, or stick with the new way. Maybe I'll even go back and forth depending on the situation. REVIEW!  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I really appreciate anyone saying ANYTHING!  
Ja ne  
siren  



	12. silver hair?! what is this?

  
This chapter is dedicated to all of the people that died in the terrorist attacks in N.Y. and Washington. Mostly though, it's to the people that died in the plane crash in pittsburg. I feel that they are being forgotten, but they never should be. They sacrificed themselves in order to save thousands of more lives, that that is a debt that we can NEVER repay. They are modern heros, and should be treated as such, even though they are gone from this life.  
  
May god be with you all in this time of tragety.  
  
  
  
Inner Strength  
Chapter 11  
By: Siren  
  
Authors Notes- Sorry about the last mix-up. It was a computer error, and it uploaded the wrong chapter. Enjoy the new chapter, and remember, the more reviews I get, the faster I write!  
Disclaimer- None of the animes used in this fic belong to me. The story however, does, so please don't use it without my permission.  
Contest- For the person that writes the longest review. I will give them the 'oracle.' That means that this person can ask me one question that they have been wondering, for however long. I will answer the question as simply as possible, so the more complex a question you ask, the more detailed the answer. Just take my advice, and don't ask a question that will ruin the story for you.  
  
**********  
  
"Don't call me Wu-man!" Wufei shouted at Usagi. Then after a moment of stunned silence, her words registered. "What do you mean 'I did'?" He asked in a less angry, but more shocked voice.   
  
"I meant exactly what I said," Usagi stated. Then she turned to everyone in the room, who had all helped her in different ways. She looked them all in the eyes for a long moment, then said. "I most sincerely with all of my heart thank you for your kindness. You all found a perfect stranger, dying, and with no hope. You took her in, and did whatever you could for her. The fact of the matter is though, that wasn't necessary. It would have been better for all involved if you had just left me there."  
  
No one said a word for a long moment, then Duo, in a typical Duo like manner, broke the silence.  
  
"What are you crazy!?" He shouted. "Why would you possibly want to kill yourself? Do you know just how many people want what you have, a chance at a full life!" He just couldn't believe her words. She seemed so innocent, so angelic...now he had to find out that she was a suicidal maniac!  
  
Quatre however, didn't say a word. He just walked out of the room, and didn't do anything.  
  
Usagi looked at his retreating back, with a wry smile on her face. Finally she was proven right with what she thought. Every one was essentially evil, and his retreating back just served to prove her point. Sure she had thought for just a minute that this pure hearted boy could be good, to her, but no one with a pure heart could ever accept her.   
  
No one else in the room could believe that Quatre had left either. He was the one that they would all expect to be the most kind, and understanding. That he would simply walk out on her was simply unbelievable!   
  
Quatre was unaware of their thoughts, as he walked through the hallway. He entered the desired room, and looked for the object that he was trying to find. He picked it up, and started walking back.  
  
The girl was still lying on the bed, without a expression on her unreadable face. He walked over to her, and handed her the object.  
  
"I want you to take this mirror." He started. "And I want you to look long and hard at the image that you see. I want for you to examine closely the image, and think, how could you do this to yourself? Think of all of the good memories that this face has!"  
  
Usagi barely listened to the words. She was looking shocked at the image. 'But...this isn't me!' Usagi frantically thought. Sure the facial structure was kinda similar, and if you really looked, you could almost recognize her. The rest was impossible to tell. It was almost like she was a not quite finished painting before, and a brilliant artist came up, and changed a few things, and finished her. She looked so right. Like she had always been supposed to look. She had always felt that something was wrong with her...and now this feeling was gone. The person in the image was beautiful in the most classic sense of the word. That wasn't the most dramatic change though. Her eyes, which before were a pure light blue, were dark blue/black, and they had silver flecks in them! Then there was her hair...that was probably the biggest difference. Her hair was now SILVER! A pure, almost like quicksilver shine in the long tresses. 'What happened to me!' her mind screamed.  
  
She quickly shoved the mirror back to Quatre, who was cut of in his ranting of looking for the familiarities in the image, and searching for the child there, and all of that nonsense.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." She told him. "I also don't know where you got this mirror, or what's wrong with it, because that." She took the mirror back to show them all the image, "isn't me." With that said, she passed out cold.  
  
Wufei still couldn't believe the girl. First she tells them that she's suicidal, and they should have let her die, and then she says that her face isn't hers! And THEN, she passes out!  
  
Quatre was shocked too. He had a way with people, and he could usually tell if a person was bad or not. There was a goodness in the girl, that was like nothing that he had ever sensed before. For the first time in his life though, he was beginning to doubt his instincts. Her actions, hardly go along with what his feelings are telling him she should be! This girl should be carefree, and happy. There was something about her that simply screamed it, but for some reason, she just wasn't.  
  
Quatre then looked at all of the other guys, and the still quiet Sonya and said, "Come on guys, we need to talk."   
  
Duo and Wufei nodded their heads in agreement, and Sonya indicated that she was going to stay with the mysterious girl.  
  
They all went out of the room, and Quatre showed them to a quiet room where they would talk and not be heard.  
  
**  
  
Usagi, was in a bad mood. Something had happened to her, and she wanted to know just what that was. When she passed out, she took herself to the shadow world. Just like when she was with Heero, she took herself to the lake. There she knew that she could find the man that she needed to talk to. He had something to do with this all, and she would get him to tell her, no matter what it took.  
  
"Kanshisha, where the hell are you!?" She shouted. Seeing him sitting calmly by the lake, her temper rose even more. 'The gall of that man! Sitting here for all the world like nothing was wrong, and to think that he knew all along!'  
  
She went over to him, and angrily stood in front of him. She gestured to her body, and shouted. "What is this?! I know that you know!"  
  
There was an almost undetectable smile at her words, that only made Usagi even angrier. He apparently didn't notice her glowering, because he laughed! The nerve of the man!  
  
Finally noticing her glare, he smothered his laughter, and put on a straight face. "I see you finally noticed the um...changes." He said. At her even more intense glare, and her angry nod, he continued. "I'll bet you want to know why you look like that, don't you? You look great by the way..."  
  
"Don't try to change the subject!" She snapped at him.  
  
"Your right, I do know what happened to you. I was going to tell you before, but I decided that I would let you find out yourself. Do you know anything about how you came to the different dimension." Kanshisha said asked Usagi.  
  
"Sure I do." Usagi said. "I made a wish on the silver crystal, and it took me there."  
  
Kanshisha nodded in agreement. "That's true, but you don't know everything. When you went to another dimension, you passed through here. You see, like I said before, every world casts a shadow, and that shadow is the dream world in that particular dimension. My domain is where all of those shadows meet."  
  
Usagi nodded impatiently. "Ya, sure, I know all that! That doesn't tell me why I look so different though!"  
  
"Patience, I will get to that soon princess!" Kanshisha said. "Some people can use my realm as a gateway between dimensions. There are many different ways, but the end result, is that they get to another COMPLETELY different dimension. To get there, they need to pass physically through the shadow. That is why I'm here. I protect this gateway, so only a bare few can go through. I can also make portals between dimensions. I allowed you to go through, since you are Serenity's daughter. For a very good reason though, when you passed through the gate it had the strange effect you see in the mirror. You passed through the shadows, and they in effect, made you their own. They are very particular for their person, which is why they haven't had one for thousands of years. You are now a daughter of the shadows, and they marked you to show the world. It was like you passed through fire, and you were completely purified of all unpurities, scars, etc. I am like you, in a way. I was chosen, but for a guardian. I'm part of the shadows, but I wasn't marked physically by it like you are. That is because no one sees me, and you're meant to be seen by all the world. Everyone is to know what you now are.   
  
Everything has a 'warrior' there is one for good, and one for evil. There is also one for the shadows. Your mother, Serenity was the warrior of light, and I believe that you are the warrior of light as well. One thing that has a lot to do with the warrior chosen, is the blood. There are certain families that just have the needed magic in their blood to be the chosen ones. You are a mixture of two types of bloodlines, the shadow, and the light, so you have the abilities to use them both. There was once a legend of one such as you, but you don't need to know about that right now."  
  
Usagi's eyes nearly bugged out at his words. One thing that he said stood out before all other mind boggling information.  
  
"What do you mean mixtures of bloodlines? Do you know who my father is?!" She whispered in shock.  
  
He looked at her, immense sadness in his eyes. "Yes...I knew your father. He was a good man, and I know that he loved you very much. He was the previous warrior of shadows, and he married your mother the warrior of light. That is where you get the blood from. I'm so sorry, but I can't tell you anything more about him at this time, so don't ask."  
  
Usagi's mind was taking too much information in at once. It was so overwhelming, and so confusing... "You talk of the shadows, as if they're people." She said. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Shadows are not people." He answered. "They are purely elemental. They are a force, that has a semi-conscious mind. I would continue explaining this to you, but I can feel you waking up. Just let me tell you these last things. You were given a chance to start a new life. Now is your chance to do everything that you have always wanted to you. The shadow has marked you, and now you have no limits. You can do anything, and if you find that you have talents, try to develop them. Try not to waste your life, and take advantage of every moment. You never know when it's going to be taken away from you without a moments notice."  
  
Usagi nodded in agreement. There were so many things that she had always wanted to do, but had never believed that she could do it, or she never had the chance. She had always wanted to learn how to sing, and how to play instruments, and so many other things. Without all of the pressures, now might be her chance! These were the things that she had always thought that 'someday' she would do...but the day never came. Now she realized just how short life really is, and if you really want to do something, you should do it now before the chance is taken away from you.  
  
And then she faded away.  
  
**********  
  
Confused? Well you should be, or I'm not doing my job!  
  
Remember to review! I hardly got ANY for the last chapter! What, did you guys give up on me or something?  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com  
  
  
  



	13. Answers to questions never asked

Inner Strength   
Chapter 14   
By: Siren   
  
Authors Notes- Sorry it took so long to get out. I just now realized that fanfiction.net hasn't been letting me in because I was using Internet Explorer! Now I can finally upload! I have the next 20 chapters or so planned out in my head; I just need to figure out how I'm going to write it down. Don't give up on me yet people, the best it yet to come!   
Disclaimer- Neither Sailor Moon, or Gundam Wing belongs to me. They belong to their respective and extremely talented owners.   
Contest- To the person that writes the longest review, I will give the oracle, or the right to ask any question they want, and to have it answered, No matter what!   
  
Important!!!!!- If any of you have read Elizabeth Haydon's books Rhapsody, then you will understand what it is I'm doing. If not, I highly suggest you go get them RIGHT NOW! They are the best books ever, and anyone who doesn't read them, is missing out. If you have, then you know what Rhapsody is like. I really like her, and she is a lot like how I imagine Usagi is. That is why, I'm going to give Usagi a lot of her personality. She will still be herself, but like you know, she just realized that she can be like anyone she wants, and because of the shadow change, her personality is changing somewhat as well. She will have Rhapsodys.   
  
Just to warn you, the timeline is a little messed up. I'm not sure if all of this happened at the same time, but what's it a fanfic for if you can't change it?   
  
**********   
  
The echoing of the footsteps matched the solemn mood of the men, or more like boys walking down the hallway. The tension in the air was thick as the 2 young men followed their quiet 'leader'.   
  
Finally after walking though the huge mansion for what seemed like miles, the platinum hair boy stopped abruptly. He stopped so fast, that Duo, the one walking directly behind him couldn't stop, and so he ran right into Quatre, and Wufei stumbled over them both.   
  
Cursing now sounded through the hallway.   
  
"Dam it Duo! Why did you have to go and do that!" Wufei shouted, red in the face. He picked up his katana, and got ready to chase the braided boy around the room.   
  
"Now Wu-man. Don't do something you might regret later." Duo said, as he slowly started backing up, trying to calm the raging Chinese boy. His words didn't seem to have the desired effect though. They only served to make Wufei even angrier. He lifted up his weapon, and said. "MAXWELL! TODAY YOU DIE!"   
  
But before he could do anything, Quatre stepped in front of him. "If you want to kill Duo, you can do it later. Right now, I have an important message that I was told to give to you, and this is more important than another one of your petty squabbles." He said calmly, but in a surprisingly stern voice for someone who is usually so 'nice'.   
  
Both Wufei and Duo turned to stare shocked in his direction. Finally they got up, and walked though the dark oak door that Quatre has just entered, sure that they would follow.   
  
It was a library. There were books everywhere, and from every time. They filled the walls, and there had to be thousands of them. Wufei, who was a scholar, looked admiringly at the books. Duo lost interest only seconds after they entered the room, and started whining.   
  
"Come ON Q-man. What is it you wanted? Surely you didn't bring us here to look at your boring library. There is a beautiful girl in the other room, and you made me leave to come here! To look at BOOKS!"   
  
"Calm down Duo. I didn't bring you here to look at books. If you must know, this is one of the only place that I felt was quiet enough to talk." Wufei leaned against the books, waiting for Quatre to say what he was going to say so he could go back to looking at this magnificent library. He didn't even know that such a collection of books existed, let alone belonged to Quatre. The old volumes called at him, to absorb the knowledge they contained. Whatever Quatre wanted, he better be quick.   
  
"I got a message from the doctors." That got everyone's complete attention. "They told us to go into hiding until Heero came here to meet us. Apparently he is going under some new training, and we're not supposed to do anything until he comes out. And as all of you know, Trowa..." The blonde stopped at the words. Trowa's death weighed heavily on his shoulders. He couldn't even say the words. Trowa was dead, and he was dead, because he killed him...   
  
Duo's face turned red at the words, but Wufei stayed calm. Wufei thought it was just as well. Heero would show up soon, and although it upset him slightly that he couldn't go out and fight to avenge Merian's death, at least this would give him the chance to explore the library.   
  
Duo wasn't as complacent, and he didn't mind showing it. "WHAT! You mean we can't go out and blow up some Oz bases? You expect me to stay in this BORING place until Heero arrives? What am I supposed to do? With only you and Wu-man here, there's nothing TO do!" Abruptly he stopped his tirade. "But you're not the only ones here...I GET TO STAY WITH THE GIRL!" Duo's bad mood suddenly changed as he realized that he would have time to spend with the mysteriously beautiful woman who had literally fallen into their laps.   
  
"That was the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about." Quatre calm facade started to crack as he got ready to talk about the girl...   
  
"What about her? She's just some weak onna. We've already done our duty to her by saving her life. I say we just throw her out onto the street again. Maybe we can put her into hiding or something in case Oz wants her. All I know is that I don't want anything to do with that nutcase. If I knew she was this insane when I first found her, I would have just left her there."   
  
"I think she should stay with us for a while. We don't know if Oz is still after he (whatever their reason) and if it's safe for her to go out into the world yet. Not to mention her condition. Did you forget that she nearly died, and she might still?" Quatre told Wufei in a solemn voice. (AN: I'm using that word a lot for him aren't I?)   
  
Duo wasn't even listing to anyone anymore. The words 'throw her out in the street' just echoed through his mind over and over again. The words that spoke of someone out finding this treasure, and finding out who she was, made him slowly angrier and angrier. Finally he burst out.'   
  
"But Wu-man?! What about the mystery? Somehow, this girl has passed from my hands, when I found her in the woods, to Oz's hands, and for some reason they wanted to kill her, and back into yours. Don't you think that it's a strange coincidence that all of this happened? Now to mention her appearance. Have you ever seen anyone with silver hair on a young person? And it looks so natural too?! We have to most beautiful woman, probably ever thrown at us, and you just want to give her up before we find out her name! Even you're not that crazy! She's a puzzle wrapped in mystery, and I for one want to know who she is?!" Duo started panting slightly as he finished his speech, but his gaze didn't waver from Wufei's. He knew that he was right about this one, and he wasn't going to give up on it.   
  
Wufei was the first one to break away. "Fine, I want to know who she is. You can do whatever you want with her in my opinion, just so long as that physopath stays away from me." And he stormed out of the room, steam coming out of his ears at being 'bullied' by such a weak he/she.   
  
Quatre just shrugged, now at all surprised at the reaction his temperamental friend showed, and suggested. "Why don't we go and visit out new guest?"   
  
**********   
  
Usagi stood in a black void. There was no light, only overwhelming darkness. It tried to suffocate her, it was so thick. It weighed down on her like it was the world, no, the universe on her shoulders. Whatever this place was, it was not a place people like her were meant to be.   
  
A blinding flash of light suddenly filled the darkness, making Usagi cringe at the new sight. In the midst of the flash of light, a woman appeared. Her long black hair went down past her knees, and her eyes were pools of darkness that were even deeper than the blackness around her.   
  
"Hello, my child." She said. " I am the warrior of darkness. My name, is Yoriko." The woman spoke in a strangely lilting voice, a voice seemingly older than time itself.   
  
Usagi automatically put her guard up. It this woman was the Warrior of Darkness, then as the Warrior of Light, she was her sworn enemy.   
  
"Put down your guard, child of light, and child of the shadows. Although we are different, we are not enemies. I am here to tell you a story, but first I must clarify a few things that will help you in the future."   
  
"Contrary to common belief, Lightness and Darkness have never been enemies. Simply because they are opposites, people automatically assume that light must fight against darkness at all costs. This is an assumption that on both sides has caused much heartache and pain. The truth is different, and I wish to tell you it even if it may go against everything you have ever been taught."   
  
Usagi listened warily to the woman's words, but refrained from letting down her guard. All of her life she had been taught that Darkness was evil and darkness was death.   
  
"I can see that you don't trust me, and I can't say that I blame you. There is an enmity between your bloodline and mine that has lasted almost as long as time itself. This is why I want to talk to you. I am tired of the age-old family feud, and I wish to bring it to an end. It helps neither of us, and it is a waste of time, and a waste of life."   
  
"As you have always been told, light represents peace, dark chaos, light good, dark evil, light life, and darkness death. These false beliefs have led your kind to try to exterminate us for almost as long as I can remember. You wish to destroy me, and what I stand for, because you believe that it is for the good of all that you do so. You mother, your grandmother, your great-grandfather, all of them hated my family more than anything. I could never reason with them, so I stopped trying. You are the first that can even stand a chance to bring the universe peace."   
  
"How can I bring peace to anyone? I am not at peace. I'm a piece of worthless trash that can't do anything for anyone. I constantly let everyone down, and I don't deserve to live. There's nothing special about me that can bring anything to anyone. I'm just a waste of precious life." Usagi sank back into her familiar slump that had been like a second nature to her.   
  
"STOP IT!" The sharp words rang out of the woman's mouth making Usagi stare at her in both fear, confusion, and a little bit of awe. It contained so much power...   
  
"Don't you dare do that again! I've been watching you over the past couple of months, and what I've seen, has disgusted me. I've seen you sink so deep into self-pity that you forget what you fight for. I've seen you take what you don't need to, when you can easily fight back. I've seen you sink so deep into yourself that you've closed off the world around you! I know this isn't who you are! I know who you are even better than you know yourself. I also know why you are like this, and that is the story that I wish to tell you. I will finish educating you of your destiny after I have shown you your past. You are no good to anyone like you are!"   
  
Usagi couldn't do anything but stare at shock at the woman that should be her sworn enemy, acting almost like a concerned parent. She tried to think of what it could be that could change her, but she couldn't think of anything. What could this woman know about her, that she didn't herself?   
  
Usagi watched curiously as Yoriko waved her hand, and a scene appeared before her. It was one that Usagi knew so well, as it had played in her dreams over and over again since the first time she had seen it.   
  
It was Queen Serenity after the Moon Kingdom was destroyed. The familiar words rang out of her mouth as she talked to Luna and Artemis telling them of what she must do. Usagi trembled once again as she saw her mother use the last of her power to send her and her 'friends' into the future.   
  
Once again Usagi saw the mother die, all alone and once again she saw all of the people who were there sent into the future. Each person in their own protective bubble as they 'drifted' through space. She saw herself, fast asleep as the sailed away.   
  
This is where, before, her dream had ended. Now however, it continued on even further than before.   
  
"Your mother wanted everything to go smoothly, and thought that she could plan on everything, however, even she couldn't stop the powerful force of chance..."   
  
Usagi stared in horror as a piece of a meteor suddenly appeared in the picture. She couldn't do anything but watch as she saw this rock fly faster than her eye could completely follow as it crashed into her bubble, with her in it. It broke through the protective seal, and the bubble shattered like glass. The meteor didn't stop there though. It didn't come to a complete halt until it came into what looked like painful contact with her head.   
  
Usagi screamed in horror as she saw her still body lying injured in space, drifting away to a sure death.   
  
"Imagine my surprise when I saw Serenity's perfect plan to so out of control. No one was there to help you, so I had no choice. I always knew that you were the only one who could bring peace to out two bloodlines. I had planned on coming to you before the Silver Millennium fell to talk to you. When I saw you die, I thought it was all over, and then I saw what Serenity did. I hoped that she could save you since you were all of out last hope. I couldn't let you be ripped apart by the horrors of space. Even if you could stay alive for a time, you would die because of your head injury." Yoriko calmly told her.   
  
Now the picture changed. Yoriko was there, floating like her in the middle of space. She lifted the still body of Serenity into her arms, and disappeared.   
  
The whole scene vanished as well, once again leaving Usagi alone with Yoriko.   
  
"I took you here, to my home. This was the safest place for you at that time. I tried to heal you, but something was stopping me. Imagine my shock when I saw that the hatred for me in your family was so strong, that when you were born your mother placed a spell over your mind. It was this spell that was preventing me from saving your life. It was a protection spell, deeply ingrained in your blood. It prevented me from doing anything to you."   
  
"I thought that it was all over, when I realized that there was one way to save you, but that it would come at a price. The spell was in your blood, deep in your soul. One thing that you should know is that there is something special about you. Your mind was structured differently than others. Everyone's mind, is like a room full of doors. There are hallways, and passages. They span on forever. Each door represents a part of a person's personality, and a piece of their soul. I discovered that if I wanted to save you, I had to lock the doors that had the spell on them that was keeping you away from me. It was a longer process than I would have thought, but all of your power as a shadow warrior, as a warrior of light, and all of your pride was gone. There were also many other doors that I was forced to lock, in fact, most of them were. The only ones that weren't, were the childlike parts of you, the carefree parts of you, the NORMAL parts of you. That is what you have been living with all of your previous life. Haven't you ever felt like you should be able to do something, but you just couldn't, or like a part of you was missing. Like you weren't a whole person?"   
  
"YOU MONSTER!" Usagi screamed, and got ready to attack the woman. This woman, decided that she had the right to choose to do something so simply HORRIBLE to her. If it had been her decision, she would have chosen death.   
  
"DON'T do anything!" Yoriko yelled, and waved her hand. Suddenly Usagi couldn't move anymore. She could only glare in anger at the woman who had the nerve, to as she said, 'lock part of her soul away.'   
  
"Now, I'm here to give it back. You must be a complete person, not an unfinished mortal. You must be the powerful savior you are meant to be!"   
  
The fateful words echoed through Usagi's mind. 'She's right'. All of her life Usagi had never felt like a complete person. Like a part of her was missing, and she wanted nothing more than to get it back. She had never known who she was, and had tried to make up for it by going shopping and acting carefree. As hard as she tried Usagi had never been truly responsible, and had never been able to put he heart and soul into anything except Heero. All of her life Usagi had this knowledge in the back of her mind that something was wrong with her. That she was some kind of freak that didn't deserve to live. As hard as she tried to ignore it, she knew it was true. That was the reason she had never fought back when Mamoru has hurting her, because deep down, she thought that she deserved it. That was also why she took it so hard when Heero 'abandoned' her. She never felt that she was worth living for, so she lived for someone else. When she fought, she fought for her friends, her family, and the world, but never for her. In the end, she was only living for Heero, and when he was gone, she had no reason left to live. That was why she tried to end it, she didn't believe she was worth it.   
  
When Usagi looked up, Yoriko was still there, only now she was holding her hand open. In her hand, there was a crystal that shone brighter than the stars.   
  
"Is that it?" Usagi asked, staring at it in awe.   
  
"Yes my child. This is the key. In this small crystal is all of your abilities as the Daughter of Light and the Daughter of Shadows. Here is the key to many hidden parts of your mind and talents that have long been locked away for your protection. Once you have this in you, it will open doors. They will only open however, when you come to them. It will be a gradual change. For instance the, I know for a fact that you have wonderful talent ice-skating. That is one that is locked away. Until you are at the rink, getting ready to go out on the ice though, you won't know that you have ability. You must try something, before you realize that you can do it, or that you can't."   
  
Usagi couldn't take her eyes off the crystal. In that were all of the things that had been missing all of her life. All the answers to questions that she had never even thought of. In Yoriko's hand, was the one thing that could finally make her complete.   
  
Her hand trembled as she slowly 'walked' over, and reached for the crystal. The second her hand touched it, it was like being reborn.   
  
Usagi burst into a silvery white flame that enveloped her entire body. She was too bright to look at directly, as the crystal once again entered her body, and for the first time in over two thousand years, she was a complete person again.   
  
The light disappeared as soon as it appeared, leaving Usagi once again looking on the outside just as she was before, but on the inside completely different, or was she.   
  
"Wait a minute, I don't feel any different. I thought that it would be like being a different person, but now, I feel exactly the same!" Usagi burst out at Yoriko.   
  
"Be still my child, I told you that it would be gradual, and it will take time until you are back to your old self. Even if you don't notice it right away though, you HAVE changed. The doors are still locked, but you must open them." Yoriko calmly told the newly healed young woman standing in front of her. "Now it is time for you to leave this place. At first I had hoped that you would be ready for me to tell you of your destiny, but now I see that you need some time to find yourself. I will see you again when I feel that you are ready for what awaits you."   
  
And Usagi was gone.   
  
**********   
  
Oh! And I wanted to let you know, that I also have many other stories going on right now, and you should go and take a look!   
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE! I can't tell you how much I totally LOVE email! They count for like 10 reviews in my book, and really inspire me to write more, and better!   
  
Ja ne! 


	14. sonya's secrets

I hope you like the chapter!  
  
Remember to review!  
  
**  
  
The light had been blocked off in the room by the time Usagi woke up. The curtain was shut, and the only light now was coming from a small computer in the corner.  
  
Sonya sat at the computer, frantically typing on the keys. She was inside. They never thought that she would be able to pull it off. After working with that pathetic excuse for a doctor for the past 3 years, she finally got an official assingnment. She told Quatre, and the others that she had quit when Usagi went missing, but that wasn't exactly the truth. She had just been relocated. When her commanding officers had first sent her out into action, they didn't think that she would get anywhere. That's why they put her in that hellhole for the past 2 years. Now though, she finally had her break. They had found out that there was some strange things going on with Mr. Winner, and wanted someone in the house to watch on him, and to report if anything was wrong.  
  
And they gave her to job.  
  
No one could imagine her excitement when she had been notified of her change in location, she could finally put her good prying skills and her excellent ear to work. She had wanted nothing more than to help Oz her entire life. That was why she first got into the business, and now she was in the center of what seemed like a rebel base. You could only imagine her shock when she found the same woman that was reported missing under her care. It only got better when the man Dr. Jay was so interested in came bursting in. It was only a matter of time, until she would find something so valuable, that Oz couldn't help but give her a top level job.  
  
Right now, she was hacking into personal records trying to find any information on this girl. She didn't seem very important, but Sonya had a hunch that there was something about her that could take her to the top, and Sonya always listened to her instincts.  
  
**  
  
Usagi's eyelids felt like there were 10 pound weights on each eyelash. They just didn't want to open! Finally she managed to pry them up, and saw to her welcome surprise that the only light was coming from a computer. She definitely didn't want to have another experience like last time. That HURT!  
  
Usagi's eyes got wide when she finally got out of the 'early morning stupid' stages. Did that really happen? Did she finally find out what had been wrong with her all of this time, or was it just a dream?  
  
Usagi immediately threw out the thought of it being a dream. She had thought that before, and her being wrong had nearly killed her. It was much too real for it to be another picture made up in her mind.  
  
So much had happened in the last few days! She had never had any time to work out one problem, before another came crashing into her. First with Heero, and then Kaninisha, and now Yoroki! All of the thoughts were swirling though her head at once, giving her a serious headache, and problems thinking.  
  
'I wish for once I could CONCENTRATE!' She thought.  
  
And that was the first time it happened. Just like she had been told, it was like a door opening in the back of her mind. Like a part of her was suddenly intact for the first time, that had always been missing.  
  
'I guess it really wasn't a dream after all' Usagi thought with a wry grin on her face.  
  
It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, as her headache disappeared, and suddenly it all became clear. She wanted to laugh aloud as something that had been giving her problems her entire life was suddenly so easy! She could never concentrate on anything serious for more than a few minutes, it always gave her a headache, so she stopped trying. She never knew why that was, and always assumed that she was just stupid. Now is was so easy!  
  
Quickly Usagi sorted through all that had happened to her, finally making sense to her. Heero was real, he was somewhere alive, but she would never find him. Quickly she stored that information away and got to the next one. Observations that she had made before but never understood the significance of were finally making sense. Somehow she was more than just Serenity, and had powers over shadows as well. Her appearance had changed, but it was all explained by her still mysteriously dead father, that she never knew existed. Quickly she stored that information away and got to Kaninisha. There was more than him than appeared, and he somehow knew Heero. There were also many things that he could teach her, she instinctively knew. The way he talked to her before, she also knew that in her past life that was filled with so many suprises that he must have known her, and he definitely knew her mother somehow. Her mother could also somehow travel mentally to the shadow world like she could for some reason. There were so many things about her past that she didn't know!  
  
And then there was her most recent experience with the Warrior of Darkness. What did she mean her destiny? What was she talking about 'Darkness and Light have never been enemies'!? That goes against everything she has been taught to believe in. And then there was the key. Usagi still trembeled with rage that that WOMAN had the nerve to do that to her! Death was better than having a part of your soul missing, or even worse, locked away! Her entire life she had been a uncomplete person, and it was all her fault, and apparently no one else knew. Sure Usagi understood that it was done to save her life, but to tell the truth, death would have been preferable. Nothing is worse than not knowing who you are, and Usagi fervently hoped that that would never happen to her again. If it did, she really would kill herself.  
  
Usagi quickly finished making sense of the muddled mess of her thoughts, and marveled at what she had just done. 'I'm SMART!' she reveled in the feeling of accomplishment that she had never had. The feeling of pride that had always been missing in her life making it so nothing was worth doing if she couldn't appreciate what she had done.  
  
That only left one feeling left to deal with. The feeling of depression that had been one of the only ones that she had been feeling for so long. It was finally time to confront the fact that bad things had happened to her, and it was time to move one. She didn't delude herself into thinking that her mood swings and her depression would vanish right away. So many bad things had happened to her over such a long period of time. Such a transition of thought would take a long time. You couldn't heal overnight from something like this, it would take time, and also effort. It wouldn't be easy not to sink into her old mode of thought and try to look on the bright side of everything like she had once done. She would never be the same person that she had been before. She would never be the carefree girl that never had any problem worse than what she was going to wear. Even after she healed, the scars in her soul, and on her heart would never completely vanish, just like the scars on her body. At least she could get a fresh start with these new people who were kind enough to take her in. They didn't know the old Usagi, they don't even know her name!  
  
That was when Usagi decided what was going to happen. She had a chance to start over again, a new appeareance, a new attitude, and even a new name. This was the first time she could ever to anything as complete person, and she was going to get rid of her past, and concentrate on the present. Her old life was just that, a life of a innocent girl that didn't know anything about the real world, and had suffered because of it. A fool that had trusted so easily that when bad things happened, she didn't know how to deal with it. Now she was herself, not Usagi, not Serenity, not Sailor Moon, not anything but a girl that was on a mission to discover who she really was, and nothing more. For now she would put aside all of the 'special' things about her, until she found out who the ordiary person was. She needed a rock to build on before she could try to build a skyscraper. She needed to be at peace with herself before she tried bringing peace to others, and she needed to be happy before she tried making others happy as well.  
  
Usagi was startled out of her thoughts as the 2 boys from before walked into the room. She almost didn't notice them, they were so quiet. It was the blonde, who she had snapped at, and the pyscho from before, who was acting really strange when she saw him before. It didn't help him that he had a braid either. What kind of a guy walks around with a long brown bra.  
  
'NO' Usagi quickly thought her train of thoughts. If she was going to start with a clean slate, she didn't want to start by judging people without even knowing them. She wouldn't want people to take one look at her and automatically think 'freak', so she wouldn't do that to someone else either.  
  
"Hey there!" The strange man.Duo was his name, cheerfully said as he walked over to stand next to her bed. "How ya doin? You looked pretty shook up a few minutes ago."  
  
"Thanks for your concern, but I'm really fine. Just a little shook up with what happened, you know, surviving and all." Usagi greatly underexaggerated the events going on for their benefit.  
  
"As you've probably already guessed" Usagi turned her attention to the platinum haired boy how had come to stand on the other side of her bed "my name is Quatre Winner, and the loudmouth on the other side of you is Duo Maxwell."  
  
"Nice to meet you." Usagi tried to shake the men's hands, but her effort only caused her to reconsider the idea for a more favorable nod.  
  
There was a rather uncomftorable silence for a few moments, before Quatre broke it by saying. "Well, now that you know out names, would you care to tell us what yours is? Then we can know what to call you."  
  
"My name! Well.you see. my name is." Quickly Usagi tried to think up a name, any name that she could use. So long as it wasn't hers. She tried to think of someone who she admired for strength and power. Someone who knew without a doubt who she was. Someone who she could try to be more like. "Amei" a mix of two of the people she admired most in the world, and two of her best friends. Amy and Rei.  
  
"It's nice to meet you Amei. So do you know where you will be staying while you heal?" Quatre politely asked.  
  
"Well, I guess I could get an apartment until I can get a job. Maybe I can stay at a clinic or something."  
  
"I wouldn't hear of it!" Quatre interjected.  
  
"That's right beautiful! You can stay with us for a while. I'll have you back on your feet in no time at all." Duo stated with a goofy grin on his face.  
  
Usagi turned a slight shade of red at his words. No one had really ever talked to her like that. She never was very pretty, and now it was even more strange because she looked like a freak. He must be a very considerate person after all if he would lie on her account. Usagi couldn't help but be glad that she had decided not to judge him. He seemed really nice after all. Just a little eccterinic, and those are the best type of people!  
  
"That's very kind of you. I think I'll accept."  
  
**  
  
Remember to review the chapter if you liked it, if you don't or if you feel like it. Just keep in mind that I write because the reviews I get inspire me, and the more I get, the longer I want the chapters to be, and the harder I'll work on them because I know that you want me too.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE I love email, and one message can totally make my day! 


	15. rei

Inner Strength.  
  
THAT'S RIGHT PEEPS! I finally got another chapter of my story out, and I hope that it's from a perspective you enjoy. I know it's not Heero, but I'm missing some of my chapters, so I wrote this instead until I can find them. ENJOY!  
  
I also wanted to remind you that I have other stories out if you want to check up on them.  
  
REVIEW! IF YOU WANT TO HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT, I NEED TO HEAR IT FROM YOU! YOU KNOW THAT THEY SAY…ASSUME NOTHING.  
  
Rei stood with all of her friends, and the only member of her family. Everyone who had ever loved the small energetic blonde was there. Tears were abundant in the crowd as all those who were still mourning, and would still for a long time to come tried to comfort those near them.  
  
Usagi had been gone for nearly two weeks. No, Rei mentally corrected herself, if Usagi was gone she might come back. Usagi was dead. The girl that was so full of life was now completely devoid of it. She was never going to smile, or get in a tongue war with her again. There were so many things that Rei wished that she had said to Usagi. She wished she could apologize for all of the times she had been mean, but most of all she wished that she could have told Usagi just how she felt about her before she died. Not only was Usagi her friend, she was her best friend. Rei knew that Usagi most likely hated her, after all, when she spoke to her before she died her voice was so full of loathing, a hatred so great the Rei didn't even believe that Usagi who loved everyone could feel it for everyone, let alone her. It was a shock that she was still reeling from.  
  
NO. She wouldn't let herself think of the day that Usagi died. It was constantly in her mind, and even sleep wasn't an escape from the wrenching guilt that she felt, because nightmares haunted her every night. The same words echoing in her head over and over again.  
  
It's all your fault.  
  
As much as Rei tried to deny it, she knew that it was true. Usagi was fine until Rei slapped her. Such a crude mean was to deal with a girl that had just had a huge problem in her life. Rei should had realized as soon as she saw Usagi screaming her head off that something was wrong even greater than some problem with her boyfriend. She should have been kind, and tried to comfort the girl. Instead she had slapped her so hard that there was a red mark on Usagi's face afterward. She had spoken harsh words when she should have only told Usagi that she was there for her, and if she needed to, she could cry on her shoulder. So many things that she could have done differently haunted her, as she constantly wished that she could just go back and do it all differently. She couldn't even apologize, all she could do was walk up to the empty coffin, and place a white daisy on it, and whisper an apology to the air around her. It would never be heard by the girl she wanted to hear it, but it still needed to be said.  
  
All of the other roses on top of the coffin were red, and her daisy stood out like a sore thumb. She could have gotten Usa a rose of that color, but for some reason to her it had seemed wrong…  
  
**  
  
Flashback  
  
**  
  
Mothers day was tomorrow, and Usagi and her were going out some roses, 1 for Usagi to give to her mother, and 1 for Rei to put on her mothers grave. The air was brisk on this early morning, and they were both wearing heavy sweaters to protect themselves from the chill.  
  
Usagi was surprisingly quiet for someone who normally wouldn't stop talking. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, like when she was alone with her birds, this was an uneasy silence that put Rei on edge.  
  
When Usagi didn't think that she was looking, Rei would quickly glance in her direction, something was wrong, and she knew it. She wasn't quite sure how she knew, but something was and she was going to find out what.  
  
She would have completely missed it if she hadn't been looking. When Usagi walked, she usually took great strides, almost like she couldn't wait to get where she was going. She was normally smiling, and in a good mood. Usagi was smiling like she normally did, but there was something wrong with it. There was also something wrong with her walk. It was almost like she flinched when she was walking, like she was in pain but trying to hide it.  
  
Rei was just about to ask her about it, when Usagi suddenly stopped.  
  
"Rei! Where did your mind go? You were just about to walk past the flower shop! You can be such a baka sometimes." Usagi still had the smile on her face as she turned to speak to her, and her words were still teasing.  
  
THERE. That was it, what she didn't notice before. Even though Usagi had a big grin plastered onto her face, her smile never reached her eyes. Her words also sounded forced. As if she was trying to sound teasing…  
  
"I'm not a baka MEATBALL HEAD. You're the one that can't even make it to anything on time!" She automatically said as she watched Usagi to check out her reaction.  
  
For a second there was no immediate reaction, then almost as if Usagi suddenly realized that she should be angry her face turned red and she stormed off into the flower shop. Strange…  
  
When she got there, Usagi was already looking at the flowers. She seemed caught in indecision, as if she couldn't figure out what flower to get for her mother.  
  
"I'm going to buy a red rose for my mom, aren't you going to get the same?" Rei asked, confused at the way Usagi was acting. She LOVED roses, especially the red ones. She had ever since she had first seen Tuxedo Mask throw one in the middle of a battle. Rei was so sure that she would go and get one of those right away.  
  
This was the first time she had received a real reaction from her friend all day. Usagi's face turned a color of white plaster, and she whispered in a raspy voice. "I think I'll get something different, roses just aren't me anymore."  
  
Rei's eyes widened in shock. On scrap paper Usagi would constantly draw roses, and had even become fairly good at it. Her favorite shirt had a red rose on the front of it, what did she mean when she said they weren't her anymore?  
  
Rei dropped it, and they both ended up buying their flowers. Rei still ended up getting a red rose, and Usagi got, of all things, got some strange black flowers from the back of the room. Rei had never seen their like before, and now that she was thinking about it, she couldn't even remember what the names of them were. They were almost depressing to look at, and as far as Rei had known, Usagi hated anything black.  
  
On the way back to the temple they passed a little girl playing in the park. She was chasing a butterfly, and ran to try to catch it as it flew and landed on one flower, and she would run to try to pick the flower while the butterfly was still on top of it, and then she would run as fast as she could to the next flower and quick as lightning would pick it again.  
  
Rei wanted to move on, but for some reason Usagi didn't move. She was just staring at the little girl.  
  
Finally as they watched the little girl became exhausted, and gave up. She lay on her back, and started looking at the clouds. Rei started to move on, but Usagi seemed to be waiting for something.  
  
Just when she was about to give up, Rei saw something she had never thought she would see. The girl had closed her eyes, and looked like she was sleeping. Then, almost like it came out of nowhere, the butterfly once again entered the scene. Not seeming to care that this was the girl that was chasing it only minutes before, it gently landed on her nose. The girl didn't seem to move a muscle, but Rei couldn't help but notice that she had opened her eyes, and was now staring in awe at the beautiful butterfly not even inches from her face.  
  
Finally Rei felt more than saw Usagi move. She walked slowly up to where the girl had been chasing the butterfly, and like it was a precious jewel she picked it up and put it in her hair. When she turned around and Rei saw the smile that covered her face, Rei realized that a smile like that…she hadn't seen one on Usagi's face for a long time.  
  
And they walked home, and continued with their lives.  
  
**  
  
End Flashback  
  
**  
  
Rei's need to know what was wrong with her friend nearly drove her away. She only asked her once what was wrong, and the response she got made her realize that she wasn't going to get an answer that way.  
  
Usagi had been staring of into space, but Rei thought the she could still hear her. She quietly asked what was wrong, trying to be nice about it, like a true friend would. Usagi just pretended not to hear her, and ignored her for the rest of the day. After that she spent most of her time staring off into space when she thought no one was looking, and so Rei never asked again.  
  
She soon became snappy with her friend and even at times downright mean. After all, if they were really friends, Usagi should have been able to tell her anything…right. That was the main reason she reacted like she did when she saw her friend screaming. She was so frustrated when she once again saw her friend in pain, and knew that there was nothing she could do to help, because she didn't even know what the problem was. She didn't really think that Usagi was shallow enough to be in so much pain over a boyfriend, but she hoped that if she said that, she would force Usagi to tell her what was really wrong, just to prove that she wasn't screaming over something so stupid. Even Rei knew that Mamoru wasn't worth it, and somehow she felt that Usagi knew that too.  
  
But these things can't be changed, so pulling herself out of her thoughts Rei walked over to her other friends who were grouped together, gaining comfort in the closeness.  
  
Rei stood out of all of them though, everyone around her's faces were bathed in tears, but she had none left to shed. All she could do was remember, and try to never forget the small girl that was so full of energy, and love for all those around her, and then resorted to something no one though her possible of…suicide.  
  
Rei couldn't help but briefly wonder what her friend had done to end her own life. She hoped with all of her might that it was truly painless, and when she left the world, she was able to gain a small measure of peace and respite from the problems that she had as long as Rei knew her.  
  
'Usa…my friend' she though. 'From this day forth, when I sing, it will be for you, and no one will be able to forget the impact that your life made on all who knew you.'  
  
Knowing that was all she could do, but that it wasn't nearly enough, she once more said goodbye…forever.  
  
  
  
EMAIL ME AT SIRENCALLING@YAHOO.COM! I HOPE YOU WILL, AND KNOW THAT IF I CAN, I WILL RESPOND. 


	16. finally! heero

Authors Notes- Now…I was planning on giving you a spiel about how horrible it is to get so few reviews for a chapter I worked really hard on, and I was also going to tell all of you that if you don't appreciate my story enough to tell me, why bother finishing it? I was going to say all of these things, but instead I changed my mind. You may wonder what could take me out of a slump, to where I am know. You see, every once in a while I read a review, that is just so nice, and so kind, and that says exactly what I want to hear when I write my story. I got this review today, and because if it, instead of not finishing it, I'm going to post sooner than I was going to. Thank you soooo much L.O. I really appreciate it, and you made my day.  
  
**  
  
Once more the day dawned, a day like so many, but as the same time like none before it. The urge to sit up and stretch nearly made Usagi go crazy, as she could never start the day without doing so. Contrary to what most people thought though, she was hardly and when you have a 6 inch long gash barely healed across the center of your stomach, and countless sores besides that, moving wasn't a good idea.  
  
She wasn't sure what had caused her to wake from her first night of peaceful sleep in days. It was so good not to be confronted with new questions while she slept. Normally when she closed her eyes, she wanted nothing more than to go to what she now knew was the shadow world, but like she decided before, now was a time to think over what she already knew, without any more problems to puzzle about.  
  
THERE! That was what woke her up. She almost missed the slight sound of music playing in the background, so quiet that she had to strain to hear the complex melody.  
  
All of her life she had always had this intense love for music, but she avoided it at all costs. She was just so horrible. If she ever tried to sing, windows would break, and if she even came close to anything that made noise, it was almost predetermined that she would do something to damage the instrument. Just listening to anything playing in the background was almost painful because she wanted to take part in it so badly, but knew she would never be able to do so. No one else knew just how hard it was for her to desire so greatly it hurt to do something, but know that it was forever beyond her reach.  
  
Rei sometimes teased her about her horrible voice, thinking that Usagi didn't care. When her friend had finally left after she sang in a concert Usagi would silently cry in the dark, the pain at wanting to do something so badly made her actually cry, when not even being beaten could cause her to do so.  
  
She lay there, enjoying the sounds coming from the room. It was a violin, much like the one Michiru used when she played. She couldn't help but wonder where it was coming from. For the first time since she had sunk into the depths of depression, and new emotion sparked inside her…curiosity.  
  
For longer than she had ever dreamed possible, she had stopped caring. If something happened that was strange, or if there was a mystery out there, she no longer had any desire to find out what it was. Something that used to be a driving force in her life, something that made her playful and fun, something that made her her, just didn't seem worth the effort anymore. She was curious when she wanted to find out what was in that horrible box, and because she just had to know, she had see, and felt what had nearly ruined her life. How could she know what other questions might have answers like that one? She had forcibly gotten rid of any wanting, to know…  
  
And now it was back.  
  
**  
  
It might sound strange to someone else that Usagi keeps on dwelling on her past, and the things that have gone wrong. Others might have simply moved on, but these people were not, nor would they ever be Usagi. Suddenly, she has her life thrust back into her hands, and everything seems fascinating. Every ordinary occurance is somehow new, and it was like she was suddenly discovering the world all over again. I also, being the recorder of past events and stories, find it hard to truly express the feelings that she felt at the time these events were going on. There is so much emotion, and words cannot truly express them all. Please bear with me.  
  
**  
  
The small bed had been her home for the past couple of days, and Usagi could feel herself slowly going out of her mind. She could have gone to the shadow world, but that would ruin her conviction not to do so. Instead she had laid here for what seemed like weeks, even though she knew it wasn't so. The only comfort in her silence soon became the music, that sometimes played, and she would wait for it with eagerness. She wanted to know where it was coming from, but those answers would come later. For now, she just tried not to go out of her mind…again.  
  
**  
  
Quatre never knew that such someone would be such a control freak! He had tried over and over again to go and see his guest, but since he had invited her to stay, he had been banned from the room. Sonya told him, and anyone else that might have wanted to go in, to back off, and let her patient get her rest. She would stand in front of the door, with her hands on her hips, and tell him that on no uncertain terms he would go away. It was beginning to get quite frustrating, and soon all he wanted to do was barge in and demand some answers. He knew that it wouldn't work, but the temptation was still there. At least it gave him time to work on some of his projects for his guest…  
  
He went off to take to duo about what they were going to do with the girl.  
  
**  
  
BORED, BORED, BORED……Usagi was so bored. Time ceased to have a meaning as she continued to lay in the bed. The music had stopped a while ago, and that only left her alone with her thoughts. That was one thing she didn't want, so she just started counting the tiles on the ceiling, then the holes.  
  
"1234, 1235,…" She started saying aloud. What had happened to those guys anyway. What, they pretend to be really nice, and then just leave her here?! Even Sonya, her nurse only came in a few times a day, and even then she didn't seem to want to talk.  
  
She was just about ready to scream in frustration, when she heard someone else had already succumbed to the urge to shout.  
  
"You can't go in there! She needs her rest." Usagi heard the sound of a womans voice, sort of panicked.  
  
Then there was muffling as someone responded, and the door opened.  
  
Usagi barely contained herself from sighing in relief, when she saw the 2 nice men from before. She noticed the Chinese one wasn't coming in, but it was almost a relief not to see someone who so obviously felt so much contempt for her.  
  
First came in the blonde man…Quatre, and behind him came the man with the braid…Duo. But wait a minute, what was that Duo was wheeling in front of him?  
  
Duo had a huge grin on his face as he wheeled in a wheelchair. It wasn't like the ones she had seen at home, it seemed more hi-tech, and also very comftoable. 'freedom…'  
  
"Miss" Usagi turned to see Quatre talking. "I'm so sorry I've been such a bad host, but we just recently found something that you might want to see.  
  
Once again came that old emotion, curiosity. What could they have possibly found that she would want to know about.  
  
Duo was very quiet, like he wanted to start saying something, but he couldn't. That only made her want to know more. He had the look that even if he opened his mouth to say hello, he would not be able to restrain himself from revealing the secret.  
  
He walked over go her, and so gently asked "Do you mind if I picked you up to put you in the chair? I'll try not to hurt you."  
  
Now…Usagi knew how much it hurt just to sit up, and that being picked up would be pure agony. "Of course" She said instead, not wanting him to know just how much he would hurt her, and wanting to get out of the bed enough to endure it.  
  
And he picked her up like she was a small child. She was expecting him to be rough, but he was surprisingly gentle as he carried her over to the chair, and placed her inside. He didn't even seem to notice the strain of her weight, like she was feather-light.  
  
And with Quatre leading the way, Duo slowly wheeled her out of the room, and into the hall.  
  
Usagi never imagined the house was so big. They must have passed hundreds of doors, and the hallways seemed to go on for miles. Slowly her eyes drooped down, and she wasn't able to stop herself from falling asleep.  
  
**  
  
"Amei, Amei, wake up." Usagi heard, but at first she didn't move, thinking that the voice was speaking to someone else. She came so close to saying that she wasn't Amei, and to go find her, but she stopped herself just in time.  
  
Her eyes snapped open as she once again realized where she was, and that yes, the voice was talking to her.  
  
And she was staring right into cobalt blue eyes, not inches from her face. They seemed worried, but when Duo saw her wake up so suddenly, he jerked back like he was burned. "We're here." She heard another voice off to her side, and saw Quatre once again enter her line of vision.  
  
She was right in front a fairly small, plain door. Compared to the ostentatious doors they had passed before, she would have completely missed it.  
  
She knew that whatever was on the other side of the door would be the surprise, and knowing this made her instead of excited…suddenly afraid. Once again she remembered the box, wrapped up with the present inside. To open this door would be just like opening the box, and it might contain just as horrible a surprise. She was just about to say not to open the door, but the decision was taken out of her hands, as Quatre opened it, eager for her to see what was inside.  
  
The sudden amount of light made her squint, delaying her first impression of the room. When the white suddenly left her eyes, she was able to look inside.  
  
It was a absolutely huge. The room had a black carpet, and white walls. There were silver designs etched on the walls, giving the room a mystic look. This was the bedroom, and there was a huge bed, with railings placed on the side someone could use to pull themselves onto it. There were a few other doors as well.  
  
Quatre was talking as he motioned with his hands to all of the parts of the room. "And this is the walk in closet, and this leads to the bathroom. Here, if you open the glass door on the other side of the room, leads to the balcony.  
  
Faster than lightning the glass door occupied her attention. All of her life Usagi had this love of balconies. She could never figure it out until she decided that it had something to do with her past life as Serenity. Even though she couldn't really remember that time, she had this feeling that her favorite place was the balcony, where she could look at the stars, and at the moon.  
  
She never had one in this life though, so it was great to actually know that even if it was only for a short time, she could feel the night wind on her face as she looked at the sky.  
  
"And, this suite is totally wheelchair effective. You should be able to do anything you normally would do without it, and not have any problems." Quatre said with pride. This had been his mother's room. No one ever knew this, but his mother was born with a back disease that prevented her from ever walking. The room had been empty ever since his mother's death. Somehow it seemed right for the first person to be Amei, like his mother would have wanted to help her just like he did.  
  
Usagi wanted to cry as she just stared at the suite. It was obvious that a lot of thought had gone into her stay here. Like they actually cared that she was happy, or even comfortable. And even after what she said before.  
  
That reminded her. "Um…Quatre, I just wanted to apologize to you for talking to you like that a few days ago. I didn't mean to yell at you like that."  
  
"Already forgotten." Quatre stated.  
  
"I just have one question left. How am I supposed to get around in this thing, if someone isn't here to wheel me?" Usagi asked Duo and Quatre.  
  
Duo slapped himself in the forehead. "We didn't even think of that! We planned everything so she could get around in her wheelchair, but that won't do any good if she can't move it!"  
  
Quatre have Duo a small smile. "Did I forget to tell you? I had a remote control installed in the chair yesterday. Amei shouldn't have any trouble getting around." And he pulled it out of his pocket, and handed it to Usagi.  
  
Usagi looked curiously at the gadget, trying to figure it out. It looked really high-tech. It was obvious what the controls were for, move, and turn, and everything, but she had never seen anything so advanced before. It looked like something NASA would make, not a simple wheelchair control.  
  
'Wait a minute! This thing only goes up to 5 miles per hour! How am I supposed to get anywhere going at a snails pace!' her mind screamed at her. As had always been in a hurry, whether to class, or school, or even the mall. She could run 10 times faster than this could move her!  
  
Usagi tried not to show her concern, and smiled and thanked Quatre. Her mind was somewhere else though. It was so familiar, like she should know how to mess with the control to give her what she wanted.  
  
And once again she got the oh so familiar headache, that she now realized showed that she had run directly into a door. She could almost picture herself standing in front of a door, banging frantically at it trying to get inside. That is the way that it had always been before, but now she had a key.  
  
And the door opened. This time was different that before, when she had opened the door that allowed her to concentrate, she was immediately filled with a rightness of being. This time, she only received not memories, but knowledge.  
  
That was when she realized one of the talents that she always had a knack for that had been blocked away. She liked to tinker with machinery! Take things apart, put gadgets back together, and become covered with oil in the process.  
  
And another piece fell into place. Another part of her soul was once again added to the puzzle that was her mind.  
  
Now she looked at it with new eyes. She could fix this! Just move that there, and twist that, it should be easy to change her speed from 5 miles an hour, to 50. In fact, she could probably go up to 75! Usagi started turning it over and over again in her hands, examining every part of it. She wanted to sit there, marveling in her newfound ability forever. This was something that she loved to do, and now she finally could. It was something that used to give her joy, and had been taken away from her and now she had finally gotten back. She wanted to cry at the pure joy of it. It was the best feeling in the entire world to her. Usagi couldn't help but want it to happen again. There were so many things about herself that she yearned to learn about. How could she have ever wanted to kill herself and miss out on these wonderful feelings!  
  
"Are you Ok Miss?" Quatre looked puzzlingly at the girl that had been sitting in the wheelchair for the past 10 minutes, staring at the simple remote control like it was a lifeline and her very being depended on the fact that she memorized every small twist and turn  
  
Usagi looked up dazedly at the blonde boy. "I'm fine" she tried to think of something to say. She couldn't say the truth, so she just said "I'm a little dizzy is all. I think that I should lie down."  
  
"No problem babe. We should have realized that you're still weak and this it too much. Here, let me help you."  
  
And Duo gently lifted the girl up, and cradled her in his arms, and slowly walked over to the large bed and laid her into it. He couldn't help but smile as he saw that Usagi had fallen asleep, and now looked like an angel. Duo felt the strong feeling of protectiveness that he had felt when he had first found her. He wanted to keep all of the problems of the world away from this girl forever. He wanted to take all of her pain onto himself, and allow her to keep that serene expression on her face forever. He gently tucked her blankets up to her chin like she was a child, and walked away.  
  
Quatre stared at his braided friend. Duo was acting so out of character. Quatre had never seen that expression on the boy before. It was sooooo….. words couldn't describe the beautiful scene that he had just witnessed. He could only stare at the now sleeping girl. Who was she that she could bring out these sides of both Duo, and yes-even Wufei, that no one would have ever thought was there. She looked like an angel, and who knows, maybe she was. Quatre left Duo alone, staring in wonder at the girl, that they didn't even know who she was really.  
  
**********  
  
Heero sat in the cold, dark room. Once again the litany that he had heard all of his life was running through his mind.  
  
"You are cold, you are emotionless, you are a machine, you are the perfect soldier, no one else is real, only you, and your mission."  
  
Heero wanted to laugh at Dr. J. He thought that because of his training, he had managed to do something no one else had ever managed to do. He thought that he had created a perfect soldier. He actually believed that he was the first person in history to manage to create a machine out of a person. He never would have realized the truth. Even Heero who had lived like that for almost 10 years found the whole experience hard to believe. It defied all of the laws of science known to man, but how could it not be real?  
  
He vividly remembered to this day when the 'miracle' had happened to him.  
  
**********  
  
So what do you all think? I know you've been begging for something from Heero for a long time now, and here it is. Maybe not what you expected, but at least it's something.  
  
Email me if you like it, if you hated it, even if you don't have any feelings at all!  
  
At sirencalling@yahoo.com I love email, and nothing can make my day better than a simple email message. 


	17. heero's secret

Authors Notes- You asked for it, and you got it. A whole chapter dedicated totally to the man that you all know and love, Heero. I has been months since I first started this story, and I know how bad it is to wait. I hope this chapter makes it worth it. You may be shocked, you may be amazed, you may want to strangle me, just enjoy.  
  
1 Must Read  
  
I wanted to let you know, that I worked really hard on this chapter to make it perfect, to make you guys happy. I'm usually nice about things like this, but if you people don't review, I am DEAD serious, I won't finish this story. Unless you're a writer you can't realize that when I write, I put a piece of myself into my words, and if you EVER want to know what is going on, you NEED do tell me. I've seen stories with 2 chapters and 20 words a piece get tons of reviews, when it's obvious it only took them minutes to write. If you think that I'm not worth it, don't tell me, don't review, just sit there, and wonder.  
  
**  
  
Dr. J's voice sounded through the small boys mind, over and over again. Heero couldn't remember the day that the Dr. had first entered his life. It seemed like it had always been like this. Endless training, even from when he was a small boy. There was the pain, and the exaustion, that seemed like everyday occurances now. Most of all…there were the nights…  
  
Heero would usually go to bed, completely exhausted, but he could never sleep. It should be such an easy thing, to just close your eyes, and drift off into dreamland, but it was never so easy for him. It wasn't some problem with this brain, or him, or anything. It was the recording, that played endlessly through the night.  
  
"You are Emotionless. You are the Perfect Soldier. You are a Weapon. You are a Machine. You have no life. You live only to Serve…" And so it continued on and on. Slowly brainwashing the young boy's mind.  
  
For a boy so small, so young, and nothing to live by, this was pure torture. He was only 7 years old, and he wasn't allowed to have the childhood he needed. There was no time to play. The word was not even in his vocabulary. There was no one his age. There was only Dr. J, his father, his mentor, his captor. He was the one who wanted him to be emotionless. He was the one who wanted him to be a machine, and try as he might, Heero couldn't do it. He tried not to feel, but there was always the pain in the back on his mind. There was the humanity, and need to be sheltered. This part of him had been blocked up by walls of brick, trying to protect the little child left inside. But try as he might to protect himself, they were slowly crumbling…  
  
Heero felt the desperate need to save himself from a fate worse than death, but try as hard as he could, he just couldn't do it. There seemed no way. It would be very soon, he would turn into a machine. He was so young, it wouldn't be long now that the walls would be gone, and he would turn into everything that he had feared becoming for so long…He was about to give up hope, when the man entered his mind.  
  
"I will take you to a place to keep you safe." Was all he said. Heero had no idea how he did it but he could feel his mind slowly seperating. It was like part of his mind was leaving his body, to go off somewhere else. The sensation was like nothing else he had ever felt, it was so unnatural. He had no idea what was going on, but somehow, it felt right.  
  
The next thing he knew, he was surrounded by shadows. There was a man standing in front of him, the first one besides Dr. J that he had ever seen. There was something beautiful about the way he smiled almost fatherly at him and it caused a warm feeling to spread throughout his body. He felt almost loved. It was the first time anyone had made him feel that way and he didn't really know what to do. Unconsiously, he found himself slowly smiling back.  
  
The man's golden hair and blue eyes were extremely strange for someone who had never seen either before. The big man slowly held out his hand, and said. "Hello" Cheerfully "I'm Kanishina. What's you're name?"  
  
Heero didn't know how to respond to the man. What did he want him to do with this hand? Kanishina smiled encouragely at him, and on pure instinct heero stepped forward and placed his hand in his. Kanshina slowly shook it, while Heero looked at his strangely. "I'm Heero."  
  
"It's very nice to meet you Heero. Now that I think of it, Kanishina is a large name for you to say, and far too formal. To tell you the truth, and don't tell anyone, that's not even my real name. It's just a title. It means Guardian in my native tounge. You can just call me Razan. That's what my parents called me."  
  
Heero nodded dumbly. He still wasn't sure why he was here, or even how he got here. Whatever happened to this cell, and his horrible training?  
  
"I'll bet you're wondering where you are hun kid?" Razan said with a small smirk on his face. "That's kind of hard to explain, and way to complicated for you to hope to understand. I'll just say for now that you're in a dream world. I felt your soul calling out for release, and decided that you needed the extra help. I seperated your humanity from the rest of your body, what you were it's like I took your soul here. That MAN wanted a perfect soldier, and he'd as soon kill you as let you keep your human side. Dr. J will get what he always wanted, a machine. Every person has an essence, a soul. It takes a lot of energy, but what very few people realize is that they can be separated. A soul can leave the body, leaving the body as nothing but a empty shell. Even if the body dies, or the soul dies, the other will live on. Even though your soul is now separated, if you wish to enter your body, you can look though it's eyes like a movie screen. You can't control it without combining them both though. If you ever choose to do that, you must remember that it's a one-way ticket. Once you're here, you get one chance. If you ever go back, you won't be able to come back here. I don't want you to feel trapped here like you were there. You can still check up on your body and see what it's doing."  
  
So much information…all it once. This man certianly didn't mince with words. He didn't give him time to hear one new idea, before he was smashed with another.  
  
Heero's small 7-year-old body shook with excitement. It was like some sort of a dream. He had always wanted to give his surrogate father what he wanted, a machine. He had never been willing to do that at the expense of his personality, his childlike attitude. Now, it seems that he will get the best of both worlds.  
  
"So what's this place like?" Heero asked curiously. "After all, if I'm going to live here, I should get to know the place."  
  
Razan smiled thankfully, he had thought for moment that the boy would refuse his offer, and become a monster. That wasn't a risk he was willing to take.  
  
"This world is a shadow of your world….."(AN: insert previously stated explanation.)  
  
"But if this is just a shadow, what am I supposed to do here?! This place is just a gray world, with nothing to look at, or nothing to do!"  
  
"But that's where you're wrong. If you can learn how to part the mists, it can be just like you're in the real world. You can see the sights, look at the people going about their daily lives, and observe. The one thing that you can't do is you cannot affect the world you're looking at. This place is just a shadow, you can't smell the grass, or really be there, unless you are in your body." Razan finished.  
  
"And now it's time to begin your education. If you're going to be with me for a while, I can't let you grow up stupid." Heero grimaced at the idea. He didn't want to do school here! Not yet anyway. He wanted to explore!  
  
It was much more fun than he would have ever thought could be. Razan didn't force him to study and do things that he didn't want to do. He didn't get hurt if he didn't do something right the first time. It was almost fun... Razan could use the shadow as like a virtual reality place. He could take them to whatever time they were studying about, and Heero could watch with his own eyes as wars, and weddings happened. Instead of just reading in a book, Heero was THERE. Razan was also an excellent teacher, and explained what he was talking about in a way that made it easy to understand.  
  
**  
  
And that had been the beginning of his dream. Sometimes he would look through the eyes of his body, but not very often. He couldn't believe what it started doing after only a short period of time. Even now, Heero shuddered at the thoughts of what his body, and in a sense HE had done, and thanked god, or whoever designated him to be the one saved that he had managed to escape when there was still time.  
  
He had learned more than most people can ever know in a lifetime there. He had learned about other worlds, and science more high-tech than any other person. Most of all, he learned how to grow up into a good person. To his surprise he discovered that Razan also had a childlike personality, and they spent quite a bit of time playing around, and making fun of people they saw. I was all in all a good, no more like magical life. That was what makes it so hard to accept.  
  
It was bad enough that he left his life behind, but he also left what had become his reason for living behind.  
  
He could even remember the first day he had seen her…  
  
**  
  
It was the first time Heero was able to part the shadows himself. Razan had been trying to teach him for almost 5 years, but he had never been able to do it himself. He always needed Razan to do it for him. It was a problem that he simply couldn't understand. It should have been so easy, just use your subconscious, and part the mists to see what was beyond them. Razan was able to do it easily, and could even change the dimension, or time, or even place that they were in. Heero couldn't do anything but try in vain to do what he had a mental block for.  
  
Heero had wanted to give up so many times, but the thought that he could do it himself, and how much fun it would be drove him on and on.  
  
And then it happened. It parted right before him, and revealed to Heero the strangest sight ever. It was one of a young girl running as fast as she could in some direction. Her pigtails were flying from two strange buns on either side of her head.  
  
There was just something about her that drew Heero's attention. He couldn't help but watch her, and what he saw, amazed him. She was so carefree! There was more to her though…an outer tension. It was like something was wrong with her aura or something.  
  
She was a lot like his body was. There was something about her that was missing, like his body was missing a soul. He would never had noticed it if he hadn't seen something like it before. It was something that was so hidden, but somehow Heero could just see it.  
  
And that began his facination with the strange girl, that he soon realized called herself Usagi.  
  
If Razan ever realized what he was up to when he spent most of his free time all alone doing something, (watching the girl), he never showed it. So Heero watched as she grew up, and he saw her go through all of the problems of her life. He wanted to cry as she constantly looked at her face in the mirror, and asked herself 'what's wrong with me?' and called herself a freak. He wanted to scream 'I know, your not a freak! You're just like me!' but he never did. He just got to know her better than she knew herself without ever even meeting her.  
  
You could only imagine his shock when he watched as a black cat came into her life and told her that she was some kind of superheroine. This wasn't what she needed, or wanted, but she did it for everyone who was counting on her. He stared amazed as he saw all of the things that she could do, and she wasn't even a complete person!  
  
And then that Mamoru character came into her life. Heero had an immediate dislike of him, and knew that he wasn't good for his angel. She was only for him.  
  
And that was also the first time Heero was forced to confront a startling fact, that had feelings for her that was more than friendship. It was the strangest feeling. The need to protect her, and hold her, and the yearning to be with her. He had never felt anything like this for anyone before, and at first he didn't realize what it was. Then it came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He had heard of this when he was having lessons. This must be love…Everything about her was perfect in his eyes, even her flaws. He was down to earth, head over heels in love with the girl! He wanted to run up to her and proclaim his feelings to her face. He wanted to kiss her pink lips, and have her kiss back. He wanted to tell her everything about his life, and have her tell him all about hers. He wanted to…  
  
But he couldn't do anything like that. For the first time in his life Heero regretted the fact that he was living in this shadow world. Sure if it wasn't for it, he never would have seen her, but he could never be with her. Not only was she too good for him, but if he ever wanted to be with her, he would need to go back to his body. That was something he was willing to do, but he knew that she was in dimension different than his, and even if he got a body, she would still be beyond his reach. He wouldn't even be able to see her anymore.  
  
No…this was the best. At least like this he could watch her, grow up, and fall in love with someone she could be with.  
  
And then jelousy boiled in his stomach at the thought that this Mamoru character would at least have a chance with her. He could talk to her, he could be with her.  
  
So Heero tried to push down the rage, that slowly came boiling even hotter as he watched as Usagi turned into Serenity, and fell in love with the black haired boy. He wanted to strangle the man as he kissed those lips that Heero had been dreaming about for so long…  
  
Mamoru didn't treat Usagi like she deserved either, all of the times he hurt her, when he went to the side of the Negaverse, and then when he couldn't remember her. Heero was forced to watch as Usagi tried to get him back, and then he blew her off.  
  
And then he dumped her. Heero wanted to kill the man as he saw Usagi cry by her bedside every day.  
  
But nothing could compare to the first time that Mamoru hit her…Heero blew up. He felt his anger turn almost tangible. He barely took notice of the black energy whipping around him. He was so caught in his anger that he didn't even see the black lightning got closer and closer to the scene in front of him. It was mere inches from touching the hated man. He had no idea of what he was doing. All he wanted was to see this monster cry out as he experienced greater pain than he had ever felt in his life. He wanted to see this man fall to his knees, and beg for the pain to end. He wanted this man to die…  
  
**  
  
What can I say? I wasn't going to end there, and I even have the rest of it already written! It was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Please don't kill me… all you have to do to get the next chapter VERY soono (did I mention it's already written?) is review my story. Like I said before, I could easilly end it here if you want me to.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have ANYTHING so say. Even if it's just hi, I'd love to hear from you.  
  
Ja ne till next time! 


	18. darkness

Authors Notes- First I want to warn you that this isn't the chapter I was planning to post. That was lost a few days ago, so I quickly wrote another one. While it isn't as well written, at least I added a few things that I wasn't going to. I hope you enjoy.  
  
OH MAN!  
  
I couldn't believe the response I got not only to my story, but also to my beginning message. I had NO IDEA so many people felt the same way I do, and I'm sooo glad I decided to add it to my story. Thank you EVERYONE. So many people were soooo nice, that I couldn't believe I ever threatened to stop my story; I couldn't disappoint so many great people! *glomps reviewers* THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh, and I was wondering if someone could answer my question. You see, about an hour after I updated my story, I found that I had a TON of reviews. I was wondering how this was possible, because even though the chapter had been updated, it hadn't been brought to the beginning of the list yet, and was still on the THIRD page! How did everyone know I posted?  
  
I would really appreciate an answer, because the question has been driving me crazy!  
  
**  
  
Kaninisha's eyes snapped open, suddenly pulling himself out of the meditating trance he was in. Something was wrong in his world…something that he had been trying to prevent for years now.  
  
He quickly willed the scene to come in front of him. Heero couldn't notice him, but that wasn't important. He needed to be stopped, or he would be lost forever.  
  
In front of him, crackling with black energy was his student. The boy that was almost a son to him. He didn't realize what he was doing, that much was sure. He had succumbed to a rage deeper than he should have ever experienced, so he wouldn't know what was really going on.  
  
Before it was too late to stop him, although it was sooo tempting not to, he willed Heero to unconsciousness, and watched as he fell to the floor. In a world where nothing was really real, and nothing here could effect the black energy, Heero had accomplished something that should have been impossible. Leaving him laying where he was, Kaninisha allowed Heero to succumb to an inner battle, one that only he could win. He had been prepared for this day for years now, but nothing could ever truly prepare Kaninisha for the reality of what had just happened.  
  
When he was once again alone, Kaninisha willed the scene that Heero had been watching in front of him. How much he wished that he could have just let Heero kill the horrible man, and how much he wished he could do the same. He knew that it was impossible though, and so he could only watch, his eyes smoldering with rage.  
  
**  
  
Heero never knew how close he came to losing himself to a darker side of his nature that day. He never even comprehended just what he had been doing as the black energy came from him. All he remembered of that day was wanting to kill Mamoru, and then falling unconscious.  
  
And that became his inner struggle. He wanted now, more than ever to comfort the girl that he had watched for so long, in her time of trouble. He soon became obsessed with her, now greater than ever. He felt, that if he never left her alone, and he watched her at all times, even while she was sleeping, he was somehow helping her. As if when he left her alone with her pain, he had truly abandoned her. Every time he saw something bad happen to her, the darkness in him swelled to greater heights. He wanted to take her pain onto himself, but he knew that he couldn't do that. He wanted more than anything to do ANYTHING at all to help her. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do only made it worse. He watched as she died inside, and felt like a part of him was dying too. He stopped going to lessons, and he wouldn't allow any joy to enter his life as long as there was none in his.  
  
And one of the worst parts of it, and no one else knew what was going on. While she needed someone's shoulder to cry on, all she received was the same old banter and teasing that she had always received. She went about her daily life, trying to hide the pain inside. He knew how she felt, because he had felt it before as well. She felt like a trapped animal, who know that there was no way she could escape. She was trying to remain herself, even while that person was slowly diminishing. Just like when Heero was with Dr. J.  
  
If Kaninisha was worried about him, he never showed it. He never even came to check up on him. Heero's very ideals in life that he had developed were soon gone.  
  
All of his life he had believed that those who were bad would be punished, while those who were good would be rewarded. Now, in front of his eyes, he saw this happening that other way around. Someone who was so pure, so perfect, was experiencing more pain than anyone should. And the man, someone of pure evil was living the good life. He wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, but he knew if he did, he would lose it for good, and then what good would he ever do for his angel?  
  
He found himself hoping more than ever before that there was some way that he could just meet her, but he knew what he had always known, that it was impossible. All he could do was watch, while his heart was torn from his chest, and stomped on by the man with black hair.  
  
**  
  
It was hard to watch someone so beloved to him go though all she was. Kaninisha knew that everything that happened in her life, all of the hardships, and all of the pain happened for a reason. That didn't make allowing destiny to be fulfilled any easier. He wanted to wrench her from her life, and just tell her that it would all be ok. The fact that she was only fulfilling her destiny didn't make it any easier to know that all he could do was watch. He had always wanted to protect his daughter, even while she was a small child. Now the urge to keep the nightmares away didn't diminish. He couldn't even bring her to his world; even though he knew she was one of the few people who could come...it was in her blood. If she was going to come to him, she needed to of her own free will, without him trying to bring her. He wanted to do the same thing for her he had done for Heero, but he knew that wouldn't be possible. All he could do was hope that she would find her way here soon, to her home.  
  
He gently held his wife close to him. It wasn't any easier for Serenity to watch her daughter go through all of the pain. Her tears hadn't stopped for a long time, and he found that he couldn't bring her the comfort she needed, for he was just as saddened as she was. They were both bound to allow their daughter to walk the path made for her, and there was nothing they could do.  
  
**  
  
Heero's arms were curled up around his legs, his head resting in his knees as he continued to watch the woman he loved. She sitting in her chair, thinking of what horrors he couldn't even imagine. Her eyes had a glazed look about them as she sat there and thought. He wanted to know what she was thinking about, but that was impossible. He was concentrating so much on the scene he had created before him; at first he didn't hear the faint voice calling out. Thinking at first it was a lost dreamer, he left it to itself. Finally he couldn't stand the voice disturbing his peace, so he decided to find this dreamer to try to get rid of it.  
  
Using a technique he had learned a long time ago, he willed himself to appear just in front of the dreamer, parting the mist just enough for him to look at it, and not enough for the dreamer to look at him. It was forbidden for anyone who came here to see anything but the gray mists, so he wrapped himself in shadows. He shouldn't have even been noticed, but he heard a voice suddenly call out to him, not by name, but how could this person know he was even there?  
  
"Hello! I know someone's out there. Don't think I don't! Why don't you just tell me where I am!" a female voice called.  
  
Just as he recognized the voice that was shouting, he saw the angel in front of him. She had her hands on her hips, and a very frustrated look on her face. He could barely restrain himself from rushing up and hugging the small girl, refusing to let go. 'Usagi…'  
  
**  
  
I know I really shouldn't end there, but once again I came across too good a spot to pass up. I hope you enjoyed it, and that some of your questions were answered.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you want to say anything! I love any email I could get, and it totally makes my day to see I have a message.  
  
I also want to tell you, that I'm not a cold writer that it too busy to respond, or even care what you have to say. I've met some of them, and I'm NOTHING like that! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think, because I really do care about what you have to say. If I didn't why would I pester you so often?  
  
Ja ne  
  
siren 


	19. Meeting

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! THE BIT 2 0 I DECIDED TO MAKE IT ESPECIALLY SPECIAL FOR YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Authors Notes- You know…as I was reflecting on my story, I realized one important thing. In the first chapter, I said the Usagi fell in love with Heero, after meeting him in the Shadow world. What I never said was how this happened. All I said was that She loved him, but I not only never said any details on their romance, but I never even said how they met! This chapter is just pure mush to fill in those empty spaces. I hope you enjoy it!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to the reviewers who told me to get off my ass, and that I needed to get the chapter out NOW. I love it when people like something I did enough to be so forceful! Most especially to those who wrote the long ones that I look so forward to reading. I would say their names, but it seems that whenever I do that, I never hear from them again so I'll just avoid doing that…  
  
ENJOY!  
  
**  
  
Kaninisha felt his daughter enter his world for the first time, and could barely contain his joy. Now that she was here, there was a chance that she could be saved. There were simply a few rules that he had to follow…  
  
Appearing behind the now excited Heero, he firmly gripped his shoulder. Whispering in his ear so the girl so close couldn't hear, he told Heero some rules he had to follow, for the sake of them all.  
  
"Under no circumstances are you to let her see you, tell her your name, or explain where we are. You can't tell her about your life, but be aware of one thing."  
  
He saw Heero listening to him with a mixture of joy, anger, and wonder. "In her body, in case you haven't noticed, she is incomplete. That means there are parts of her personality that are blocked. Those blocks are only evident in her physical body though, so she no longer has those limitations when she's here. You can teach her things she never would understand, and most importantly, you can be here for her." He gave Heero a light shove in the direction of his daughter, and watched with a slight smile on his face as he saw the only hope for his daughter sanity slowly approaching her.  
  
**  
  
Usagi sat in her wheel chair, pausing from her tinkering on the remote. Suddenly one of the happiest moments in her life came back to her, the memory so strong, all she could do was revel in it.  
  
**  
  
She had been trapped in her depression for so long, her bruised and battered body a cage she couldn't hope to escape, and her life something she had no choice but to continue.  
  
She had been seeking an escape from her body for some time now, and because of that she daydreamed often. She dreamed of what she would do if she could live her own life, and what it would be like. She explored her every imagination, like someone else would pour over the books in a library. She crept deeper and deeper inside of herself, until she was further in her mind than ever before.  
  
(AN: OK OK! So her mind is different than others. She has a maze of a mind, like I said before. There are tunnels, and walls. WORK WITH ME HERE!)  
  
She had no idea how it happened, but suddenly she was no longer sitting in her chair. The awareness of reality vanished like it had never been there, and like never before she was actually INSIDE her mind, and not just thinking. It was an invigorating and scary experience at the same time. At first she was frightened that she had gone insane, but then she decided that it didn't matter anymore…all that mattered was escape.  
  
While before her mind had been full of color, and she pictured scenes in her head, it was now a misty gray. It wasn't depressing, like some might have thought it to be. No, instead the shadows seemed comforting, like a blanket wrapping around her, keeping her safe and warm.  
  
In this new place, that wasn't really anywhere but her mind, she decided she might as well call out. See if she had imagined anyone in this place of hers.  
  
She started faintly at first, not really expecting an answer. As she expected, there was no one, this place must just be the empty part of her mind, where nothing could exist. Just waste place, where nothing could exist. So deep in the recesses of her mind, that none of her dreams could exist in its peaceful shadows.  
  
Just when she was about to wake up from her daydreaming, and go to a scout meeting, she felt more than saw or heard something, or someone else there.  
  
"Hello! I know someone's out there. Don't think I don't! Why don't you just tell me where I am!" she called half-heartily called, not really expecting an answer, and wondering immediately why she had even bothered to ask such a silly question. She already knew where she was, so why bother asking?  
  
She waited there, hands on her hips, and tapping her foot until she could get an answer. Once again she was quickly getting impatient, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave this place. It was just so peaceful, and she felt that if she were here, she could forget all of her worries.  
  
Finally! Out of the darkness stepped what looked like a man. She wasn't really sure, because like the world around her, he was wrapped in shadows as well. Sometimes, she could almost swear she caught a glimpse of him, but it was gone as soon as she recognized it what she almost saw. He was slowly walking towards her, his every step seemed hesitant, like he was forcing himself to walk to her.  
  
When he was only feet away, she the stupor that had come over her finally went away. Stepping a little closer, and holding out her hand, she said.  
  
"Hello." And that was it. She didn't ask for his, or anything else.  
  
"Hello…Usagi" She heard as an answer. She shouldn't have been surprised that he knew her name; after all, he DID live in her head. For some reason she found that she was. After all, she didn't know his, and he didn't seem to want to give it either.  
  
**  
  
Heero couldn't stop staring at that hand. Usagi could have no idea how hard it was not for him to grab it, and enfold her in a tight embrace that he would never release her from. His entire body shook, as he realized that YES she was here, and after all of the years of only being able to watch her, he could finally meet the angel that had stolen his heart.  
  
Carefully, so as not to lose control, he shook her hand. Her skin was so soft…even if it was only an image of her soul, meeting up with an image of his. It didn't matter. All that did was that she was here.  
  
**  
  
End Flashback  
  
**  
  
He never told her his name, but he was able to get to know another side of her. She side that could talk to him, and tell him of her hopes and dreams. They quickly formed a bond, faster than he could have imagined, she came to know him, even without REALLY knowing about his life. He could share his hobbies, and his loves (he didn't share his biggest one yet) and he found himself falling even more in love with her than he could have though possible. He thought he couldn't fall any farther for the girl, but she proved him wrong. What was the most important to him though, was that when she was here, he was finally able to comfort her. She finally knew she wasn't alone, and he was able to give her that.  
  
**  
  
Flashback  
  
**  
  
She was late. It didn't matter that it wasn't her fault, and she had passed out on her 'date' with her 'boyfriend'. Her parents would be angry with her that she was getting home over an hour late from her curfew, and she would have to listen to them.  
  
Just like she had though, she received quite the 'lecture'. She just couldn't bring herself to care. All she could think about was going up to her room, so she could once again spend time with Heero. He didn't need to know about her life to be her friend, and she loved him for it.  
  
WAIT A MINUTE!! Did she just THINK that she LOVED him!? No way! She can't possibly love someone who only existed in her imagination, even if he is kind, and sweet, and smart, and NO STOP IT! I can't think like this!  
  
But, as much as she tried to deny it, she knew that it was true. She had somehow fallen in love with the man who's face she had never seen, and who had no name either. She had fallen so completely, so TOTALLY that she knew there was no way she could deny it. Her every minute, of ever hour, was endurable because she knew that at the end of the day, she could always go to her one source of comfort.  
  
She rushed up to her room, and sat on her bed. As she stared off into space, she couldn't get to her gray world fast enough. She had so many emotions welling up inside her. Love, anger, hurt, pain, and hope. She needed to share these emotions with someone soon, or she would explode.  
  
**  
  
Heero was once again waiting for Usagi. He just couldn't wait to see her again. Her very presence was joy in itself.  
  
When she finally arrived, he noticed she had the strangest expression on her face. He couldn't quite place it, and he had never seen it on her before.  
  
"Usa…are you ok? He asked. He knew that she had just gone once more through torture, because when she was, he was with her. Only her body was experiencing the pain, no longer her soul.  
  
Totally and completely unexpectedly, he saw her burst into tears. It was shocking in and of itself, because he had never seen her cry here, and when she was in her body she was never able to cry either. He had been hoping she would let out the soothing tears soon, or else she would have no release for the pain she was in. Bottling pain in oneself never worked, but she had been stubborn, and hadn't allowed anyone to ever see her cry.  
  
But he wasn't thinking about those things then. He was just shocked, that as soon as she burst into tears. She threw her arms around his neck, and buried her face in his shoulder.  
  
They hadn't touched since they had first met, and the contact was like lightning on his senses. Slowly he did what had wanted to for so long, and wrapped his arms around. Heero started to make soothing sounds, and telling her that it would all be all right, and he would protect her. Nothing would be able to hurt her when he was around. He wasn't even aware of what he was saying, but just of the feelings the made the words come out of his mouth, trying to make her feel better.  
  
He felt her slowly relax in his arms, as she shuddering sobs stopped. He was reluctant to let go, but when he started to move away, Usagi just clutched on tighter.  
  
"Don't move…for now…just hold me." She quietly whispered in his ear, sending shivers up his spine.  
  
And he was more than happy to oblige. They sat like that for what seemed like minutes, but was most likely hours. Heero knew that Usagi would have to leave soon, because the day was about to begin. He couldn't believe they had been there that long, but it was about to come to an end.  
  
As Usagi got up to leave, he gently grabbed her wrist, so she couldn't walk away. She looked at him, curious as to what he would want to say. Finally knowing that it was time to tell her the words that had been in his heart for so long, he quietly said them. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you Usa. I could never cause you pain…I love you." He had avoided saying those words for much to long now, because he wasn't sure how she would react.  
  
The look on her face made her nervous. He couldn't really read the expression. Needing something to acknowledge his words, until he finally got his answer.  
  
Usagi knelt down on her knees, and took his face in his hands.  
  
**  
  
Usagi couldn't believe what she had just heard. It was just so impossible to her ears, that someone, even in her imagination could ever love her. She didn't know what to say.  
  
Kneeling down in front of the man she loved, she took his face in her hands. She tried to stare into his eyes, but like he had always been, all she saw was shadows. She tried to peer through them at the person underneath, but couldn't see anything. For a moment she thought she saw a flash of blue beneath the shadows, but she quickly put it out of her mind.  
  
Here in front of her, was a man who was not real. She had no idea what he looked like, or even what his name was. Yet despite all of that, she felt like she knew him better than she had ever known anyone.  
  
"You know, before I came here, I was about to give up on my life." She quietly whispered, pain echoing in her words. "I had no idea what to live for, so I tried to escape my life by coming here. I though I wouldn't find anything, but against all odds I found you. I feel I know you…even if I have never seen you, and I don't even know your name. You're the knight in shining armor from the old stories that saved me from my life. You're my hero…and that's all that matters. I tried not to, but I found that I couldn't help but fall in love with you. I love you my hero." She said, and then putting those words together to come up with something to call him she said. "I love you…Heero."  
  
**  
  
Heero felt shivers run down his spine, as he heard not only the words he had dreamed of hearing, but never thought he would. It was also the way she said his name, even without knowing that it wasn't just something to call him. He had wanted to hear that word come off her lips for so long, and it finally, in the most miraculous way had. And she had said she loved him.  
  
As Heero watched Usagi walk away, and vanish into the mist, he only had one thought on his mind.  
  
SHE LOVED HIM!!!!!!  
  
**  
  
I know, it's kinda corny, but I felt I had to put it in there SOMEWHERE.  
  
REVIEW FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have ANYTHIGN TO SAY! I want to hear from you! Here you have a perfect opportunity to criticize a writer, and actually have her listen to you! DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS! 


	20. poem

I know you're used to me updating so often by now, but I haven't written for a while. I wrote this poem as a makeup for that. It's about Usagi's perception on what is happening to her. I hope you enjoy, and tell me what you think about it…ok? I'd really appreciate it.  
  
I stand on the brink between reality and dreams.  
  
I'm trapped by my past, yet I try to move forward.  
  
My world is filled with shadows, but now my perception is most clear.  
  
Only in the darkness can I truly see the light.  
  
Only in the light, can I find the shadows of my reality.  
  
As I try to move on, I find myself falling backwards.  
  
Traps are set in my mind, and chains are bound on my ankles, pulling me towards my destiny.  
  
Yet my destiny is what I must escape.  
  
My life is riddled with secrets,  
  
And most of the questions I don't even know to ask.  
  
Even my mind is now a mystery, a puzzle that must be solved.  
  
I am a stranger to myself.  
  
I am a stranger to everyone.  
  
I'm trying to find my way.  
  
I need to find the answers to my life…  
  
If I am to survive what I have ahead of me. 


	21. Why would Heero leave?

Authors Notes- Enjoy the chapter. It's not very long, or very good either, but at least it's something. It also answers a question you might have had for a long time. If Heero loves Usagi so much, why would he ever leave? Remember to review when your done!  
  
**  
  
Heero smiled softly to himself. It was so good to relive those memories, and the times when he was truly happier than he had ever been. After the brief happiness that came after reminiscing always came the immense guilt, and the heart-wrenching pain. He didn't want to leave his Usa, but what else could he have done. He would never have been able to live with himself if he had done nothing…  
  
**  
  
Flashback  
  
**  
  
Heero once again stared at Usagi's retreating back as another day for them ended, and she had to go back to the real world. It was always painful to watch her go, but it was livable because he knew that no matter what, he would see her again soon, if not in the shadow world, than at least he could watch her…  
  
But she would only be going to school, and as much as he would love to just look at her, there was something he felt he needed to do. Something he hadn't done in a long time.  
  
Preparing himself to once again part the mist, he went to check on what his body was doing. It wasn't really anything but a vague sense of curiosity that drove his to do this now and then, but he hadn't for almost 2 years now, and decided he might as well.  
  
With an ease that came from long practice, he put waved his right hand at the emptiness, and used his mind to will himself to see what he wanted to see.  
  
Expecting it to be another easy exercise, he wasn't prepared for what happened next. Yes, the mist did part, but not like it ever had before…something was wrong. His mind felt like there was a cold iron clamp on his consciousness, forcing him to watch as the events happened before him.  
  
He saw his body standing there, with no expression on his face. His eyes were dull and lifeless as Heero watched him pull a small control out of his pocket, and hold it in front of him. The wind whipped his dark brown hair as he stood on the top of a hill, overlooking a small peaceful city. The pale moon shone brightly as he took the control once more…and pressed the button.  
  
There was still no expression on the face of his body as Heero watched in horror while the small town, so peaceful just minutes before, exploded in a flash of orange fire. She sounds of screaming filled his ears, men, women, and most horribly of all…children. Heero's spirit fell to his knees, clutching his head and trying to block out the screams, while his body simply said the words "Mission Complete" and walked off into the night.  
  
Back in the shadow world, Heero was still clutching at his head, rocking back and forth, trying to block out the memory of the cries in his head. The guilt nearly drove him mad. Maybe if he hadn't been so selfish, and allowed Dr. J to have his machine, this might have never happened. He could have stopped the deaths of so many people, who he knew were innocents. But it was too late now.  
  
He wanted to go once more to his teacher Razan, but something was preventing him from doing so. He just saw the scene play out again and again in his mind, trapped in his own world. It felt like hours, but he knew that it had really only been minutes since it had happened.  
  
The explosion, lighting up the night sky with its deadly fire…  
  
But something was wrong with that picture. He couldn't quite figure it out, but something was off with what had happened. He was so close to figuring it out…it seemed so important for him to do so…  
  
Then it hit him. He knew from experience, that time ran the same for his world, and for Usagi's world. But in Usagi's world, it was still morning, while then it was night…but the implications of such an event were mind blowing. It was relatively easy to bring pictures from the past, or present, because it had already happened. But the idea that you could look into the future…  
  
There were so many things that could be wrong with his theory, like the small town was on the other side of the world or so many different possibilities, but he clutched to his theory with all of his might. Because if it hadn't happened yet…there might be a way he could prevent all of the senseless death.  
  
He was about to go and find his teacher, but like always, Razan had a way of appearing when you wanted him most. Just when he was about to go searching, he heard the voice of the man he had come to think of as a type of father.  
  
"Heero…are you all right?" Razan had a knowing look in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked worried.  
  
"You saw what happened, didn't you? You always know what happens in your world. Do you think I'm 'all right'?" He answered sarcastically.  
  
"Well…I did feel a strange disturbance in my world, but I want to know what you think of what happened. I know by now your smart enough to realize what you saw are events that are yet to occur, and you are very right in that assumption. I don't know how, but you were able to see the events that are to happen tonight. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"  
  
Heero's face clearly showed the emotions running rampant through his mind. He knew he needed to save those people, but there was only one way to do so. He would need to once more enter into the body he had long ago abandoned, and when he did that he could easily not blow up an entire city, because he could chose not to. A machine couldn't chose to do anything, just follow orders. If he didn't do anything, there was no other way to save those people. But long ago, when he was still a boy he came to accept a certain fact. If he chose to do what he knew he needed to do, he would never be able to come back. He would need to sacrifice his life as he had come to know it, and go back to a childhood nightmare, he thought he would never need to face again. But more than that, and much more important.  
  
If the explosion were going to happen tonight, he would need to leave right now. There was no time to waste…and also no time to bring Usagi here to say goodbye… She comes when she wants to, but there is no bringing her here. He would need to leave the woman he loved, and he wouldn't even be able to say goodbye. For a brief minute he wished there was a way he could simply not do anything, and ignore what he knew would happen, but he knew there was no way he could do that. There was no choice on his part. He would never be able to live with himself if he chose himself over all of those people, and he knew that Usagi would tell him to do the same if he ever told her.  
  
He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, and he could only nod silently to himself. He would need to give up his life, and his reason for living, but there was no other way.  
  
"You know what I must do Razan. I have to go back…"  
  
**  
  
I know it's not very good, but I just wrote it RIGHT NOW, because I knew that I needed to post SOMETHING soon, before raging reviewers tore my throat out, and fed me to the wolves. At least it answers a question you've all had on your mind.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE! I love emails more than anything, and if you want to give me any advice or help on my story, or say any comments you might have!  
  
Please review my story. I'm here, begging you to say something, because it's because of you I'm staying up late tonight, and writing instead of doing my homework. I'm a very dedicated person to those who review. 


	22. just a little fun

Authors Notes- OH MY GOSH! I can't believe I forgot! I was GOING TO answer Mars Fire Goddesses question about the scouts, but I wrote the last chapter in about 15 minutes, and posted it so soon I completely forgot to add that little note she asked for. In answer to that question, I'm really not sure. I wasn't planning on having the Rei chapter, but I decided at last minute I might as well put it in. I might do that again, I'm really not sure. I can promise this though...if I don't have them in this story, if I write a sequel, they will be in THAT one. Thanks for the reviews, and for baring with my crappy recent chapters, and my little poem. Sometimes, you get an idea, and you just have to write it. You really should have looked for the foreshadowing in the poem though, you might have found some clues as to what is going to happen later.  
  
PS HELLO! MARS FIRE GODDESS! WHERE ARE YOU! I read what you had to say about my story, and I felt like I wanted to thank you, or read your stories or something. But I can't find you ANYWHERE! If you could give me your email address I would really appreciate it!  
  
**  
  
Flashback  
  
**  
  
If someone didn't know what was happening, they would think that nothing had changed. The short young man, with brown hair and cobalt blue eyes didn't change at all. He was sitting there, in a hard wooden chair one second, and the next he was still there, his appearance hadn't changed, and he hadn't made any sound. But looks could be deceiving, and as Heero once again entered the body he had abandoned long ago, he knew his life would never be the same again.  
  
He didn't feel very different, he looked much the same as he did in the dream world, but for the first in years he felt a real physical sensation. He felt the slight wind on his cheek, blowing his hair, and he smelt the old musty smell of old closets. All in all...he just felt real...  
  
In the shadow world, there was something that resembled true touch and smell, but like the world it was named for, these feelings were only a shadow of what they were in the real world, and weren't really comparable. Then abruptly in this new place all of his senses were suddenly bombarded with so many lights, and colors. Even in the drab apartment he found himself sitting in, there entire world was just so vibrant and full of color...for a moment he found himself wondering why he ever left such a beautiful place, and then he remembered.  
  
He left because there was no choice, and if he had stayed he would have never been able to see the color, or the world like he did now. He left to save himself, and he came back to save all of those others. He left his Usa...Heero mentally slapped himself. He couldn't allow himself to think about the woman he loved. If he did he would break down and start beating himself for what he had done... She would most likely be looking for him right now...  
  
With a strength of will he didn't even know he possessed, he made himself stop thinking about her, and focus on the task at hand. He would need to find the man that filled his childhood's nightmares, and quit. It should be simple, just walk up to the old man, and say `I'm finished' and that would be it...so easy.  
  
Going over to the computer that was sitting in the corner, he put the laptop on (BUM BUM BUM) his lap.  
  
Part of his education was how to deal with computers and other modern devices, so it was no problem to hack into the top-secret files, by finally using the password `bottled eggs'. Mere moments after he entered the file he found his mission. He was supposed to destroy a place called Vergennes. A small city in the middle of no where. The only significance of this place was that here was where the Oz general Treize grew up. That was all the file said, so Heero assumed that they felt no need to bother explaining anything to someone that they had complete and total control of.  
  
Now all he had to do was find out where he was, and where he needed to go. He knew where Dr. J was based 9 years ago, but things change in that much time.  
  
**  
  
Heero had found a motorcycle outside the apartment, and assuming it was his, mainly because he had the key, he got on and started riding. At first he had some trouble with the strange machine, but he always had a gift with these sort of things and soon had the machine under control. He knew he should've boarded a plane for the trip, but he felt no need to. Now that there was no way that town could be destroyed, he decided to take the scenic route. He needed time to collect his thoughts, and a nice long drive would be just the thing. Besides which, he wanted so much to see some more of the world, the green grass, and blue sky. He needed something to get him mind off of what he had just done.  
  
It took his about 5 days to reach the underground base that Heero knew would be the only place to face an old fear, and confront a man that so ruthlessly killed, and so easily destroyed.  
  
It looked like a simple old house in the middle of a prairie. Not a livable place for more than mice, and unnoticed by all unless they knew to look for it. He went over to the front door, and without bothering to knock, walked inside.  
  
The inside looked as ratty as the outside did, but Heero didn't let that stop him. He went straight to the far-left corner, and inspected it. He looked at the ratty walls, and shabby rug. After only a few minutes he noticed that there was an imperfection that was different than all of the others he saw. He didn't know why, but it just stuck out at him. A slight discoloration in the dark wood. Lifting his hand to the wood, he gently pushed it in.  
  
Before he had time to collect his barings, Heero felt the floor drop out from under him, and he started moving downward. There was a slightly queasy feeling in his stomach from the abrupt motion, but he didn't let that show on his face. It was a whole new feeling, but he had come accustomed to them, and had become almost used to new things.  
  
When he finally stopped his downward decent, he realized that he was in a white room. Everywhere he looked he saw a bright white color, blinding in its intensity. He shaded his eyes for a minute to mute the glare, and give him time to get used to the light...but he never had time to do so, because with a sharp stab of pain in the back of his skull, all he knew was darkness.  
  
**  
  
End Flashback  
  
**  
  
And that was when they threw him in the cell he had been in for days now. He was surrounded by absolute darkness, which he hadn't had for 9 years. His eyes and his soul were used to the muted gray world. There was no absolute light, and no absolute darkness. Just the comftorable shadows. When he was in the darkness, he felt like he was suffocating. It seemed to press at him, pulling him down.  
  
At least that was like it was for the first day he was there. The day the questions had started. "Why didn't you complete your mission?" "Why have you changed?" "What happened to you?" so many questions, and no answers that they would ever accept. He tried at first to say that he quit, but the voices just said that he couldn't quit. This was his life and there was no way he could leave. When he was a child these voices seemed so forceful, so commanding. Now he knew different, he knew this wasn't his life, and that there was something else out there. They were just an annoyance.  
  
Over time he stopped seeing the darkness in the cell as oppressing. In fact, soon it began to be like a warm comforter, taking away some of the stress of his life, and making it easier to think. He knew that he couldn't stay there forever, yet he wasn't in a particular hurry to leave. He didn't have anything waiting for him, and here was as good as any other place. With Usagi out of his life forever, he had nothing pressing to do. He would live, and go on breathing, but there was nothing he needed to do. He could explore this new place, the world, and dimension he had never really been able to know, even is it was here that he was born. He could of, but he had the strangest feeling of slump. Like he didn't want to do anything, and would just as well lay there and die. A depressing empty feeling, a feeling of nothingness, as once again he felt like a small speck in the world. A feeling of mortality, that he hadn't felt since he was only 7 years old.  
  
Whatever he did though, he would need to do something...just not right now. Later. And with that he slept, and in his dreams he was once again with his precious Usagi...but that was only a dream.  
  
**  
  
(AN: this is for you firefly-chan, and all of the others who have asked for it.)  
  
Quatre was just walking through the hallway, minding his own business, REALLY. He had absolutely NO INTENTIONS of going and spying on Amei to see what she was up to. It was none of HIS business that she had been so silent lately (not that she ever wasn't) or that he still had so many questions about her. She had only said a few words for the past couple of days since he had shown her the room, and he was really getting inpatient. But he really wasn't going to go spy on her...  
  
Quatre crept down the hallway. He was almost there, and if no one heard him he might be able to open the door without anyone being the wiser. 10 feet, 9 feet, only five feet to go.  
  
As he stepped on a loose board, Quatre cringed at the sound it made as it creaked. It sounded like thunder to his oversensitive ears in this time of strategy. Finally...he was there. He stood about 2 feet from the door of Amei's room. He was about to take that last step when...  
  
*CRASH*   
  
Quatre jumped back as fast as he could on reflex, but he still almost didn't miss getting hit by the blur that that sped past him faster than a car! He stood there; shaking his head in shock as his mind became accustomed to the new atmosphere. At first he didn't realize what it was that sped by him, but then it hit him, Amei...but how could she? He made sure to get her one of the slower wheelchairs so her recovery would have fewer chances of accidents. How could it go so fast? And the crazed look on her face as she sped by him made him tremble in fear.  
  
MY HOUSE!  
  
Running as fast as he could to try to catch up with the runaway chair (which wasn't nearly fast enough) he followed the trail of destruction that that GIRL had left for him. She seemed to have difficulty controlling her chair; either that or she was set on destroying his house on purpose! He passed broken vases, and ripped paintings. It looked like a tornado had come through here, but he knew it was something much worse. Apparently the quiet girl that seemed so sweet had another side that he had never considered...an evil side...  
  
**  
  
"I'LL KILL YOU MAXWELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" An angry voice echoed through the halls, echoing off the echoes, filling the entire room, and the hallways with an echoing echo sound, the echos were so loud, the echoes filled the echoing hallway, filling everyone's ears with the echoes of the voice of the angry Chinese boy. (AN: if this doesn't make any sense to you, then ignore it. It's a private joke I promised to put in somewhere for my sister, and since I'm just in a crazy mood, I decided why not?)  
  
Duo was running frantically through the hall (do you get that they're in a hallway?) trying to escape the crazed psycho from either killing him, or worse cutting off his braid! He was clutching his precious hair as he ran as fast as he could. How was he supposed to know that Wufei didn't like the smell of `Mermaids Flowers' in his cologne? It was just that his old `rampaging stallion' was really beginning to give him a headache! How was he ever supposed to know that Wufei would react so violently (not that this is a new thing.).  
  
He could feel Wufei beginning to gain on him, his sword inching slower and slower to his braid. Duo was afraid. No one else was here to stop Wufei, and the crazed Chinese boy wouldn't hesitate given the chance. Sweat was running down his face as he continued to run. He was so caught up in his getaway that there was no way he could have seen Amei coming.  
  
One minute he was running as fast as he could, and the next he heard screaming for him to GET OUT OF THE WAY. He tried to jump out of the way, but he was too late. The next thing he knew he was lying on the ground in a world of pain (the wheel chair ran over his big toe.) staring at the retreating back of the mystery girl. `Man was she going fast!' He thought to himself `But I thought that thing could only go about 5mph...'  
  
Wufei closed in for the kill. He could feel his prey weakening, and it would all be over soon. He had just seen Maxwell turn around the corner, and knew that it wouldn't be long now until he could extract his vengeance for messing with his cologne. Giving him GIRLS PERFUME that made his smell like some WEAK ONNA! It wouldn't be long now...  
  
His eyes were riveted on the bend, hoping to see if there would be any sight of a brown braid on the other side. What he saw wasn't what he expected though. Instead of seeing the stupid baka running AWAY from him, he instead saw a crazed onna coming TOWARDS him as fast as a car! He only got a brief look at her face, but the insane onna was smiling gleefully as she rode along, remote control in hand. Her expression changed as she saw him in front of her, and he knew instinctively that there was no way she could stop in time. Oh well...he though to himself, and proceeded to jump into the air as she approached, his feet almost grazing her head as she sped under him. Amei didn't stop when she went past him, but he did see her giving him a thumbs up sign over she shoulder as she sped away.  
  
Oh no...Wufei though to himself. It's another Maxwell. How am I going to survive here?  
  
**  
  
This last part doesn't have much to do with the story really. I just wanted to give a little fun for everyone, and lessen all of the tension! I'm also in a crazy mood right now, so don't mind me...la la la la la. I'm so tired. I should really go to sleep right now before I make you worried about the state of my sanity...  
  
Review if you want the next chapter. Can't wait to hear what you have to say!  
  
Email me at [1]sirencalling@yahoo.com for ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE IF ALL YOU SAY IS HI! EMAIL ME!!!!! (I'm an email freak...)  
  
Ja ne!  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:sirencalling@yahoo.com 


	23. Ami's tears

Authors Notes- I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've had a writer's block, and had no idea what to do. So, like the chapter with Rei, I decided to once again take a look at the life of the scouts after Usagi's disappearance. I hope you enjoy the chapter! And be sure to review and give me any ideas of what I should do next. I'd love to hear what you have to say!  
  
And feel free to email me at [1]sirencalling@yahoo.com I love email more than anything, and I'll be sure to answer you!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
**  
  
Ami threw her head in her hands in frustration. She had been trying to study this stupid history book for hours, but she just couldn't seem to take anything she read in. Her mind would keep on wandering away from the topic of the history of the 5^th dynasty, on to something she wished she would never have to think about again.  
  
It was only a week since the funeral of the girl that was not only her leader, but also her best friend. She just couldn't see why Usagi would ever do anything like that. What she had done was so out of character, and shocked everyone who knew her when they found out what had happened.  
  
Ever since she had found out that her friend had decided to end her own life, she couldn't concentrate on anything else. Studying suddenly just didn't see so importance compared to the sacrifice that someone so happy had made. Ami didn't know what had forced Usagi to take such desperate measures, and couldn't stop herself from thinking back to the past couple of months to try to analyze what had gone wrong.  
  
She had known for a long time that Usagi hated being Sailor Moon, and following her destiny, but Ami had long ago come to the conclusion that Usagi had come to terms with her destiny. She might have complained a few times, but she had never been openly depressed. Usagi was just too carefree to be angry with anyone, let alone life.  
  
Not only was she so happy, but she tried so hard to make others around her as happy as she was. It didn't matter if the other person was in a horrible mood, or having the worst day of their life and would do anything to make her go away. She would keep at the person and do anything she could just to turn the person's day around, her included.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Ami was frantic. Somehow she had fallen behind on her studying, and was now only 5 chapters ahead. She had immediately locked herself in her bedroom, and wouldn't talk to anyone. Then she put the `Do not disturb' sign on her door, and had informed her mother not to let anyone disturb her studying. As she read her science book, she kept on beating herself up over an over again. She had no idea how she could have done anything so irresponsible, and just couldn't get over it. She was beginning to be like Usagi! Next she could be 4 chapters ahead, then 3, and before she could stop herself, she would be behind!  
  
She walls seemed to close in on her as she read as fast as she could, just to catch up. She sun beat on her face from the open window, and the gentle breeze blew her hair into her eyes, obstructing her vision of the words on the paper.  
  
The window seemed to beacon her to the world outside. It would be so easy to just go out on this late summer day, and just have fun. But she had too much control over herself to ever let that happen. Her mind was far to organized to do something as spontaneous as running out that door and just play around all day, doing nothing to enhance her education.  
  
But lucky for her, not everyone was like she was. When she was in the middle of reading about Photosynthesis, she heard a knock on the front door.  
  
Originally she never would have heard someone knocking on the door, since it was so far away. But this person, whoever it was, was very insistent. Ami wouldn't be surprised if this person had broken their hand in the process of the frantic knocking.  
  
Next she heard her mother opening the door, and her silent voice talking to someone outside the door. Ami couldn't hear what they were saying, so she went back to her book and completely forgot the incident for the few seconds before her door was thrown open.  
  
"Ami! What are you doing inside today! It's beautiful outside! I'm sorry, but as your friend, I can't let you waste your life like this!" Usagi practically shouted at her.  
  
Ami quickly put on her angry face, even if she wasn't really. "I'm sorry Usagi, but I can't go outside today. I need to study, so if you could go away, I would really appreciate it." She practically growled, trying to scare her friend away with the fake attitude.  
  
Usagi saw right through that of course; Ami never could hide her true feeling from her best friend. "Listen Ami, I can't take no for an answer. I'm afraid that I can't leave this room, unless I have you with me. And don't try to say anything to the contrary." She then folded her arms, and stood like an unmoving statue.  
  
Ami decided the best thing would be to try to ignore her, and go back to her studying. She tried to read her book, but her eyes just kept on straying back to Usagi, waiting for her to give up and leave her alone.  
  
After about 10 minutes, when Usagi still hadn't done anything but stare in the back of her skull, Ami threw up her hands in frustration and gave up.  
  
"FINE, I'll go with you for today, but you have to promise me that next time I'm studying, you LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
Usagi smiled hugely, and said, "I was hoping you would say that! Now, how about we go window shopping at the mall. We'll have so much fun!"  
  
Ami shook her head, smiling slightly and trying to hide it from Usagi. As much as she tried to hide it, she was grateful for Usagi. She was always there when she needed her, and if she couldn't force herself to go outside instead of studying, Usagi would be there to bring her to her senses and force her to live her life like a teenager, and not an obsessing study freak. Sometimes, she could force herself to study for hours, and loose herself in her books, forgetting that being a teenager is more than just school. And here Usagi was, trying to make her live her life, and who knows, it could be fun!  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
And that was the way Usagi always was, trying to take her carefree love of life, and spread it to others around her. That was what made her such a great person, and why everyone loved her so much.  
  
Now, Ami wasn't blind, and she noticed that sometime after they went to the mall, and had a fabulous time, Usagi's mood changed. She became a shadow of her former self, and stopped trying to cheer others up, and when she DID try, it was almost like she didn't care. But Ami just couldn't get the picture of the happy smiling Usagi out of her mind, not until it was too late to help her friend.  
  
And so she went back to studying, like before in the fall, not able to bring herself to leave and go outside, but at the same time knowing that no one would be there to force her to do what she wanted to...live...  
  
Trying to shake away the tears that were beginning to swell in her eyes, Ami went back to her reading.  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:sirencalling@yahoo.com 


	24. music

Authors Notes- OK, I can't keep it to myself any longer. There was a reason that I had Usagi and Heero meet in the shadow world, and that's because you wanted for them to get together so badly, and I couldn't give it to you. It isn't that I don't WANT for them to meet, but I'm really not very good at mushy scenes like that, and I also run on a strict schedule. I have everything planned out, and I have certain things that must happen before I allow them to meet. I wish that I could just have them get together and everything, but I just can't do that. I'm sorry to all of you, but I WILL have them meet sometime really soon. I just couldn't NOT tell you any longer.  
  
Remember to enjoy as you read!   
  
**  
  
Usagi sat glumly in her wheel chair, taking a break from exploring the house. The place was HUGE far larger than anything she had ever seen before.   
  
It had taken a little while to get used to her new, high-speed wheels, but she had after that one incident. It wasn't her fault that it had gone out of control, and she had been unable to stop it, and she didn't MEAN to nearly kill her rescuers.   
  
Even now Usagi blushed slightly as she remembered the faces of the boys that she was staying with. Quatre was the worst of all, his face white as he looked at the destruction she left in her wake. Duo and Wufei were both still kinda upset over the fact that she had nearly killed them, but had gotten over it.   
  
She slumped slightly in her chair, angry at the fact that she had done so little, and she was till bone-tired. Nearly her entire body ached in different places, and the wound that was beginning to scar on her stomach continued to cause a sharp pang of agony whenever she moved even slightly.  
  
She was just so angry with herself! She felt so useless, and like a broken doll. She couldn't do anything for herself, not walk, and not even EAT! Things that had come second nature to her for so long were now out of her reach, and that fact tortured her mind more than it ever could her body.   
  
Her panting echoed in her own ears, drowning out almost all thought. For a few moments it was the only sound she heard...until she heard the music.   
  
The soft sound of a violin drifted through the hallway, and gradually into her ears. It was a heart-aching melody that brought tears to her eyes as Usagi listened to it. For a few seconds she just sat there, letting her soul absorb the sweet tones, when she felt a sudden urge come over her with the force of lightning.   
  
Opening her eyes in determination, Usagi got ready to find the source of the music...no matter how hard it might be. She had no idea why the desire came to her so strong, but she merely followed her blind instinct, as she would soon do as a second nature.  
  
It was harder than Usagi thought it would be to travel through the mansion, and try to find the source of the violin. Many times she would take a wrong turn, and not realize that she wasn't supposed to go that way until she had gone for many minutes. Then she would need to retrace her path, and go in another direction. Sometimes the music would get louder, and other times it would get so soft she would have to strain her ears just to catch a faint echo.   
  
After passing more doors than Usagi could count, Usagi came to one that was open slightly, and knew that she had finally made it.   
  
Not wanting to intrude on whomever it was that was playing, Usagi sat just outside the door and listened for the end of the song.   
  
When the music finally stopped, Usagi felt her heart wrench in almost physical agony. Somehow, she knew that in a time long past music had been a major part of her life, and that was why she always loved it so much. For a few minutes she had that music back again, and with it gone once more, she felt like a piece of her soul, that had been there for a few moments after a long absence, was now missing again.   
  
Not able to sit there any longer and wait, Usagi pushed the door open.   
  
Inside the room, it was full of sunlight. Usagi once more stopped, and sat in wonder. There were windows everywhere, giving the illusion of being outside. The light bounced off the collection in instruments that were carefully placed about the room, and blazed off the platinum blonde hair of the owner of the room, Quatre.  
  
He hadn't noticed her presence yet, and stood still as a statue, his eyes closed in the rapture of the music he had just played, and his violin positioned under his chin. Usagi couldn't help but feel she was imposing on something very private, so in order to give away the fact that she was there, she loudly cleared her throat.  
  
Quatre whirled around at the noise that interrupted the silence pervading in the room, and blushed deep red when he saw the beautiful angel that was so secretive, sitting on the other side of the room, with the strangest look on her face. "Excuse me, Miss, is there something you wanted?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry if I interrupted you. I just wanted to find where that beautiful music was coming from." She answered in all seriousness.  
  
Quatre blushed a deep red and started to stammer "I..it..well..I'm not THAT good!"  
  
Usagi tried to hide the smile that was forming on her face because of his extreme modesty. He was excellent, and she wished that she could express herself the way that he was able to more than anything. That was what really drew her here, that need...  
  
And once more her eyes glazed over, and she was again in the depths of her mind. It had happened a few times before, but Usagi sill felt the sense of wonder as the came right in front of one of the doors in her mind, and prepared to open it.  
  
Unlike the others that she had come in contact with, this one showed almost actual wear and tear. Almost as if without the key, she couldn't get inside, but all of her life she had been banging at it, tearing at the wooden exterior, doing anything possible to break it down.   
  
Her hand shook as she took the key out of nowhere, and lifted it up to the lock that suddenly appeared. She didn't bother to wonder why she was so real in her mind, and why the hallways felt as real as the ones that she had been exploring the past couple of days, she just opened the door.   
  
There were no memories that came rushing out to greet her, she knew those would be behind a different door entirely. It was just a feeling that made her nearly burst with joy. It was the music that had been missing her entire life. It exploded her senses with just the feeling of completeness, and made her want to do something to take the music that was inside her, and share it with everyone around her. That was what made true great musicians she knew with an outpouring of clarity. They didn't sing any songs, or hum any lyrics. They just took feelings of love, compassion, and sadness, and sang it to the world. They didn't sing on rhythm, they sang on emotion. They were not restricted by the language they used, or any words that they might think convey their meaning. They just sang what was in their heart...not to impress anyone else, but purely for themselves. It was an honor for someone to hear the singing of one of such great talent, but that was it. They were just spectators of something that they would never have. That was the way it was done in the Silver Millennium, and the art had been lost ever since.   
  
Usagi's eyes snapped open, and she looked right past the worried face of Quatre, to all of the instruments in the room. In the corner there was a piano, but she immediately looked past it. She needed to find something to play, and she was looking for something in particular.   
  
So she didn't stop her search to admire the clarinet, or the trumpet. She didn't pause when her gaze rested on the flute, although a version of that she did enjoy playing. Her eyes didn't rest on anything until they came to an instrument that stood out from all of the others.  
  
While every other instrument in the room was the finest of quality, and were crafted out of either silver or gold, this one was an aged wood. It was like a small harp, or lute, but not quite either. It looked like it was to be held in the arms of the player, and shone with a aura of its own. This instrument didn't need a name, and it didn't need any decoration. It shone with a luster of its own that came from the inside. Usagi didn't bother to wonder how it came to be there, it would only devalue the miracle of its presence. It was her instrument in the Silver Millennium, and like an extension of herself. With reverent hands she lifted the lightweight device into her arms, and not able to keep her fingers still, just started to gently strum the strings, tears coming to her eyes.  
  
'Where did that come from!' Quatre thought. He knew everything in this room that he had made his haven, and he was positive that that thing hadn't been there ever before. He would remember seeing something like that before. It was like nothing he had ever seen. It was some kind of a small stringed instrument, but he had studied every known implement of music for years, and he was positive that whatever Amei cradled in her arms, was one of a kind. "What is it?" He whispered aloud, not expecting an answer.  
  
Usagi smiled at Quatre's question, answering at even as the words came to her mind. "It doesn't have any real name. There has never been anything like it before. It was custom-made for me by my mother when I was about 13 years old. Everything was made to suit my voice, and my singing style. I just call it Aria." (AN: Aria means an air or song or melody to be accompanied by a solo voice.)  
  
Over the next few hours, Quatre was able to witness something that no one had heard for thousands of years. In the Silver Millennium, Usagi and Aria together had been known to be the most beautiful thing that anyone could ever hear. Everyone knew that no one would ever be as great as she was, and she hadn't been heard for centuries.   
  
Tears ran down Usagi's face as she sang her soul to the world. Her fingers flew over the strings of her beloved Aria, matching the notes to her voice with expert skill. She sang of sadness, and having everything taken away from her. She sang of the happiness she felt when she was with the man she loved, and she sang of the ultimate destruction of all of her dreams when he was gone. Then she sang of the joy she felt at having music back in her life. She finished with a magnificent ending of a possible future, and how not all hope is gone. She couldn't know if Quatre understood her song, and that didn't matter. Only the feelings were meant to be conveyed in these songs, and that was all that was ever allowed. Otherwise, her soul would be bared to the world.   
  
So choked up she couldn't say anything to Quatre, who was staring at her with wonder. She nodded to him as she passed, and with Aria in her lap, and her remote in her hand, she left to go to her room. To once more revel in having these pieces of her soul once more attached. Her love of machines and engineering, and most of all...her love of the music that filled her soul.   
  
**  
  
Can you tell that I'm a music lover. I kinda took some of the idea of this chapter from Piers Antony's book 'Songmaster' I hope you enjoyed it, and that's just one more obstacle out of the way of Usagi and Heero finally seeing each other face to face. Now all I have to do is this, and this and this and this! Then I can go on to the other part of my story!  
  
PLEASE review and tell me what you think. I love to get reviews more than anything, and they make my day, and make it worth writing even as there are so many other things I can do. Also, the more reviews I receive, the sooner I get the next chapter out, and the more of myself I decide to put in the next chapter.   
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE I LOVE email from anyone, and I can't wait to hear what you might have to say. I want to hear what you liked, what you think I should change, and just anything you might have to say!  
  
One more thing. This might sound like something really strange to say, but it's been bothering me quite a bit lately. You see, before I started writing, I heard SO much about people being flamed. I dreaded it more than anything, but to my shock and amazement I haven't gotten ANY. Here I am, haven Usagi beaten, and commit suicide! WHY WON'T ANYONE FLAME ME! Come on, you know you want to! Insult me, say you hate my story, just GET IT OUT OF THE WAY, so I won't dread it anymore!  
  
Just a little of my craziness...  
  
Ja ne everyone! 


	25. memories

Sorry I haven't written in so long, but I've had a writers block the size of Texas. Hope you enjoy!  
  
**  
  
Aria became almost an extention of Usagi as she sat in her wheel-chair and played. She stared off into space, and did nothing but strum on the strings, and sing her emotions into a strange, unearthly song. She didn't worry about her past, or her future. She was wholly in the present, and nothing else mattered. She completely forgot for those few moments of anything else but the trance she was in, and even though she knew it would end, didn't want to face that truth.  
  
**  
  
Sonya couldn't look away from the X-rays that she had just finished The diagrams she had studied all of her medical career made her capable of reading them, but that didn't help brace her for the truth on them. The truth that she didn't want to face. Even though Amei had been silent, and unwilling to become close to anyone, least of all her, Sonya had developed a genuine liking for the small girl. She seemed to real in this world of liars, and her plight made Sonya feel sympathy for her. And that's why she hated having to go in that room and tell her what she didn't deserve to have to face. The truth.  
  
**  
  
A soft knocking on the door started Usagi out of her trance, and she tried not to feel irritated at it. "Come in!" She called, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible so she could go back to playing…just for a few more minutes…  
  
Sonya walked into the room, her brown hair was tousled, and she looked in pretty bad shape, like she had lost sleep or something. "Sonya, are you alright? What was it you wanted?" Usagi asked, wanting to know what it was hat her nurse wanted. It wasn't time for one of her torture meals, so what could it be. Sonya was normally in the background, and never came unless she was needed. It wasn't her fault that they hadn't spent much time together. Usagi just hadn't wanted to get to know anyone after her trust had been broken by one person that she thought she loved, and the person she knew she did. She was closed up in herself, like she was before only she wasn't pretending to be Ok. She didn't want to get to know these new people for fear of being hurt. Usagi smirked slightly at the irony. So different from the cheerful loudmouth who thought no one could do wrong, and whose highlight of her day was to meet someone knew. Another person entirely…  
  
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm afraid I have some bad news." Those words got Usagi's attention better than anything else could. Bad news was something she had become used to for the past couple of weeks, but what else could possibly go wrong? Part of Usagi was curious to find out what it was, but another part of her wished to be oblivious to just another thing that would go wrong with her life. She didn't have any option to whether she would find out or not.  
  
"It wasn't just this last knife wound that hurt you. You've suffered severe muscle damage prior to this relatively new injury, none of which have had time to fully heal. Your entire body is one big mess, and I don't think that you will ever be completely better in that way. But that's not all. You had quite a large knife, and when it entered your body is scraped against your spinal cord, rendering you paralyzed from the waist down. I'm so sorry that you have to hear this, but you will never be able to leave your wheel-chair. On the up-side, I do hope you have your internal organs healed enough for you to eat sometime in the future. It will not be for quite a long time though." She words hit Usagi like a ton of bricks. When she heard bad news, she expected to hear something she didn't want to…but this….To be stuck in her wheel-chair for the rest of her life, never to run or play again…it was just horrible! She knew Sonya had given her all of the bad news, and hadn't given her any false hope…and Usagi mentally thanked her for that. It didn't make it any easier though…  
  
Usagi forcibly reigned in her mind, to keep herself from succumbing to total panic. She almost didn't realize it when she said.: "Sonya, do you think I could be alone for a while? I'd really appreciate it." And she almost didn't see Sonya walk out the door, she was so busy keeping herself from going into a total panic. That was the last thing she needed. The last time she had paniked, she had managed to completely ruin her life, by trying to end it. She never wanted to lose control of herself like that ever again.  
  
But it was just so hard! It seemed like everything that could of gone wrong…had. She had this empty life, where she was nothing but a shell ever since she had been born. Part of her cut off from her, a piece of her soul missing. And then when she was only 14 years old she had this life thrust on her, that she never wanted, and for the sake of everyone she loved she had to live. And if it seemed like it couldn't get any worse she thought she fell in love with this guy, and had found her soul mate, but her had turned into a abusive bastard who gained a small amount of pleasure from hurting her, and she couldn't get out of it for fear of being trapped in lifetimes of misery. But she found someone who she really DID love, and she have her entire heart and soul too. But he had LEFT her, and she tried to kill herself. In a whirlwind of events she found out about her physical change where her entire appearance was completely transformed. And THEN she found out that when she thought she was just imagining the shadow world it was real, and her ability to go there had something to do with her mother. And THEN she found herself in this house, with all of these crazy people…and she was forced to face the fact that she would never walk again….  
  
But the worst of all of it was she could of prevented all of this from happening, if she hadn't been so physically weak. If she could of just protected herself, she could of stopped Mamoru, she could of protected herself. When she was Sailor Moon her friends were always putting themselves in jepoardy in order to protect her, because she couldn't do it herself. She was too slow, and not nearly strong enough. And she would never be able to change that because now she would never be able to walk…  
  
Or could she…  
  
But she couldn't do that! She might be able to use the silver crystal in order to heal herself…but she wasn't strong enough to try. Every time she used the crystal…she nearly died. And that was when she was in relatively good health. To even try it now would most likely hurt her more than it could ever help…but what did she have to lose?  
  
If she did die in the attempt, what would she lose? Her family and all of her friends already thought she was dead, and if she really did die here, who would tell the difference between the 2 ways she died, all that would matter was that she was gone. And then there were these people, they might mourn her loss at first, but they didn't know her nearly enough to care about her death for more than a few minutes. Then they would go on with their daily life.  
  
It wasn't that she WANTED to die. She had gotten over that days ago, but she didn't want to live like she was now. She couldn't go on not able to do anything for herself. Not even able to walk…especially when there was a chance, as slim as it might be to heal herself.  
  
She wasn't worried about anyone finding her with the silver crystal. Sonya would keep them out, so thinking she needed them time to come to terms with the news she had just been given.  
  
Usagi closed her eyes  
  
Usagi carefully activated her sub-space pocket, where she had put the Silver Crystal when she came to this dimension.  
  
It looked just like it had last time she had seen it. Beautiful and glowing a pure white. It was strange to think that such a beautiful thing could have the potential to cause so much destruction…so much pain. But in the end it wasn't the fault of the crystal that people were willing to kill to obtain the power it contains. It was just a tool to channel and magnify whatever power the user put into it.  
  
Usagi's eyes snapped up, surprise on her face. 'Where did that come from!' she frantically thought. She had never even considered that it could magnify power that was put into it before now; she always assumed that it was made of energy, and that was why it would work. But it just seemed so right that they power came from inside…almost like she had heard it before…  
  
Usagi shut her eyes, and prepared herself to try to use the Crystal. She reached inside her, like she had so many times to access to strength to do so.  
  
Before she knew it, she was in front of a door…and it was shut.  
  
'What the hell is going on! I already know how to use the silver crystal…why would I go to a part of myself that was blocked off? This doesn't make any sense!' She thought as she stood in front of the door. What on earth could be behind it…and would she want to know?  
  
'What the heck.' She thought, and pulled the key out of midair. Slowly and with infinite care, she placed it on the door, and it opened. As soon as it did, the hallway fell away and she surrounded by white.  
  
A few feet in front of her, suspended in mid-air hung a small glowing orb. It radiated a pure white, much like that of the silver crystal, only much more bright than it had ever shone. It seemed to pulse with an energy all it's own, and Usagi ached to touch it.  
  
Cautiously she took one step, and then another. Before she had time to prepare herself she was in front of the orb, and her hand was already inches away from touching it.  
  
Treating it like the smallest breath could shatter it into pieces, Usagi placed her right index finger on it.  
  
As soon as she made physical contact with the orb, she was back in her body again. She was sitting in her wheel chair, just like she had been minutes before…except for one thing.  
  
Now she radiated the same white energy that the glowing orb was. Her entire body was tingling, from her fingers, all the way to her toes. She felt like she was on fire, a mixture of the most exquisite pleasure, but also the slightest bit of pain. She had managed to access part of her that had been kept from her for so long, and she felt like she could do anything.  
  
Sometimes she wondered why it was that the other scouts could use their powers without any physical strain, and the only time they ever came even close to dying was when they were physically hurt. Jupiter could shoot lightning, and Mars could shoot fire…but their energy was never depleted. They must have something in them much like she had just found. An inner power that they could manipulate and control, and use for their benefit. But it was only the power they were using, and when it was depleted, or used, it wouldn't hurt them because all that would happen was that the power would be temporarily used up, and not hurt them physically. So unlike her who could use the silver crystal, or shoot moonbeams…but the strain would nearly kill her.  
  
But one question stood out in her mind. 'If I didn't have access to this power…how was I able to do anything? How was it possible for me to destroy meteorites, or to defeat powerful foes…if she didn't have the power in which to do it? Where did it come from?'  
  
Usagi thought about it for a few minutes, knowing that the answer was incredibly important. If she couldn't use the well of light energy she got from her mother, what was it she used?  
  
One option stood open, but Usagi didn't want to accept it. It would make so much sense, but it was just so horrible to even consider. The only other energy, or power she possessed…was her life energy…  
  
But how could she do that? Use the power she needed to live to use the silver crystal, to throw a tiara…it seemed impossible to even suggest. It just made so much sense. If she used her life force whenever she fought, it would explain why it was so tiring on her. Every time she used the silver crystal, she wasn't using it like it was meant to be. She wasn't using a power inside her, but still not needed to survive. She had used the power that kept her alive, and every time she used it…it would kill her. Once it as gone, gone for good, she couldn't heal and have it come back like she did before. She would have killed herself, and that would be the end. All because it was locked away. She could have defeated those enemies with ease if she had access to this immense power she had in her hands right now. With a mere thought she could do what was so hard before.  
  
And it could also explain why she was always stumbling over her own feet when she tried to fight, and why she was always so tired after she became Sailor Moon, she was in a constant state of being drained, and she was lucky her body didn't completely shut down!  
  
Usagi couldn't believe all of the thoughts and new ideas that were swirling like a tornado through her brain. Answers to questions she had never asked, and it all made so much sense now. If only she had known sooner.  
  
But all of this could wait. Right now her body was hurting, and she was getting sick and tired of sitting in this terrible chair. Her torture device. She wanted to be able to walk again, and she wanted the pain to finally stop. And now she knew how.  
  
Usagi let the energy run through her body for a few seconds, getting used to the feel of it. Then she carefully used some of it to channel to her body. With infinite care she concentrated it on specific parts of her body, but mainly her stomach and spine. She didn't know how it worked, but it seemed like the longer she was on fire with white power, and the longer it ran through her body, she knew she was healing…especially the parts of her that she was concentrating it on.  
  
After what felt like a few minutes, but was most likely longer than that, Usagi stopped her inner treatment. She wasn't 100% better, there were still a few scrapes, and she was definitely going to have scars, but she had done the impossible. She had healed herself so that it was like she had been hurt years ago, and she had repaired parts of her body that should never have been. Ami would have a field day with this, especially with her love of medicine, and her desire to become a doctor. Whenever Hotaru healed someone, she would become exhausted just like when Usagi used the silver crystal. But Usagi didn't think it was for the same reasons. And here she was, in just a short amount of time healed of her injuries…and she wasn't even tired…  
  
She wanted so badly to get up and start jumping on the bed. So go out and show the world that she was once more in one piece, and to roll around in a grassy field. But she knew that it was only daydreams. After all, what would her hosts, who had taken her in during her time of need, think of that? And what would Sonya think? She had been near death not too long ago, and had just found out that she would never walk again. So what would they think if she was all of the sudden miraculously better? Would they think she was a freak, or a liar? Any way she looked at it, it couldn't be good.  
  
So with nothing to do, and all of this new energy that needed to be released, Usagi did the only thing that she could without arousing suspicion. She entered her mind.  
  
She didn't want to go to the Shadow Realm right then, that place had too many memories. What she wanted was answers, and she wasn't going to give up until she found them. She wanted to know what her life was like when she lived in the Silver Millennium. What was her mother like, and what was the father she didn't remember like? And Mamoru mentioned once that they had never been in love in the Silver Millennium, so what was it like? She had this feeling that it wasn't all happy and joyful like she had once thought it was. That there was much more than the memories she received when she first turned into the Princess, and those were just an illusion to keep her from the truth.  
  
Usagi opened her figurative eye, and wasn't the slightest bit surprised to see that she was standing in front of a door. And she knew that behind that one door, was all of the answers to the questions the couldn't ask, and information that was important to her. But most of all, she felt that there were happy times that she needed to know. Childhood memories that back then she never wanted to forget, but had.  
  
Usagi lifted the key that appeared in her hand, and placed it on the door. As soon as it touched the barrier of her memories, Usagi was swept away by the images, and the knowledge of her past…  
  
**  
  
I know I know, it wasn't very good. I've had this enormous writers block since the last chapter, and I haven't been able to decide what to do next. Then it came to me, I could do a story about her past. I plan on posting it separately, and it won't be 'she remembered everything, and she was glad to know about her childhood' or anything like that. It will be a full story like inner strength, only hopefully better. It will answer questions about her life as a princess, and I might even put Heero and some of the Gundam guys in it. Heero will be a definite, so I hope it fills your appetite for real interaction between them, because there will be plenty of it.  
  
You can find it in the future under the title "Swept away by the tide of the past"  
  
And remember to review. I'd love to hear your comments on what I should have in the story. I plan on having somewhat middle ages, fantasy theme on earth, and could use come advice on what I should have. Also tell me anything else you might want to, and that offer includes flames.  
  
I would also appreciate it if you could PLEASE read 'A feather and a flame' it's a story written by Mars Fire Goddess, and myself. I'm sure you'd like it, and just wanted to notify you that it's out there, and you can read it if you want to.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have ANYTHING to say. 


	26. important announcement

Ok, before you get your hopes up, this is not a chapter. This is just another message, in case you didn't read my message before, that I will not be updating this story IN THIS SPOT for a while. Right now I'm working on the part where Usagi remembers her past, and just because I felt like it, I'm putting that in side story altogether, BUT IT'S STILL THIS STORY. You can see my posting chapters there, as posting them here, because THEY'RE THE SAME THING.  
  
And I'm finally going to have some physical interaction with Usagi and Heero, although it might not be the kind you might expect…*laughs insanely*  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=669116 here is a link to it, so you can go to it without having to find it. I've already posted the first chapter.  
  
Well…I suppose I might as well put a little something in here that I forgot to put in the last chapter. It isn't much, but it is important.  
  
**  
  
Pluto stood guard at the gates of time, carefully scanning to see if anyone was nearby, and protecting the portal with her life.  
  
It was all she had left to do, after her princess left she no longer needed protecting, so Pluto came here, to once more stand in silence for centuries to come.  
  
It was much harder for her than some might think that her princess had killed herself. She knew she should have seen it coming, but for some reason it had been hidden from her. She could have done something if she had know, but sometimes time can be fickle.  
  
And ever since then she hadn't been able to see into the future. It was like being blind to not know what was going to happen now that the savior of the earth was dead. What would happen to the planet and it's people now that she was gone, and what would happen to Rini?…  
  
But these were all questions she desired more than anything to have the answer to, but knew that the only thing she could do was to wait, and to watch.  
  
She was scanning to see if there was any foreign presence in the immediate area, when she felt something that made all of the hairs on her head stand on end.  
  
It was a foreign power coming from far away, and if she hadn't been concentrating so hard, and if the power wasn't so immense she would have never known it was there. It seemed vaguely familiar, but she just couldn't place it. Whatever it was though…it was a threat. No power like that could go unchecked. Pluto got ready to try to find the source of it, but before she could it was gone.  
  
Pluto mentally cursed her luck, but she knew that no one like that could remain hidden for very long. Sooner or later they would use it again, only this time she could be ready.  
  
**  
  
I know, it's not much, but I wasn't even going to put it there until I read your reviews!  
  
Remember to go to the link to get the rest of the story! It's VERY IMPORTANT!  
  
And you can review this one too, and email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com 


	27. Interruption, the beginning of the memor...

Now, some people didn't seem to realize it when I said that this was part of inner strength, so many of you still haven't read the next chapters I have posted. I decided that my idea to post them separately was a really bad one, so I will continue to post the following chapters here. Enjoy!  
  
Be sure to review when you're done!  
  
**  
  
Serenity was in a bad mood. She was supposed to be outside in the woods, secretly practicing with the bow and arrow. She wanted to perfect her skill, so that when she snuck down to earth where weapons like this were still used, she would be able to fend for herself. After all, humans weren't nearly as civilized as Lunarians, so it wouldn't do to have her bring a phaser, or even a gun down there where none had ever been seen before. She would need to blend in, and the best way to do that was to learn their ways.  
  
But she just HAD to get caught, and not just by anyone ohhh no. It had to be her older brother.  
  
So now here she was, walking behind him to go and meet with her parents. There she would have a talking to where she would be told once more that she was a princess, and had more important things to do than to waste her time using uncivilized weapons of people where were centuries behind them. She'd need to practice her embroidery, or her manners, or some other princess like thing, none of which had any value! So what if she could do fabulous needlepoint? How would that help her in the world? And it was soooo boring! She couldn't do anything she loved to do here, except maybe for singing and she didn't even have a decent instrument to use for it! She couldn't go ice-skating unless there were tons of people there to watch out for her, because what on earth would happen should she break a nail! She couldn't exercise, and she wasn't allowed to cook. Everything on this horrible moon was forbidden her all because of whom her parents were, and quite frankly she was getting sick of it.  
  
And her parents didn't even want her to watch the people on earth, because god willing she should learn something from them that her parents didn't want her to know. And if she should get ideas? The entire moon would fall apart.  
  
But as much as they hated it, watching the earth was one of the things that Serenity loved to do more than any other thing…even singing. Sometimes she would even sneak into the observatory and look through the telescope at the people and the places. The knights, and their form of fighting fascinated her. Hand to hand combat, sword fighting, and archery. All of which things that were of the past here, and weapons that belonged in a museum…not in the hands of anyone, especially a princess. But earth was just so beautiful, despite the sometimes ugliness of the people. Despite the wars of which her mother and father wanted to shield her from, earth had a primal beauty, which drew her to it. And the more forbidden something was, naturally the more she desired to do it. And that was why she had plans to go down to earth. Her parents would have a heart attack, and she would finally be able to do what she wanted, and explore the strange place. She might even meet some people who weren't stuck up and rich. REAL people who told you what they thought instead of always being polite.  
  
And that was why she had started practicing on a bow that she made out of a tree branch. It was crude, and making it had given her slivers…but it was serviceable. When she knew how to use it enough to protect herself, and to hunt, she could go to earth and get the real thing. Everything had been going fine…until Duo stumbled across her on one of his walks.  
  
Ok! Serenity thought, trying to calm down. Her life wasn't that bad. Her family really did love her, including her brother. She was just so sick and tired of being a princess, and having everything decided for her! She needed desperately to get away, even if it was only for a few days. She needed to get past the walls of the Moon Castle, and for a while not see the exquisite beauty of her home that so many people traveled far and wide to see.  
  
But right now she had bigger problems. Her parents wanted to see her, and it was right after being caught by Duo. Why did he have to tell their parents anyway? They normally got along so well, pulling pranks on everyone, and having a genuine good time. But for some reason he really didn't want for her to learn how to use weapons, especially those of earth. He had argued for month until she was finally able hold a gun, let alone learn how to use it. He wanted her to be happy, and he thought for that she needed a sheltered life. In some ways he didn't know her at all…  
  
The huge white door to the reception room came into sight far too fast for Serenity's comfort. In just seconds she could get another lecture from her parents, and they were just becoming far too common.  
  
Duo pushed the huge door open easily, because despite its weight it hung on very well oiled hinges. Serenity stopped at the doorway, her feet not willing to go any farther. With a practiced effort Serenity willed herself to step into the bright room.  
  
It was hard not to marvel at the reception room, no matter how many times she had been there. All around were windows, on the ceiling and on the walls. The light that came through the windows reflected off the quartz statues and chandeliers. It was a place to make foreign dignitaries pause in awe, but it also did that to everyone else that walked through that door.  
  
  
  
On 2 thrones, both equal in size sat her parents, Selenity and Razan. Selenity was like an older version of her daughter, except she was much more mature than Serenity at only 16 years old, and she had lavender hair as opposed to the stunning gold color of her daughter. She also wore her hair in the traditional royal hairstyle, like her daughter was supposed to. Right now she had her hair in a typical ponytail, despite her mother's wishes. She also had soft eyes, so different than the piercing blue color of her daughter. Razan was a handsome man, with gold hair that was cut just past his ears, the same gold color that his daughter has. He also had the same piercing blue eyes that were passed down to his daughter. Duo stood in front of them, waiting for them to speak despite his obvious need to open his big mouth. He looked so different than everyone else in the family. He had brown hair the color of chocolate that Razan insisted as the same color as his father. He was tall, and quite well built from all of his exercise (Serenity seethed in anger at the thought that HE was allowed to work out while he was forbidden to) but he did have the same blue eyes as his father, and his sister, who was only 2 years younger.  
  
"Mother, Father, do you think I could be excused? Me and some of the guys were going to go out and do something and I'm already late." Duo said all in a rush.  
  
"Just don't be long dear, and be home in time for supper." Selenity smiled with fondness of her favorite, and only son. He started to leave but couldn't get out before-  
  
"And don't do anything I'll need to get you out of-like last time." Razan called after him.  
  
Serenity smiled at this. What he really meant was 'don't get caught, I don't want to bail you out.'  
  
Selenity looked regal in her throne, as she always did when she took on the position of authority. Razan on the other hand, looked like he would like just as much to break out laughing after just one look at his daughter, who was wearing trousers and a shirt, holding a stick with a string, and was quite dirty.  
  
Selenity arched an eyebrow at her daughter. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself? We told you not go out alone after what happened last time."  
  
Serenity shuddered at the memory of her mother's words. Last time she had gone out without bothering to change, and she had managed to completely ruin a very expensive dress when she fell in the mud.  
  
Serenity held her chin up high, and answered simply "Nothing."  
  
Selenity looked like she was going to say something more to her daughter, but Razan put his hand on her shoulder, and said. "Dear, don't you think that this could wait? I'm sure that Sere is very sorry for going out alone, aren't you?" He looked at Serenity that demanded an answer, so she gulped and nodded frantically "But this isn't why she's here. Wasn't there something else you wanted?" He said the last part suggestively, and his wife's face lit up for a second, as she seemed to remember. She entered once more to the mother phase, and Serenity relaxed visibly, and mentally thanked her father for his help.  
  
"Sere, dear. A few months ago I sent away to a master craftsman on Venus to have something made for you, and today it came in. I was hoping to give it to you now, but with your actions…" Serenity interrupted her mother "It's ok mom. I promise I'm sorry and I won't ever go out again" She crossed her fingers as she said this and smiled winningly.  
  
Selenity seemed to decide that it really WAS better to scold her daughter later, and really did seem want to give her whatever it was.  
  
Serenity shuffled anxiously as she waited. She always did love surprises, and her parent's attitude had really peaked her curiosity.  
  
Serenity watched as her mother pulled something onto her lap, which had been resting next to her throne. Serenity was surprised she hadn't seen it there before, but didn't allow herself to worry about it. It was a white package, circular shaped. Serenity itched to get her hands on it and rip the wrapping paper off to find out what was inside.  
  
Giving into the temptation Serenity abandoned all patience and ran over to stand by her mother. "Is that for me?" She asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to actually have it in her hands.  
  
"Of course it's for you." Selenity answered, and handed the package to her daughter. "It's a very special gift, and I hope you will treasure it like it deserves to be treasured.  
  
Serenity was barely listening as she tore the paper out and saw what it was. She was somewhat puzzled at the object she held in her hands after she first got a good look at it. It looked almost like a Lute, or even a small harp, but not really quite either. It was made out of a gleaming wood, and had silver strings. She was surprised to find it fit in her hands like it was made to be there, which it most likely was. "It's beautiful Mother, but what exactly is it?" She asked somewhat puzzled.  
  
Razan answered instead. "Well, you see, we wanted to get you something that totally fits you, so your mother thought up the idea of having this made for you. There isn't anything else like it in all of the universe, and it's made completely and totally to suit you. Its strings are even tuned to match your voice."  
  
Selenity finished. "And you can call it whatever you want. It's yours to keep, and to use. We hope you like it."  
  
Serenity ran an experimental strum down the strings, and gasped in surprise. It was beautiful, and it really would match her voice perfectly, like no other instruments she had tried ever could. The cord hummed in her ears, and then through her entire body. It was the most marvelous thing she had ever heard.  
  
Placing it on the wrapping paper with a little bit of regret, Usagi dove in a headlong rush to hug her parents, first her father, and then her mother, thanking them constantly.  
  
"You know dear, I think she likes it." Razan said to his wife she was being attacked by their daughter.  
  
"I think you're right." Serenity answered, with a huge smile on her face to match that of her husband and daughter.  
  
After she finished thanking her parents, Usagi went back to her new gift. Her… "You know, she said so softly even her parents couldn't hear. I think I'll call you Aria."  
  
**  
  
I know nothing much has happened so far, but I hope you liked it. Next chapter I plan on having Sere really getting things going.  
  
If you liked…review. If you hated…review. If you want more of this story…REVIEW!  
  
You can reach me by emailing me at sirencalling@yahoo.com and I'd love to hear any comments or suggestions you might have. 


	28. taking off

Authors Notes- Ok, here is a really long chapter, don't you just love me? It takes off a little here, and I finally have some action! I thought that would never happen. I worked really hard on this chapter, I don't mind saying, so make sure you review to make it worth the time and effort I put into it. I know you will!  
  
I have a question to ask you. This story is brought to pass because USAGI is remembering her past as if she were living it once more. Because of that, it really only makes sense to have it only from her point of view, but if you think I should I could also do some chapters/paragraphs for other people's perspective, namely Duo, and Heero. If you think I should, tell me. Otherwise, I'll just have Usagi.  
  
**  
  
Quickly Serenity stuffed a few of her necessities into a simple canvas bag. Now was the time, if there ever was one. She had a plan for what she was going to do when she was down there, and her parents were off to Saturn for the next two days for a conference. If she was ever going to get down to earth to have a real adventure, it was now or never.  
  
So far she had stuffed into her bag a simple tunic, and another pair of brown shoes. She was going to wear her Aria on her back for easier traveling, and get everything else she would need when she was down there. She had a simple comb, which she had already stuffed down at the bottom, and a few other items of interest to her. Some cheese, and a loaf of bread were in a separate bag, which she had managed to sneak from the kitchen earlier that day.  
  
As she was looking through her room for anything else she might have to grab, her eyes involuntarily rested on her dresser. There, placed earlier with loving care was her book.  
  
She walked over to the other side of the room, and gently picked it up. It was a magnificent work of art on the outside, all mythical creatures, and forest. But it was what was on the inside that made it really special. It was filled with different stories of people going on bizarre adventures, and battles. It was this book that first made her want to go to an 'uncivilized' place, so that she could also have her own adventure, like the characters in the book. And all she had to do was go down to where this had all taken place…earth.  
  
She put the book back where it was before she picked it up. As much as it pained her to leave behind, she knew that she didn't need to read about other people doing marvelous things, because soon she would be doing them herself. Or at least she would be able to see a little of the world which was forbidden to her.  
  
It was harder at first than she thought it would be to leave her home, but the thrilling anticipation drove her on. But first there was one thing that she would need to do.  
  
For her, as with much of the moon kingdom, magic was a central part of her life. It was as simple as breathing for her, and she had been trained to use the immense power in her from birth, much like she learned so many other things in school. It was much more fun than learning etiquette though, and she found she had a knack for it. All she had to do was to reach into her, and find the pool of blinding white power that was so much a part of her, or she could reach into a similar silver pool. There she could draw the pure energy, and direct it to what she wanted to accomplish. Most people could, but because of whom her parents were she knew that she had an unordinary amount. And then there was the fact that she had 2 sources of energy, when everyone else had one….but she didn't need to think about that right now. She had more important things to do than to once more puzzle about her life, and why she was the way she was. It wouldn't do any good anyway.  
  
Serenity stepped over to the full-length mirror that hung on her wall. She didn't want to look at herself, the people who spent their entire day marveling at their own beauty always disgusted her. She needed to look at her image for this though.  
  
Staring deeper into the image than most normally did, she slowly reached into her. She pulled out the almost tangible force, and began to change.  
  
She only wanted minute changes, so slowly she used her ability to change the color of her eyes from the brilliant blue, to a more pale green color. Next she changed her hair from the easily recognizable gold, to a dark amber. Lastly she changed her skin from the pale white, so a dark golden tan.  
  
She couldn't help but laugh out loud at the image that how stared back at her in the mirror. It was someone completely different, someone her parents and the guards would never recognize. Her white teeth stood out starkly against her now dark skin, and she marveled at her new image…but not for long.  
  
She had more important things to do, so reluctantly she walked over once more to her dresser. On one of the corners, lay a ornate golden knife. It had a jeweled hilt, and its razor sharpness could cut through anything. It was worth a small fortune, but this was one thing that she couldn't take with her.  
  
Careful not to let the edge get close to her fingers, she skillfully lifted it up into her right hand, and walked back to the mirror. She carefully lifted a lock of her hair, and began to methodically chop it off.  
  
It was harder than she thought it would be to cut her knee-length hair to a more practical shoulder length. She tried not to let herself think about the years it had taken her to grow it out as the strands fell to the floor in an amber shower. Besides, the thought trying to cheer herself up. She could always grow it back, naturally, or with her art.  
  
And now the last part of her costume. Serenity once more left the mirror to walk to the closet. It was filled with fancy dresses, ornate gowns, and everything a princess would ever want to wear. Jeweled cloaks, and other valuable items, but at the same time Serenity found them utterly worthless. With a savageness, which expressed more than words ever could how much she hated the wardrobe, she pushed them to the side. She didn't want to bring anything with her but the bare necessities, and whatever money she would need she could earn by playing as a minstrel, for that was what she would be. A traveling minstrel could go places, without being noticed, and singing and playing her unique instrument was one of the few things she knew how to do that would be of worth down there.  
  
Finally finding what she was looking for, she pulled out a dark brown cloak. She swung it over her shoulders, and clasped the plain clasp. Lastly she pulled the hood over her head to completely shadow her face. Perfect. She wouldn't recognize herself dressed like this, there was no way anyone else could find her, if they did even bother.  
  
And so she grabbed her bad, and swung it over he shoulder. She carefully put her harp on her back, and got ready to go. Lastly, she placed a small white piece of paper under the knife on her dresser. It would explain what she was doing, and begged her parents not to come looking for her, as much of a chance she really thought there was of THAT ever happening.  
  
Not able to stop herself from smiling slightly, she once more walked back to the full-length mirror. She hated the fact that she had to spent so much time in front of it, more that day than ever before, it was necessary if she was ever going to get off this horribly boring moon.  
  
She closed her eyes, and steeled herself for what she was going to do next. It should work, in theory at least. She had never tried to create a portal like this before, but she couldn't try it beforehand without someone finding out. Not ever her brother knew about her plan to create a 'pathway' per say to go down to earth. It was her one trick to get down there, and now she was going to attempt it. And it would be the last time to use any of her magic like this. She couldn't down at earth, because it was far too much like a beacon. Someone could sense her using it, and trace her because of that. But for now, she was safe.  
  
Closing her eyes, because it always helped her concentrate, she drew a thin cord of pure silver power from the pool inside her. Slowly, and with infinite care she wove it into a web over, and also into the mirror. As the threads came together, slowly a silver vortex began to appear.  
  
When she was finally finished, Serenity opened her eyes. In front of her was a swirling silver pool, much like the one she saw inside her when she closed her eyes. Her eyes lit as she looked at her greatest accomplishment, and armed with nothing more than her desire for adventure, she stepped through.  
  
**  
  
For a second all she saw was darkness, but then her eyes adjusted to the forest and she could make out a few vague shapes. Lush, wild trees, and knee-high grass surrounded her. She wanted to scream, or cry as she looked at the world she was now it. One thought was pre-dominant in her mind.  
  
IT WORKED!  
  
It was almost unbelievable that she was out of the castle on her own for the first time in her life. No guards…nothing to hold her back! And the forest was so beautiful. Sure, there were trees in the castle, but they were carefully groomed, and everything was kept in perfect order. The gardens WERE beautiful, but they lacked a certain wildness, which this place had. Wild, and untamed, just like she had always wanted to be.  
  
She spread her arms out to her sides, and spun like a whirlwind, round and round, reveling in the freedom she felt that overrode all of her senses. She went faster, and faster, and…one ankle went behind the other and she tripped, landing in a completely graceless thud.  
  
She lay down on the ground, and just started laughing. She felt a strange stinging sensation, and looked down at her hand. There was a tiny streak of blood on her palm, nothing really, but it was something. If she had been in the palace, guards would rush up to her, and scold her for being so reckless, but here she was all by herself. It was just a cut, and down here she wouldn't have it wrapped in thick bandages like she could back home. It did sting slightly, but like her newfound freedom, she reveled in the feeling.  
  
She got up, and wiped her hand onto her dark cape. The blood was absorbed into the fabric, and you couldn't tell that it was even dirty. Then she started walking.  
  
Aimlessly she traveled through the woods, not really going anywhere. There weren't any worries of what she was going to do at another court function, or having to pretend she was happy when in truth she felt like a caged bird. There wasn't anywhere she needed to be. Sure, she would need to find a place to spend the night, and maybe an inn where she could play later on. But she wouldn't allow those thoughts to worry her. She could think about what she was going to DO later, but right now, she just wanted to be here.  
  
She didn't know how long she walked; it could have been hours, or maybe less. It was even darker than it was when she first came into the forest, but that didn't stop her from seeing the shadow drop in front of her line of vision.  
  
"Look what we have 'ere boys. Looks like a lost lamb to me." A gruff voice interrupted her contemplation with a too loud laugh.  
  
She whipped around, and saw off to the side of the path she had been walking on someone unlike she had ever seen before. He was relatively tall, and had bright red hair. A scar ran down across the side of his eye, and down to his chin. He was wearing ratty clothes, and had a dagger in a belt on his pants. He looked like a rogue, a pirate, or something. She felt herself shiver as he looked at her, open hunger in his eyes.  
  
"So whadda you guys think that we could get off this little lost lamb? Should've known better than to go out into the big scary woods alone." He said with a sneer, turning to his companions who had gathered behind him. "I really think that we should take care of him, after all, it can be dangerous out there. There are people who might want to take advantage of a lone traveler." He finished with mock horror as he started to advance.  
  
Serenity started to back away, more afraid than she had ever been in her life. He was just so BIG and his partners were looking at her as if they were judging her value. 'Thank god they don't know I'm a girl yet' she thought as she backed away. She had nothing to protect herself, so as she backed into a tree she lifted up a large stick that had fallen to the ground. She held it like a baseball bat, and waited for him to reach her. She knew that if she ran then she could only get lost in these woods, and eventually she would get caught no matter what she did.  
  
The leader started to laugh uproariously as he looked at her. She must have looked ridiculous, just a black shadow holding a stick in the face of a trained bandit.  
  
She pitched her voice lower. "Don't take another step" she tried to sound menacing, but it only made him start to laugh louder. "Fellas, you can stay back there. I can take care of this one by myself." He called back to his companions as he continued move forward.  
  
Serenity licked her lips, and in the few seconds while she waited she watched her whole life flash before her eyes. Her mind had completely blanked in light of the situation, and she couldn't think of anything else to do but stand there until her life came to an end, at least her life, as she knew it.  
  
When he was close enough for her to make use of her short-range weapon, she tensed her muscles, and swung it as hard as she could at his scarred ugly face. As it swung through the air, she found herself praying that she could be fortunate for it to make contact.  
  
But much to her frustration he managed to catch it in both of his hands seconds before it came in contact with his head. "Is that all yaw got?" He questioned with a sneer, as he lifted his large meaty fist it finish it.  
  
Serenity closed her eyes, now only hoping that it would be too quick for her to feel anything. She waited, and she waited, but to her shock it never came.  
  
Slowly squinting her eyes open, and only for a second wondering if she was dead, she prepared herself to face the world, and saw a blur.  
  
The blur was a long staff, at least 7 feet in length. Unlike her clumsy swing, it danced through the air, stopping every one of the blows that the leader tried to make at the stranger holding it.  
  
He moved with a lithe grace unlike anyone she had ever seen. It reminded her of a dance the way he fought with the man nearly twice his size. He moved almost too quickly for her to really comprehend what she was seeing, and she knew it was the most beautiful thing she had ever been able to witness.  
  
With a final rap on the head, the hulk of a man fell unconscious to the ground. Serenity winced "that'll definitely leave a mark" she found herself muttering in spite of her will to keep quiet.  
  
She looked behind the man to see if the rest of the gang was there, but found that seeing the easy disposal this man made with their leader, they had run, and you could still hear the rustling of the bushes as they stumbled over themselves trying to get away.  
  
Meanwhile the mysterious stranger had come up to her, and grabbing her arm he started running, pulling her along with him. She wondered why it is that he would be running from the bandits when they had already run from him, but tried not to worry about it.  
  
It was harder than she thought it would be to keep up with him, and she spent the time in their headlong rush through the wilderness mainly trying not to fall over herself. It was a rush unlike anything she had ever felt, but at the same time she was so emotionally exhausted that it was harder than it would have been under any other circumstances. She was finally starting to get the hang of it when she found herself flying headlong to the ground.  
  
"Oofff." She winced as she tripped over a large branch that she hadn't noticed was there until it was too late. She lay on the ground for only a second, and then she scrambled up. In front of her stood the stranger, the man who had saved her from a fate worse than one she could imagine, she was sure. He leaned on his staff, and she found herself regretting losing hers in the flight. It would come in handy.  
  
It was the first time she really had a chance to look at him. He wasn't what she was expecting, unlike the rogues she had met before; he didn't look like something that was dragged from the bottom of a lake. He was wearing simple brown clothes, meant to blend in with the forest. She got the feeling that that outfit was what was common in these parts. His hair was a dark brown, and right now extremely messy. He had some twigs stuck in places everywhere, and she found her fingers twitching to pull them out. He was fairly young, most likely around her age, but she wasn't exactly sure. He had dark Prussian blue eyes, and darkly tanned skin. 'He's not half bad, but he isn't a prince' she found her mind wandering to areas she didn't want to go with someone she hadn't really even met yet, so she started to pick dirt off her coat, trying to avoid his penetrating gaze.  
  
"So." He said in a surprisingly mild voice. "What's a noble like you doing out in the middle of the woods without any protection?" He sounded sarcastic, like she was stupid to be out here alone, and how dare she force him to rescue her. His tone immediately put her on the edge.  
  
She pitched her voice lower, if he didn't realize she was a girl, there was no way she was going to let him know. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a noble, I'm just your ordinary traveling minstrel, trying to make a living wandering from town to town."  
  
Surprisingly he started to laugh. That made just her angrier, how dare he laugh at her! But she didn't do anything; just wait to see what he was going to do next.  
  
"You, not a noble! Come on, I don't know who you think your fooling, but it's easy to tell that you're not any ordinary minstrel. For one thing, your cloak alone is worth a small fortune around here, and your accent is unlike anything I've ever heard. Now." He stepped closer "Why don't you just tell me the truth, and stop your lying."  
  
She stepped backwards, unsure of what to say but knowing that she wanted to get away. She took another step, and found herself once more tripping over her own feet! 'Why do I have to be such a klutz?' she wondered to herself as she landed on the ground. As she landed for the first time since she arrived here, her hood fell from her face. She wouldn't have ever noticed it if she hadn't seen the look on the face of her rescuer.  
  
"You're a woman!" He said incredulously. "What are you doing out here all alone? This is even worse than if you were some noble, which you still are most likely. Don't you have any sense to not go out alone? Where have you been all of your life, there are bandits out here?!" He talked to her like she was a foolish child, and heat rushed to her cheeks. How dare he talk to her like that? She was the princess of the moon, the second child of two of the most powerful people ever alive! How dare he!  
  
She put on her most royal face and answered. "I thank you for your help good sir. But I really must get going." She bowed slightly, mockingly "Now, could you be so kind to point me in the direction of the nearest village?" There was ice in her voice as she finished and waited expectantly.  
  
He boy looked at her even more like she was crazy, and silently pointed to the right, the same direction she had been traveling in before the world had gone mad.  
  
And without a word of thanks, and still seething, she brushed past him and continued on her way. And left behind the boy whose name she didn't even know, watching her back, and wondering at the state of her sanity.  
  
**  
  
K everyone, was that what you expected? I sincerely hope not, and does anyone have any idea who her mysterious rescuer is? I certainly hope so, I tried to give it away. I hope you enjoyed it.  
  
Remember to review! Reviews make siren happy, and a happy siren wants to make the really great reviews happier in return. That means longer chapters written faster, with more effort put into them.  
  
Feel free to email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com I have to admit, I'm obsessed with talking, so anytime you want to say anything feel free. I usually have plenty of time to answer questions, and even if I don't there is no way I wouldn't answer you if you emailed me.  
  
Ja ne! 


	29. watcher

I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't have this from only Usagi's point of view. Sorry for those who didn't want it, and I know it doesn't make any sense for my to have say Heero's point of view when this whole thing is Usagi remembering her past, but just try to go along with it…OK?  
  
Oh, and I also wanted to congratulate Mars Fire Goddess on her new story. I have no idea where it came from, but what I have read so far is completely fantastic. You should really go and check her out.  
  
Wow. This is the 30th chapter! Who ever thought that it would come to this? I certainly didn't. I was only wishing that I would be able to make it to 10!  
  
**  
  
She didn't even bother to put her hood back over her head as she walked away from such a rude boy! How dare he talk to her, a princess like that! She had always despised sexist pigs, even back at home. Which was one of the main reasons she hardly ever dated while all of her other friends were always out with some boy. There were just none that were right for her. They were all rude, and as far as she could tell, completely obsessed with themselves. And if it wasn't that, it was that they were only interested in her because of the fact that she was a princess, and they greatly desired to try to get something from her. She sighed; it was just another item to add to the incredibly long list of things she hated about her title.  
  
After she had walked for a little while, and she had let off some of the steam, she began to feel a little sorry for what she did. It wasn't his fault, not really. She had just lashed out at him as if he were some boy from the moon or another neighboring planet, not an earth-boy who had just saved her life. Oh well, she concluded, she would most likely never see him again anyway, might as well keep on walking until she finally saw something…  
  
**  
  
Heero tried to shut his mouth as he watched the retreating back of the girl he had just saved but had as of yet too meet. He had never met anyone like her before! No one as rude, and obstinate as he had seen her be in the few seconds he was able to view her face. Sure, he wasn't exactly the best judge of females, but this one baffled him like no one he had ever met before, and with only a few short words!  
  
But then again there was the way she stood up to the bandits when they tried to rob her. The way she didn't run like he thought she would, when he thought she was just some foolish noble boy who was stupid enough to go out alone.  
  
But he was a gentleman enough to know that you didn't leave someone so obviously in need alone to travel in the woods, especially when it was already proved that they couldn't take very well of the themselves. So with a sigh of resignation, and the forlorn thought that he would never understand women, he set off to follow her.  
  
It wasn't that hard to go unnoticed by the strange girl. She went through the woods, making a sound like a herd of buffalo. He crept behind her like the most silent lynx creeping up on his intended prey. It was instinctive to walk this way, as he had spent most of his life if not in this forest in particular, many others like it. His mind wandered of it's own accord, even while his senses were as alert as they had ever been.  
  
For he was far from the ordinary country bumpkin who lived in the towns close to his farm where him and his grandfather herded sheep. He hadn't known it until he had met others…he had thought the way he acted was perfectly natural, and had been shocked to see just how different the rest of the world was. It wasn't so much his appearance; brown hair was common in these places. It was more along the lines that he thought on a different level than all of his friends, which in turn drove them away from him. And he wasn't content just to live out the rest of his life as nothing, some shepherd along hundreds, who live out their days in silence and boredom. That life wasn't for him and no one but his grandfather ever understood that. They couldn't see why anyone would like to go to places they had never seen, or to meet people that they didn't know all of the most private details about. They just couldn't understand why anyone would want to leave the comfort and security that came with living in a small place, where everything was so controlled and hard work was all that mattered. While his blood sang at the mere thoughts of doing as the people in the bards stories did, and travel the world…  
  
So far, the most interesting thing that had happened yet was meeting this girl, and he had a feeling that if he ever wanted the excitement that he so craved, it would be best to stick with her, whether she knew it or not. Besides, he thought allowing himself the luxury of a small smirk. She did need help, and he had yet to find out what her name was, and it was impolite to not properly greet a lady…even one like her.  
  
**  
  
Usagi slept on, the only movements that she made which even proved she was alive was the slight rise and fall of her chest, and the faint thumping of a barely beating heart. Unaware of the world around her and caught in the vortex of the memories which had once been her life. The life that was in many ways much happier than the one she lived now, but in others almost as terrible. Always confined to be what people wanted her to be. Trying to match up to the image that was expected of her, changing herself to fit the life that she lived, and as always, never feeling the invigorating sense of freedom…The freedom that was worth dying for.  
  
**  
  
Endymion wandered aimlessly through the palace gardens. It was almost twilight, and that was his favorite time of the day. When the rays of the sun spread like a crazy painting through the sky, and for one brief moment the world held in suspense waiting for the day to come to and end. Knowing that night must come, as it always had come and always would, but trying to hold on to the day for as long as possible.  
  
The path he was walking though was like the rest of this place. Everything was in perfect order, and nothing was out of place. Every leaf and every flower was carefully groomed to their ultimate possible beauty, and the place as always filled him with an overwhelming feeling of peace. The heady scent of roses filled his senses mixed tantalizing with the other flowers of the garden. He stopped in his stroll or a second to admire a particularly beautiful red rose. It was the essence of perfection, every petal perfectly in place, and the deepest red he had ever seen. Just like it should be a glimmer of perfection among all of the mistakes of his garden.  
  
Endymion grasped the stem in his hand, and ripped it from its place in the garden. The thorns coming out of the side pricked his delicate skin, and he cursed when he saw the blood the color of the rose in his hand to come out of the tiny holes the thorns had caused.  
  
Careful to not harm the flower more than need be, Endymion ripped out the thorns one by one, and didn't bother to wipe away the blood that flowed down his hand when they cut him. Even a rose, so perfect and beautiful hand thorns. But Endymion smirked to himself. Even those could be ripped away.  
  
Finally pulling a handkerchief from his sleeve Endymion efficiently wiped the blood away. Then he walked down the path, covered in the silence of darkness.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile someone watched him, and smirked. Yes, things were going just as planned.  
  
**  
  
I know it wasn't very good, but bare with me. I've had a lot of problems with writing, and even though it isn't excellent, I did put a lot of work into it.  
  
So remember to review if you want more, and I hope you do because I just finished the next chapter, and while I just can't wait until I can post it, I want to wait until you review for this first.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have anything to say. Don't worry, I don't bite, and you can't bother me. 


	30. Wufei

*pouts* what, don't tell me that everyone gave up on me already! I only didn't update for a while, and now everyone who was once reading my story apparently doesn't like it anymore! I do appreciate those faithful few who have kept at it, but where did everyone else go!  
  
Hope you enjoy, and remember to review!  
  
**  
  
Usagi's eyes snapped open, and suddenly she was jerked from her strange dream. The world seemed distorted for a moment, but after blinking a few times she was finally able to bring the world, and the room she was in into focus. For a second she took the time to wonder just what she had been dreaming about, but she could never remember her dreams so she didn't worry about it too much. She had heard once that dreams were just your hopes and thoughts made manifest in your mind while you were sleeping, or, in other words, they were just like daydreams when you are sleeping, and are pointless fantasies.  
  
But the world she was in now was startlingly real, and Usagi realized, it was time she really got to meet the people here, and see what there was to see. Ever since she had arrived she had closed herself into her room, and basically kept to herself. Here she was, in this whole new world, which had the ultimate potential to make all of her dreams a reality, and not just pointless fantasies she had in her sleep. She shrugged off the sharp pain that came right from the depths of her soul, and tried to forget that maybe she could fulfill some of her dreams, but others would be forever lost to her.  
  
With a skill that came from long practice she half rolled, half fell off her bed and into her wheelchair. Yep, it was time to finally explore this place, and hopefully not hurt anyone in the process.  
  
Being careful not to turn the speed on too high, she started her chair up, and rolled out of the room, and into the immense hallways that filled the mansion like the many tunnels in an anthill.  
  
Usagi wasn't very surprised when 20 minutes later she found herself somewhere far from her room, and…completely lost. But instead of getting all upset over the matter, she smiled a small smile and muttered to herself "I suppose some things never change." And turned to one of the doors on the left, and opened it. After all, what was the point of wandering if all you got to see was doors, without ever even bothering to open one of them?  
  
The room was somewhat dim, and very large. It seemed to be almost like a large gym, only there were no lines on the floor. Not seeing anyone present, she invited herself in to find out just what this place was.  
  
The walls were completely bare, and there were a few lights on the ceiling with shades over them to create the dim look. Careful not to disturb the silence that permeated the place, she turned to see what was on the other side of the room, and saw the man from her dreams.  
  
Or, at least she thought it must be her dreams. He was the man she could have sworn she had seen before, but who had been avoiding her, or so she thought. What was his name again…oh yes, Wufei. He was wearing a black tank top, and a pair of red pants. In his hand was what looked like a large thin knife, and he was swinging it around in what seemed to be like a dance. No, somewhere in her mind she knew, that wasn't a large thin knife, it was a sword. And yes, in a way he was dancing…sword-dancing.  
  
His every move was graceful as a swan, and she became totally captivated by it. Not so much him, but by the dance. It was so familiar. It was almost like somehow she knew what he was going to do next even before he did it. Like so many things in her life, his dance was like a memory from a dream. Sometimes, when she was so entranced that she wasn't thinking right, she could almost see another person overlapping Wufei, someone so familiar to her, but she could never make out a face.  
  
She was snapped out of her trance when she saw him do something that she knew deep inside of her to be wrong. It was almost like he was moving in slow motion as she watched him move his sword into an arch, and continued it all the way through, and sloped it up towards his chin. And, while he was doing this she saw him move his heel a little bit in order to maintain his balance. Her very being screamed at the simple wrongness of the move, and she couldn't help but wonder why she even cared. She had not even known what a sword was until today, let alone enough to know what is right and wrong in a sword dance. Yet somehow she knew.  
  
While her mind was thinking about this, her body had another agenda entirely. She couldn't believe it when her mouth moved to voice the words that were echoing in her head.  
  
"That's wrong."  
  
Usagi didn't think that she could have gotten Wufei's attention better any other way, and she knew by the way he went immediately on the defensive that he hadn't noticed she was even there.  
  
For a second she thought he was at a loss for words, and she could see his face getting very red. He looked like he was about to scream at her, when he took a deep breath, and some of the color gradually returned to his face. He continued this exercise for a few minutes, and Usagi thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world when he was finally calm enough to speak.  
  
"What do you mean by that? You can't just start to criticize a tradition that has been passed through my ancient family for almost a thousand years without just saying 'that's wrong'."  
  
Usagi was completely at a loss for words, or at least…she thought she was. Once more her mouth was moving before her brain and she found herself voicing what she was thinking just minutes before.  
  
"Well, as far as I can see it when you do that move you just did, that arch. When you go into a swoop that long and wide you seemed to lose your balance for a second, while if you came in at a 30 degree angle, you wouldn't have that problem. But then again, I don't know anything about sword dancing, but it seems to me that if that dance is so old, it would have been hard to keep it just like it was all of those years ago. Don't worry about it, everything changes with time, and I'm sure that somewhere along the line someone started to teach it like that, and over the centuries that was how it was accepted to be."  
  
'Who is that talking?' Usagi wondered as she sat there as an almost silent observer. But even while she spoke, she realized just how much sense her words made. She was right; things were changed over time. And also, if that dance was a practice to build reflexes like she thought that it was, then he wouldn't want to do it like that because maybe someday he would lose his balance because she practiced it wrong.  
  
Wufei stood there, at a complete loss for words. But he couldn't directly dispute her. He knew absolutely nothing about this girl, and for all he knew she might actually be an onna who knew something, although those sort of phenomena was rare even in these days. Instead he did what he had done earlier, and brought himself together, and placed a layer of calm over his shoulders. He wouldn't chase this girl away until he had some answers, and if going along with this was the only way he could…well…then he would just have to deal with it.  
  
"Well, for not knowing anything about sword-dancing, you seem to have a fairly good understanding of the principles. Here, how about you hold this for me for a second while I go and get a book on the subject from Quatre's extensive library. If you're going to criticize me on my technique, you should at least know what you're talking about.  
  
"Now" Wufei handed her the sword hilt first. "You need to be very careful with this, swords are incredibly dangerous, and you could hurt yourself without meaning to." Quickly he showed her the correct way to hold it in her hand, and walked out the door.  
  
Usagi started at the sword not in her hand with awe. It fit there, almost like a second skin. Like this blade, or any blade was meant to be in her hand. The feeling of wholeness filled her, and it was like she was at home after being lost for a long time.  
  
Usagi's mind flooded with all of these images. With a voice she couldn't recognize reciting the basics over and over again, and the stern face she couldn't quite make out lecturing her on the technique of fighting. For just a second it was almost like she was there. There in her past life feeling the frustration as she tried so hard to learn how to fight with this and many other weapons, and she could never get it. The soreness of abused muscles from blows that she barely missed, and then the sweet feeling of finally getting it. And through it all was that one person, that presence she felt more than saw, never leaving her side.  
  
The memories were gone just as soon as they had come, but the bittersweet feeling remained. Sweet because like so many other things she had found since she had first come her to fill the holes in her life this made her feel a little more complete. And bitter…bitter because all of it was for nothing. Now she knew so much about fighting, or at least sword-fighting. But she couldn't use any of it. Not only was she still stuck in a wheel chair because she didn't dare reveal she had healed herself.  
  
All of those hours of practice, and even the sword dance were done for one main reason. That was that even though you might know everything in your mind possible about anything, you need to have the 'body memory'. Without that you're clumsy, and can't use any of the knowledge you have. And not only that, but she was never very strong in her life, and now she was far weaker than ever before.  
  
But that space in her begged with the need to be filled, and Usagi just couldn't say no to it. Just like she couldn't refuse learning in her past life, she needed to know now or she would be losing something more valuable to her than gold would ever be.  
  
Wufei walked into the room with a large book in his hand. He walked over to her, and said.  
  
"This is the only fighting book I found in the library right now, even though I'm sure there are more somewhere. Here, why don't I take that sword from you and you can read a little from this book so you can have a little knowledge to know what you're talking about. You seem to have a good eye for this sort of thing, and it would be a waste for you not to do something with it." Wufei couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth! This wasn't him, this was some nice woman loving psycho who thought that onna's were actually worth something! But there was just something about her. Even when she was sitting in that fragile wheelchair she commanded respect. Maybe it was because her appearance was so astonishing, with the silver hair and black eye but Wufei didn't think that was it. It was just this aura that emanated from her that commanded respect.  
  
Usagi reluctantly handed over the sword that had been so right in her hand, and took the book. Quickly she scanned some of it over, and began to flip through some of the pages. It was really quite fascinating how there were so many differences with the old style of fighting she had learned thousands of years ago, and the once in the book. But what was even more astonishing, was how there were so much the same.  
  
Reluctantly Usagi closed the book, and put it into the shelf under her chair so she could pour over the pages later. She had something she needed to do first, and she only hoped she would be able to gather enough courage to be able to ask. Finally she spoke.  
  
"Wufei, I was wondering if there was any way you could teach me how to fight, and not just sword-fight, but hand to hand combat as well. I want to learn the art of dancing, but I also want to learn how to defend myself."  
  
Wufei couldn't have been more surprised if Duo had just told him that they were related! Here was this girl, in a wheelchair asking to learn how to fight! Not only was it immensely hard work to learn how to when you were hale and healthy, but as far as he knew it was impossible for someone who like her would never be able to walk again as Sonya had told him when he inquired about her health. But then her words really registered. She wanted to learn how to defend herself as well. Wufei looked closer and saw the healing bruises that were still covering her arms and legs. He began to be filled with a righteous anger. He might not like women especially, but he didn't think that any honorable person would ever lay a finger on one. And even if she had said that she tried to kill herself, he realized. That didn't mean that she had caused those bruises, and that someone hadn't driven her to that end. No, the pieces were finally beginning to fall into place, and he could only like her all the more for that. And not only was it the fact that that she wanted to learn how to fight to defend herself, it was also the fire in her eyes that drove him towards his answer. The spark that he had never seen in her dead, emotionless eyes before.  
  
"Fine, I'll teach you. But you can't expect me to go easy on you because (Wufei stopped himself from saying injured just in time) because you're a girl."  
  
Her smile made him feel more like he was doing the right thing, even though he had no idea how he was going to do this and she answered. "I would never expect you to."  
  
**  
  
Don't worry. I expect for this story to pick up pace really soon, but there are things in my 'plan' that need to happen first, and those include her getting to know the gundam guys. So hang in there, I have BIG plans for this story, and it's barely getting started. 


	31. Routine

OK everyone. There is a lot I want to happen, and quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of waiting. This chapter is going to be CRAMMED with information that I need for the story to continue the way I'm planning. But don't say that it's boring and give up, because there is a lot going to happen.  
  
**  
  
Soon Usagi, or as she was known here, Amei developed a routine. That was the last thing that she would have ever expected in this new place, where there were so many exciting things, but sadly it happened. At first she was angry about it when she realized what was happening.  
  
For so long she had believed that as soon as you fell into a routine, your life immediately became incredibly boring. But in another sense it was like a comforting balm over the wounds of her past to be with people she came to like, and doing things that she loved.  
  
Every morning she would get up, walk over to her wheelchair, and sit into it like it wasn't her only method of getting around. And every morning, she would wish that today would be the day when she could finally tell her new 'friends' the truth about her healing, but she never would. She had already trusted before, and that had ended with her trying to kill herself. No, they would never understand, and in a way, she preferred it. Ignorance is bliss is the old saying, and she had a feeling that they would much prefer ignorance to the truth.  
  
She was also surprised that it had already been 2 weeks since she had asked Wufei to train her. The time seemed to speed by, and the more she grasped at it, the sooner it slipped through her fingers. It was frustrating to have to learn all of the ways to use a sword while sitting down, and hand blocks when in her wheelchair, but she held on to the hope that someday she would be able to walk openly again, and really learn how to fight. But even if she told everyone that a miracle happened and she was healed, she had already resolved to never discuss her past, and to even think about it as little as possible.  
  
She sped with ease through the halls of the mansion, and again she was shocked at how easily she had picked up on the patterns in the seemingly random hallways. She had traveled the same routes every day, and now she didn't even get lost anymore. She knew that before she had come she would never have been able to do this, and thanked Yoriko, the brief presence in her life for giving her so much that she had never even realized she could have back again.  
  
The sounds up ahead brought a small smile to her face. It was like her morning awakening, truly bringing her out of her thoughts, and into the real world.  
  
"MAXWELL!!!! Get over here right now! And maybe I'll only cut off your braid, and not kill you!"  
  
Yep, Usagi thought. At first she had been shocked to hear such words come out of the friends mouths, but now she was used to it and just took amusement in the fun.  
  
"Wu-man, I said I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to do it this time! How was I supposed to know that the cooks made the eggs for you! I always like tons of hot pepper on mine, and I didn't know you would take them when I wasn't looking!"  
  
"Lies, all lies!" As Usagi entered the room she saw what was happening. Wufei was standing by the table, with Duo on the other side of the room constantly trying to keep as far away from the enraged Chinese man as possible.  
  
Usagi couldn't help but giggle at the scene. She tried to stop it, but it came out without her consent. H  
  
Her face went blank with shock as soon as she did it. She couldn't believe it! Did she just laugh! What were these people doing to her! She hadn't really smiled for months before she came here, and now their behavior is making her LAUGH! She wanted to scream, or shout, she didn't know which. But instead she just sat there, reveling in the feeling of contentment that filled her in that moment.  
  
"Oh, hey Amei." Duo cheerily shouted from the other side of the room, and his smile would have broken his face if it were any larger. He had been trying to get anything out of her since she had first come here, doing the craziest things imaginable, and nothing at first could produce even the smallest response.  
  
Wufei whipped around at the small noise, and his face at first was a mix of shock and anger, but then he wiped it away to his normal look of superiority. Usagi had to hide another smile by coughing. Who exactly did he think he was kidding anyway? Wufei just grunted a hello, and then turned to sit at the large table with Quatre, who was the only other person in the room.  
  
"Good Morning Amei. I hope you slept well." Quatre gave her a shy smile, and Usagi couldn't help but wish that she could have met him under different circumstances. He was just so sweet and innocent, and she just loved him immediately. He, in fact, everyone helped to fill the gap that was left when she lost her brother and her family. She had always loved Shingo so much, even if she never showed it, and Quatre and Duo, most of all helped ease his loss.  
  
"I slept wonderfully Quatre, thank you for asking." She answered his query. And wheeled over to the counter to pick up her breakfast.  
  
Her stomach turned when she saw her food. Once, before she came here she saw this movie. It was called the Matrix, and every time she looked at her food, breakfast, lunch, and dinner she always thought about what they ate. She had finally managed to convince Sonya not force her to eat through a needle anymore, but sometimes she wondered if what she got was worse. Formless, tasteless, mush. But then she would change her mind, and realize than anything was better than those needles.  
  
She grabbed it, and wheeled over to the table, and placed her bowl on the surface. Then, very slowly, she ate.  
  
Now, before she had come here she used to eat like a starved lion, but after she had that wound in her stomach, and after she didn't need so much of her energy because she didn't even walk anymore, her appetite had diminished significantly. She wondered if she would be able to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast even if it were allowed.  
  
And that was the beginning of her 'ordinary day'. Right after breakfast, she went with Quatre to the music room, and talked with him about music theory, and the many different instruments in this amazing room. She already knew the basics of the piano, the flute, and the drum, and just couldn't get enough knowledge. Quatre was a great teacher, and she was also surprised when she would say something that he didn't know. Usually such comments would come out of nowhere, and she was just as surprised as he was. But it was comforting not to worry about anything more than playing the wrong note, and being with her new friend.  
  
After that she would go to lunch, and eat the same mush she had for breakfast. Meals were the only times that she would be with all of the guys at once, and it was fun to just listen to them joke around while she sat there and ate. Sometimes she would say something, but she really didn't have much to talk about with people who knew each other so well. Sometimes Duo would joke with her, and she tired to play along.  
  
After lunch, she would go to the exercise room with Wufei, and he would teach her the different styles of fighting, and the various ways to hold the sword. Sometimes she would, as the thought before, teach her how to block, but that was basically it. It was then she the felt the desire to jump out of her wheelchair, and just run around the room the most. But she was always able to stop herself just in time.  
  
After that, she would go to the library, and pour over the many books that Quatre had collected. There was just so much to know, and Usagi felt that she needed to learn it all fast so she could catch up with all she had missed, and finally be able to know something. She was so sick of being the stupid ditz, and was determined to fill all of the empty space in her head as soon as possible.  
  
After that, she would go to her room, and like clockwork Duo would knock on the door, and she would let him in. This was one of her favorite times of the day. Duo would just talk about nothing, and do everything he knew to make her laugh. He would tell her crazy stories, and just joke with her. He would be her friend, and while she didn't learn anything like she did throughout the rest of the day, she wondered if this was one of the most beneficial things she did. Becoming comfortable with another person was hard at first, but Duo was just so hard not to like! He was sweet, and funny, and he understood her better than anyone had in her life…with the exception of Heero. Duo was like the big brother she had never had, and something, deep inside her didn't mind the idea. But she would brush it away. They were all like brothers after all.  
  
Then she would go and have dinner, and go to bed. This was she schedule she had every day, and nothing much changed. Until one day…  
  
It started off like any other day. She sat at the table, and started eating her breakfast. She was surprised at first that Wufei and Duo weren't in a huge fight, but brushed it off. But soon the silence was unbearable. Everyone was just sitting at the table, looking at her, and not saying anything!  
  
She was determined to let this play itself out, so she sat here and acted like nothing was wrong. It was a good 10 minutes before it was brought to an end.  
  
"Amei. The circus is in town tonight, and I, WE, were wondering if you wanted to go."  
  
Usagi looked at Quatre in shock. She couldn't have been more surprised if she was told that she had a day to leave! But then again, in a sense she would be leaving. Leaving the house that had become her home, and going out into the world. The world full of people she didn't know, or trust. But that would explain everyone's silence. While she hadn't said that she didn't want to leave, she hadn't shown any inclination towards doing so.  
  
"When would we be leaving." Usagi asked Quatre, as he seemed to be the ringleader of this operation. It was difficult to keep her voice from quavering when she spoke, but she masked her fear of the unknown with a skill that she had learned in her pa…she stopped her mind from even going there.  
  
Quatre gave an audible sigh of relief, and the entire table seemed to relax a bit. "Well, the circus starts at 6:00, so I was thinking that we could leave at 5:00, and be there a little early. There's someone I want you to meet."  
  
Usagi just nodded, curious about whom this person could be. And why would anyone want her to meet him or her? But she pushed that thought away for the time being. She had more important things to do; like try to fall back into her routine can calm down.  
  
*  
  
The day sped by sooner than it ever had before. Usagi played her Aria, and talked with Quatre. She had her quick lesson with Wufei, ate her tasteless lunch, and before she knew it she was in the library looking at the clock as it read closer and closer to 5:00. It was 4:56 when she felt a tap on her shoulder, and whipped around. She tired to use a move that Wufei had taught her in such a situation, but the wrist that she was attempting to grab was gone by the time she reached for it.  
  
On her other side she heard someone whispering in her ear. Whoever it was that had tapped her on her left shoulder apparently took quite a bit of pleasure in playing tricks with her, and before she even registered the owner of the voice she knew who it was.  
  
"Amei, it's almost time to go. Quatre has a Limo waiting." Usagi wanted to smack LDuo, and kiss him at the same time. What was he trying to pull exactly! But instead she just gave a slight nod and said. "I'm ready."  
  
**  
  
It was even harder than she thought it would be to step out that door, and into the sunlight beyond it. But Usagi didn't hesitate, and unerringly followed her friends towards the stretch limo. She didn't think they would hurt her, and while she had been wrong before, she had a feeling that she could trust these people, and even in a world without boundaries, they wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Unless of course, she missed a block when Wufei was teaching her, but that was another thing entirely.  
  
The ride was filled with the chatter of Duo trying to strike up a conversation with Quatre and Wufei, and of course a few of the normal threats on Duo's braid or his life. But Usagi didn't pay much attention. She just sat there, and started out he window. The landscape was so filled with green, and plains that just went on forever. How could she have ever been afraid of this? She wondered. It was perfectly harmless. And she did what she had been doing for much of her life lately, and daydreamed of being out in those fields, without a care in the world.  
  
**  
  
OK, I know it wasn't that exciting, AND it wasn't much of a cliffhanger, but I plan on getting to work as soon as I post this, and the sooner I write, and the more you review…the sooner I will have the excitement happen.  
  
I was thinking about having Usagi and Heero meet in the real world in the next chapter. What do you think? I mean if you don't WANT me to, than the best way you can tell me that is to not review, but I would really like to have it happen. I've been planning it for over a year now after all.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have anything you want to say I'd love to hear from you!  
  
Ja ne 


	32. trowa

Authors Notes- OH MY GOSH! I can't believe it, I totally can't believe it! I went out of town about a month ago, right after I updated this chapter, and last thing I knew it had like 4 reviews! I was totally bummed out. And then I just checked my story, and I can't believe the reviews that I got. I was so psyched, because I've had the biggest writers block in the world, and I haven't been able to write for the longest time, and every time I do all that comes out is crap. But just by reading what you people said, it was like the words smashed right through it, and I can write again! Thank you sooooo much!  
  
And in thanks I'm going to do something I have never done before. Right below here I will be writing a response to each person who reviewed, starting from the first.  
  
Samantha- OK OK! Geez, I'm too scared to turn YOU down. Thanks!  
  
Unknown- I'm sorry you've had to wait for so long, but believe me, I've been looking forward to it more than anyone else can imagine, but I have to do other things first.  
  
Cristina (Sailorpluto030@aol.com)- Don't worry about Trowa, I've got him under control. You could say that he's the last piece of the puzzle, and I can't leave him out! And how very observant. I was wondering if anyone would be able to realize that she's not remembering her dreams. It wouldn't work for the whole plot if she realized that Duo was her brother, and everyone else was connected in some other way. And Usagi will be out of that wheelchair in no time, believe me, I hate leaving her in there. I was even tempted to have her walking around just so she wouldn't have to go through it, but it would be so unrealistic, it wouldn't work. And it really sucks that you tore your ligaments, I've never done anything like that, but it must have been horrible!  
  
Dark-moon-Angel (dark-kitty@boxfrog.com)- Well, I've never been told I kick arse before! Thanks!  
  
Darlana (coxg@lrc.edu)- Thanks for the dedication! I'm so happy you haven't given up on me yet! And I'd be more than happy to have them meet.  
  
Sailor Grape- Well, putting it that way, how could I not make the masses happy, I might have a riot on my hands! And I can't say what will happen, but Usagi jumping out of her wheelchair is a possibility.hmmmm what an idea.  
  
the Desert Fox- You're right, it would be really stupid to mention him, and never have him in the future chapters. In fact, I would say it would be a complete waste of time to have him before, and then not have him later.  
  
Anonymous- I don't know how I'm going to pull it off either, why else do you think I have such a huge writers block, if it isn't because just thinking about it makes me sure I have no idea how to do it, and wonder what I'm gonna do.  
  
Kat (star_0704@yahoo.com)- You know, I've never thought about it like that before. But it does make sense doesn't it, that they think I already know. That's really encouraging, THANKS!  
  
AngelFlame- I certainly hope I can do it in this chapter, but it might end up really long for me to be able to fit it in. I hope you have time!  
  
Whitefiremoon- I'll try. But this nasty writers block is slowing things down.  
  
OtAkU- MUH HA HA HA HA! It's always good to know that my evil plan actually did work! Thanks for telling me!  
  
Nada (??????)- Wow! That must have taken you a long time! I'm impressed. THANKS!  
  
Angel of Death (Kawaii_Angel_ofdeath@yahoo.com)- Thanks for the help!  
  
silver_punk- Wow, I really can't let that happen! But thanks for the warning, you really can never tell what someone might take seriously. I once had a girl tell me that my story reminded herself so much of her own life that she was able to put off committing suicide a little longer. The sad thing is that she was completely serious.  
  
Cheska (not signed in) - I know! I can't believe it's finally time either, I just can't wait.  
  
Erika (yutianz@msn.com)- Wow! That's really nice! But no, that isn't Usagi's real past, in fact, nothing in this story is real. It's just the wild imaginings of my crazy mind, and nothing more. But I'm glad you like the way I try to make everything so detailed. That's the most fun about writing this story, trying to imagine myself in their place, and then writing it from the new perspective.  
  
Angela- That's a real nice thing so say, however, I can think up a few people who have talent I can only dream of. I still have a lot of work before I can put myself up with them.  
  
NikkoS.P.-I just love suspense, don't you?  
  
DraconisSenshi- Alright! I'll do it.  
  
Usagi followed Quatre in her wheel-chair along with Duo and Wufei through the huge circus tent. She had no idea what was going on here, and whoever said 'ignorance is bliss' had never blindly followed a friend through clowns, and elephants, and past the tiger cages. She was really beginning to become very edgy. She used to like surprises, but sometime along the line that love had turned to an intense dread of the unknowing, that made her stomach feel like ice with the fear of something she couldn't expect.  
  
Quatre was chattering away about what they were walking by, and her riding through. He was in a very good mood for a reason she didn't understand. Not very surprisingly, Duo was having the time of his life, making faces at the clowns, and otherwise acting like a little child on his first trip to the circus. As for Wufei.it was obvious he had no desire whatsoever to be there, and was glowering at everything that dared to look his way.  
  
And so she went through the excitement of the circus before opening. It was funny how as a child she had always dreamed of doing what she was doing now, but now that she was here, she had a desire to run so intense, that she had to force herself to follow. There were so many faces around her, people she had never met before, and she had no idea who they were. What they wanted, and just if there was anything they wanted to do to her. There was a few times that she noticed that a clown or a woman dressed in a skimpy suit would look strangely at her, taking special notice of her silver hair, and white skin that were so uncommon as to be freakish she knew. She allowed herself a small chuckle. She probably looked more a clown than anyone else in this circus!  
  
She was so lost in her thoughts, that by the time that Quatre finally did stop in front of one clown in particular, that it was Duo that had to grab her sleeve in order to keep her from moving right past them.  
  
Quatre was like a small child that was just offered a sweet. He was positively beaming with excitement, and his eyes shown with a childish delight.  
  
He gestured to the clown in front of them, and for the first time Usagi actually looked at the person that she realized was the real reason that they were here in the first place. 'He must be a friend of Quarto's she thought as she tried to smile at the unfamiliar face.  
  
It was a man, and he was dressed in one of the oddest clown suits she had ever seen. It was all bright jingles, and full of colors, a stark contrast to her. He had one green eye that was looking oddly at her, and his other one was covered by brown bangs. He was very tall, and she had to keep herself from putting her wheel chair in reverse and running from him in fright, and keep that smile on her face, which she was sure looked forced.  
  
Quatre was still watching them with excitement when he said. "Amei, I would like you to meet my friend Trowa, and Trowa; this is the girl I told you about." Usagi felt a stab of fear at the thought of someone talking about her without her knowing what they were saying, but she wasn't able to dwell on it as Trowa had his hand out at her and said. "hi." Usagi looked at his hand with distaste; she never understood the ritual of handshaking. For one thing before she always thought 'why shake hands when you can hug?' and now it was 'how can you actually be expected to touch someone when you've only just met?' she quickly shook it, and then snatched her hand back with a quick. "Hi." And then moved back so she would be sitting next to Duo. She hated her weakness to not even be able to meet someone without being afraid, and just prayed that in time it would pass and she could be almost as open as she once was. Never as naiveté and stupid, and hopefully as open.  
  
She heard a footstep behind her, and whipped around at the sound. Her wheel chair responding like lightning to her desire to know what was behind her. And she made direct eye contact with a girl who had brilliant red hair. She looked almost as surprised as she was, but quickly recovered herself and said. "Hi, my name's Catherine. Who are you?" Usagi had no idea what to say, and so was very relieved when Quatre stepped forward and said. "We're friends of Trowa. I'm Quatre, the man glowering at you is Wufei, the guy with the braid is Duo, and the girl with the silver hair is Amei." Usagi didn't even try to smile as she looked at the woman, wondering who she was and what it was that she wanted. But thankfully she wasn't required to say anything as Catherine nodded, and turned to Trowa. "Trowa, we really need to rehearse for the show for a minute before the opening." And turned and walked away without another word.  
  
Trowa just said "I gotta go.I'll see you after the show." and walked away.  
  
***  
  
Usagi was shocked when she found herself actually enjoying herself. She didn't laugh outright, but a time or two she would smile in appreciation at some trick the clown would do, or hold her breath when the tightrope walker would lose her balance for just a second, and then let it out when she recovered. At some points she almost felt like a little girl for just a second, and then the feeling would vanish like fog on a sunny day. Time flew by as she allowed herself the small freedom of enjoying herself in a strange place, and she didn't think about anything but what was in front of her. All of her old worries and fears were put on hold for just a second, and she had fun.  
  
About an hour into the show, everyone left the stage. She thought for a second that it must be the end when she saw Trowa step out with his friend Catherine. Trowa was rolling a large wooden board, and Catherine was holding about 10 large throwing knifes in her hand. She knew even before they started to set up what they were going to do. This had always been her favorite part at the circus. And when Trowa went to stand in front of the board, and took the ropes and tied his hands up above his head, her breathing began to get quicker.  
  
The Catherine took out one knife, and a flash of silver was all she saw before she saw it imbedded in the wood next to Trowa's head, and then another one appeared on the other side of his head. Two more on either side of his chest, and then two more on either side of his waist. And then four around his legs. Two on the inside and two on the outside. And each knife was close enough to actually catch the clothing. And that was it, they were done. Usagi finally let out the breath she had been holding, and Catherine went to Trowa and pulled the knives out of the wood while Trowa tried not to move. When he was finally freed they both took a step forward, and a deep bow. Everyone stood on their feet to give them a standing ovation, and Usagi being stuck in her wheel chair just clapped extra hard to show her appreciation for the fine performance. And the entire time she was thinking one thing. 'I wonder if I can learn to do that' and picturing a certain black haired baka whom she still loathed on that board, and with a careful aim missed.  
  
And she found herself grinning wolfishly.  
  
***  
  
Lita walked down the street carrying a box of cookies. They were supposed to be having a scout meeting at Rei's house, just to talk about the possibility of future enemies. There hadn't been anything for a long time now, and since Usagi had disappeared there had been absolutely nothing. No one from the Negaverse, no Alan and Ann, it was just quiet.  
  
Lita looked down at the box she was carrying in her hands. At times she didn't even know why she even came to these meetings anymore, let alone always brought enough food to feed an army. It always went uneaten, and no one even ate one of her cupcakes or cookies. They were just there, and they continued to sit there until they became cold, and she threw them in the garbage on the way home.  
  
But it would have felt wrong to not bring all of the food, even if it went uneaten. It was almost like the food wasn't there, it would be another way to acknowledge the fact that Usagi was gone and she was never going to be coming back. That she had been in so much pain that she had killed herself and no one knew until it was too late. And even to this day it was still a mystery as to why. There was some hint in there as to maybe Mamoru had something to do with it, but everyone had instantly dismissed it. Usagi and Mamoru were meant to be together, and there was no way that he would have anything to do with the tragedy. And he was far more heartbroken than any one of them. His future Queen was gone, and the love of his life was forever denied to him. She couldn't even imagine how hard it was for him, and it was a shock that Usagi could kill herself. Especially knowing that Mamoru could never love anyone but her, and she would be sentencing him to a fate some might find worse than death. Living without his true love for the rest of his life. Some even wondered if he would follow Usagi to an early grave, and for the first couple of days after her death they had made sure to watch him carefully just to be sure. Because someone can only have one soul mate and she was his.  
  
There were times that she would be so angry at Usagi that she would want to scream. And sometimes Lita couldn't understand where it would come from. Every one of them had their own way of dealing with the loss. Mina had become obsessed with her career, and hardly thought about anything else. Ami read her books more than ever before, and it was a rarity to see her relax even for a moment. Rei became even more absorbed in the temple, and that had become her life. Lita on the other hand.she sighed. The only things she could do was cook and fight. And so she would spend a period where she tried to cook large meals, and then have no one to feed. And she found that that didn't really work very well to try to dull the pain. Cooking was something that just gave you too much time to think, and it was also something that she so closely associated with Usagi. And usually she would end up throwing all of the food she had put so much thought into cooking into the garbage, and running to the gym. Or sometimes she would go to her punching bag that she had in her bedroom. The she would just beat on herself as she punched and kicked, and worked herself to exhaustion. Sometimes when she was in her bedroom she would just scream, and let out all of her frustration at the world. Her friends for becoming so distant when their link was gone, and most importantly of all...Usagi. She found that she loved the blonde girl far too much to just mourn her and more on. She was so important in her life, and she just didn't know what to think. Sometimes she would feel incredibly depressed, and other times she would suffer from blazing anger. It would consume her, and she battled feeling sorry for Usagi, and being angry with her for leaving her alone. For not coming to her when she needed help. And angry with herself for not noticing that something was wrong. And it wasn't like there weren't clues; it was just that she was so oblivious to them all.  
  
** Flashback **  
  
Lita was in the gym, trying to become stronger so that she would become a better fighter in the battles. Right now she was running on the treadmill and sweat was running down her forehead. She was completely exhausted, but she also didn't let that stop her. She was in that area of her endurance when she was beyond exhaustion, and she just kept right on going. She had found her second wind, and was enjoying the feeling of a hard day of exercise.  
  
She continued on like that for about 10 more minutes when she finally slowed down to a walk, and eventually got off.  
  
She went over to the bench where she was keeping her stuff, and picked up a small towel to wipe her face off with. She heard someone clearing their throat a few steps behind her, and she slowly turned around to see who it was, wondering if some cute guy had seen her working out and wanted her number or anything. 'ya right.dream on.' she thought and smiled as she saw that her mystery friend was Usagi. It was strange to see her in the workout room, but Lita didn't let any surprise show on her face as she smiled at her best friend.  
  
"Hi Usa, it's good to see you!" She said cheerily and saw Usagi give her a large smile in return. 'Now that she thought about it, it didn't seem to be right when Usagi beamed up at her. Almost like a painted dolls face when it smiles, but doesn't seem real.'  
  
Usagi seemed slightly nervous, and she shifted from foot to foot for a few minutes before Lita finally burst out. "Is there something you wanted?"  
  
Usagi jumped about a foot into the air, and then seemed to collect herself. "Ya, Lita.you know how you're such a great fighter and everything, and well.I was wondering if there was any way that you could , maybe, teach me a little so I can protect myself."  
  
Lita looked at Usagi in shock, not sure what to say. Usagi fought with energy attacks, and used her superhuman strength when she was transformed to fight. She didn't need to know anything about boxing. Lita considered it for a while, and finally came to a decision.  
  
"Usagi, I know that you don't have the time to learn to fight because of all the time you spend with Mamoru and everything else you do. And I can understand how you might be nervous, but there haven't been any attacks lately, and I don't think you have anything to worry about. And besides, I'll protect you. So will everyone else and you know that." Lita was so sure she said the right thing, and waited for Usagi to put her fears to rest and go back to the arcade or something she would actually like to do.  
  
Usagi looked uncertain, as if she wasn't sure what to say, but Lita knew that she had done the right thing and Usagi was looking for an easy exit that didn't make her seem foolish . Lita just smiled and nodded, and Usagi finally mumbled.  
  
"Well.if you're sure about this, and there's no way you will say yes. I guess I'll go home and..yes, I'll eat. That sounds good. Well Lita, thanks for everything, and I hope to see you really soon." Usagi then whipped around and practically ran out of the room.  
  
** End Flashback **  
  
Lita felt something moist on her cheeks, and wasn't very surprised to see that she had been crying. It wasn't uncommon when she was thinking about Usagi. But the memory was so vivid, and she could still see the expressions on Usagi's face when they were talking on that day that had never been important to her before. But now that she thought about it seriously, she should have known that something was wrong. What she had just shrugged off as inconsequential very well might be a clue as to what was wrong with Usagi. And the look in Usagi's eyes when she had said no.it was something that had never seen there before. It wasn't gratitude, and it wasn't happiness. It was an overwhelming fear, a fear of a hope gone.  
  
Lita started to run faster and faster towards the temple, letting the tears flow off of her cheeks as she ran and her hair whipped behind her in the wind that her momentum she created. It was all so clear now, and she wanted to scream for not seeing it before. Something had been wrong with more long before she had met her end, and the one time that she had asked Lita for help, she hadn't even seen it. She had been blind to her friends' emotions, and in the end it had killed her. It wasn't Usagi's fault that she was dead and gone.it was all her fault for not being there when her friend needed her. And when she said that she would protect Usagi from harm.she was just lying to the girl that needed her.  
  
Finally her legs began to ache, and the pain didn't go away. With a scream loud enough to wake the dead, she threw the box of cookies into the distance, not even looking to see where it landed. But she heard the smash in the distance, sounding just like the smashing of all of her hopes, and her friends' dreams.  
  
***  
  
Usagi lay down on her bed, looking at the ceiling.thinking. Trowa had moved in with them after the performance. He gave some vague excuse about wanting a break from the excitement, but he hadn't been very specific. He hadn't said much at all as a matter of fact. And she wasn't quite sure what to think about the new addition. Sure, she had gotten used to new people before, but it was like his arriving interrupted the safe life she had made for herself. The routine that she had spent so much time around suddenly spun out of control, and she didn't know what to do about it.  
  
Because she couldn't continue on as she had been with another person in the house. It just didn't seem right. Like she should try to do something with him as well, so there won't be a possible enemy that she doesn't know about. That was her new philosophy in life. Know your enemy. As long as she was on friendly terms with everyone in the house, than no one would be able to hurt her without her having some sort of warning first.  
  
But she shoved that into the back of her mind for later. There was something much more important that she needed to do. As she had been studying all that Wufei taught her, and thinking about all that she had known about physical fighting in her previous life.she had come to a decision. That was that there was no way she could stay with these people forever, and once she was gone she would need to defend herself. And there was no way that she could do that just by having knowledge in her head. She would need to practice if she was ever able to be any good. And while she couldn't do that with Wufei, or while any of the other people who were sure she was crippled for life was in the room, she could still do it by herself.  
  
It had taken a long time to come to this decision, mainly for fear of being caught. Usagi was sure that sometime along the line while she was doing push-ups or something that Quatre would walk into the room, or that if she was doing a particularly loud activity, the boys would get worried and come and see what the matter was. But most of all she was scared about the rejection she would get if they saw her body changing (as she knew it would) and as she would come stronger.  
  
Quatre, Duo, and Wufei were all nice guys, and she respected them. She had also come to rely on the friendship they gave her more than she cared to admit. And the thought of losing it and being all alone in the world seemed dreadful to her. It would be like her losing the friends she had before when she left her life, and she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to handle that kind of pain again. She still lived with the knowledge of all of the lies, and the deceit from before. The dreadful knowledge that in another world were people who loved her and thought that she was dead, and there was nothing she could do about it without giving up the life she now led. Without going back to the life that she had nearly killed her. Because there was no way that she would ever be able to handle those situations again. She still couldn't believe she had held out as long she did. With only half of a soul, and a constant desire to end the life that tormented her.  
  
No, she was here to stay, and if it the situation got to be unbearable, she could always leave again.  
  
But for now she brushed those thoughts out of her mind, and climbed out of her wheelchair. Moving slowly, because she hadn't done this in a long time she got down on her hands and knees and started attempting to do push-ups.  
  
***  
  
Dr. J looked out of the observation window at the boy who was his pupil.his weapon.  
  
Heero was sitting with his back against the wall, with his chin resting on his knees. He had this almost dreamlike look on his face, and a slight smile curving his lips.  
  
Dr. J snarled in frustration.  
  
He had spent so much time, money, and effort on creating his perfect weapon. An emotionless soldier, who followed orders without thought. Almost like a robot but with the ability to think and act like a human did. And he was so sure he succeeded as well. It had all been going according to plan. Heero was a Gundam Pilot, and he had done what no one had ever thought remotely possible. All of the other Dr's had second rate pilots in his opinion. Civilians who were in this war for their own reasons, and didn't depend solely on them. Unreliable at best, and able to turn at a thought. And oh how he had gloated, and had been proud of his accomplishment.  
  
And then.this happened. His whole project had come crashing down, and the worst part was he didn't have the slightest clue why! It was like the boy he had known was gone, and replaced by something completely different. His soldier didn't respond to anything he did or said. He ate sparingly, and didn't seem to even taste the food, and ate it only to stay alive. Finally he had decided that seclusion was the only option, and that living without even the slightest speck of light would draw him out of his state. After all, a human would surely go crazy being stuck in the dark that long, and wouldn't be able to handle it.  
  
But Heero had seemed more at home in the blackness than Dr. J had ever seen him. He almost seemed to melt in with it, and since his seclusion, all action had basically ceased. He just dreamed his own dreams, and did things Dr. J couldn't even begin to imagine in his head.  
  
Dr. J couldn't stand to look at the sad site any longer, and turned away in disgust. He would do something about the problem soon, or soon Heero would finally break. He would give the boy a month to go back to himself, and then he would have to take drastic measures.he shuddered at the thought.  
  
***  
  
Trowa held a knife in his hand, thinking. And while his mind was deeply absorbed in his thoughts he twirled it through his fingers in complex patterns without even looking.  
  
And he was thinking about Amei.  
  
Quatre had mentioned a girl that they had found and taken care of, but he hadn't been very descriptive. He had mentioned that she was crippled, and went everywhere in a wheel-chair, but he had never said anything about her bizarre appearance.  
  
He never said that she looked like an angel, with her silver hair, and white skin. And he had never aid a thing about those eyes. The eyes that were almost black, with specks that made him think of a starry night. And he never expected for her to be so.so cold. Like she didn't want anything to do with the world, and blocked everything else out. But he had seen one thing that she didn't know about. He had glanced over, and seen the look of fascination on her face when Catherine was doing her knife throwing. And he had seen the naked desire there. The same desire he had when he was just a kid.the desire for knowledge.  
  
But it was the fact that she reminded him so much of himself when he saw her. Her shuttered face looked so much like his own, and the pain in those eyes were almost a mirror of that pain he saw in his eyes every morning. And for some reason he just felt the strangest urge to remove some of that pain from her eyes. And to see her entire face light up like he felt it should always be.  
  
It was beyond a doubt one of the odd feelings he ever had before. It was almost like he knew her, even though it was impossible, and she was a piece of the life he had been trying to piece together from his scattered memories. And when he was still suffering from amnesia, he would sometimes have dreams of a girl with golden hair that he had been so sure was his past, but now knew couldn't be. And Amei reminded him so much of her.  
  
There was no doubt about the fact that someway, somehow she was important in his life. He knew it as surely as he knew that he was sitting there. And he had an idea as to how to find out why.  
  
**  
  
Heero leaned his head against the wall, and sighed. Somehow he had never thought coming back to the real world would be like this. At first sight he had seen everything beautiful he couldn't remember seeing before.at least not for real. But ever since he had come 'home' he had been poked and probed, and then been surrounded by blackness. He was sure it was an attempt to break him. To force him into once more becoming what they think he once was. But really.he didn't see the point. They would never believe the truth, and only call him, and his life nothing more than a crazed dream. And they would say that Usagi is only made up, and she was never real. And that was one thing he was sure he couldn't stand to hear, so what would be the point in telling anyone. He just allowed the blackness to consume him, and in it he found a comfort he had never imagined would be there. It was like a home he never had, and he allowed his mind to drift and to dream. As he pictured himself in a place far from here, with a woman who was forever out of his reach. And he refused to think about anything else, because when he did.he didn't think he could cope.  
  
**  
  
Usagi sat in at a table in Quatre's immense library. Right now she was currently studying the ideology of evolution. The idea was just so bizarre. How could they possibly be the descendants of monkeys? It was such a strange thought, that she wanted to laugh at the idea. Sure, she had seen them in zoos and such, but to think that one of those large hairy apes could be her great-grandfather made her want to laugh aloud!  
  
The sound of footsteps behind her made her smile for a second before she turned, sure that Duo had come in for a visit, and he always managed to cheer her up. But when she saw the man who was in front of her the smile fell off of her lips, and she was left with nothing to say.  
  
**  
  
Trowas heart fell when he saw the smile of greeting that Usagi gave him leave her face when she actually saw who he was. It was crazy, but for just an instant he had thought she had been glad to see him, and the mere thought made him feel so.it was a feeling hard to describe. It was like a warm feeling that started in his heart and spread to fill his whole body. But when her face turned expressionless, his body turned cold.  
  
Trowa shrugged those wild feelings away so he could concentrate. He was here for a reason, and he might as well do what he came here to do. He needed to find out how she fit into his life, and the only way he could see to do that was to get close to her. And as strange as it was.he tried to sound welcoming as he spoke his proposal in as few words as possible.  
  
**  
  
Usagi stared in shock at Trowa, as she thought over what he had said. It just seemed to be so unlike him, and so totally unexpected. But how on earth could she say know. She had started wanted to learn knife tricks when she had first seen them at the circus, but had never thought it possible. And now here this almost stranger comes up to her out of the blue, and offers to teach her.  
  
But it was just the opportunity she had been looking for to get closer to Trowa so he wouldn't be a danger to her, and despite herself she found her head nodding, and her lips moving to say. "Alright, if you want to teach me I'm sure I could learn. At least it's something I can do in this vile chair."  
  
**  
  
Trowa tried to keep the smile off his lips as he said. "Ok, we can start tomorrow with little sticks I own to practice with."  
  
And turned around and walked away.  
  
**  
  
Now, this is the end of this PART of this chapter. I'm sorry everyone, I was really hoping that I would get Heero to meet Usagi in the real world right now, but I promised I would have them meet in this chapter so I guess I'll have to split it into 2 parts. It just wasn't possible. I have to have over a month before I can have them meet, and I just can't do that in a paragraph, and if you ever check you will see that this chapter is 10 pages long, and over 6,000 words, which is by far the longest I've ever written. But now I can solidly promise that they WILL meet in the next chapter, and the climax I've been planning for over a year now will finally be done.  
  
So I'll have it out really soon, and I can't wait to read your comments in your reviews!  
  
Or seriously, you can feel free to email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com for anything you have to say. I just love to talk, so anything is more than welcome.  
  
Ja ne! Siren 


	33. Heero+Usagi

Authors Notes-  
  
Hello everyone! It's finally here. It took me about 5 hours, and a year of planning but it's finally here for your reading enjoyment. I sincerely hope that you enjoy it, and I poured my heart and soul into it so if you don't like it I will be crushed.  
  
"make Heero and Usa meet," was the most common review, and for reasons obvious here, I haven't been able to do it until now.  
  
So enjoy.  
  
And PLEASE! Don't make this a waste of time for me. Review and tell me if it was or wasn't.  
  
***  
  
Usagi twirled the small knife through her fingers. Under the pointer finger, and then over her ring finger, and then through again in complex patterns she never would have dreamed she could do before. Her fingers were already so nimble from playing the 'harp' as was closest to the Aria that she could find, and so in only 2 weeks she had progressed rapidly. And in the process, she had gotten to know Trowa a little better, but he was still the silent one, and said as few words as possible.  
  
But it was his attitude towards her that surprised her the most. It was almost like she would have once treated a lost and abused puppy, and she felt that he had some idea what she had been though. Or at least he had a clue as to the pain that she felt. And he tried to bring her out of her shell, but not so much to laugh as Duo. And he wasn't as friendly as Quatre, and he wasn't as gruff, but at the same time grudgingly accepting as Wufei. His presence was like a healing balm over old wounds, and just being around someone who was so much like her made her open up herself more than she would ever have believed to possible. And so she enjoyed her time with Trowa along with the rest of her day.  
  
And the days continued to fly by, with nothing really interesting happening. Slowly she would progress with Quatres lessons on the piano and the flute, and she continued to diligently play her Aria, and in the quiet of her room, sing her soul. Sing the pain, and with the singing it would lessen. And her and Quatre became closer, with his quiet kindness, and his accepting love of anything she had to offer. Once she was sure she could have easily fallen for Quatre, as he was the opposite of everything that Mamoru was, and all that he represented. Sometimes they would talk about philosophy, and he would talk about the world as it used to be before the world. And he had the most hilarious stories to tell about his sisters! He had like 29 sisters, and I can only imagine what kind of torture it would be to be in that kind of environment! But it was also great because he loved his sisters so much, and there was a bond there that reminded her so much of her family, and sometimes late at night, she would dream of what she would say, and do if she went home to her family, and as the days flew by, the ache in her heart for her friends, and especially her brat brother grew stronger, and every night, she would shed one more tear.  
  
Wufei continued to teach her what he could about self-defense, and even how she could use her wheel chair to her advantage. It was much faster than anyone could run if she wanted to do that, but he also taught her tricks to use the wheels to flip someone over her, and other things like that. He also taught her the essence of sword fighting, and even though with him all she could do was the arm movements, it was still quite an experience, and she learned so much. And she would watch his feet as he taught her, and then alone in her room she would get up and practice until she collapsed in her bed. And he would also teach her other sorts of martial arts, and even though sometimes when she looked at him she would seen that he didn't know why he was doing this, he never gave up on her. And their quiet friendship continued to develop, and he reminded her so much of her friend Rei that she couldn't help but get close to him, even as she tried to distance herself.  
  
Duo was the strangest of all. He was so kind to her, and he still saw it as his personal job to make her laugh, and he was like her protector against the problems of the world. With him all of them just seemed to vanish, and it was just them together. Talking and laughing even sometimes. Duo would also sometimes to go the library and get some adventure stories, and when she was so tired from her hard day he would read to her until she finally couldn't stay awake anymore and fell into the world of dreams. And that was how she came to see a new side of Duo that no one had ever seen before. A caring side that would do anything to help her just a little bit. And she was left to constantly wonder why it was that he was so kind to her, and why he spent so much of his time to make her happy. She found herself coming closer to him than she ever had been to a friend before (and his isn't like hero, theirs was a different kind of love altogether) and when she was the most depressed about being away from home, Duo would be there to cheer her up, and take a load off for a little while.  
  
So the days flew by, and blended together into the complex pattern that was her life. And she knew that there was no way that it could get better than it was now, and wished with all her heart that things would never change, and her life would go on like this forever.even though deep down, in a place she didn't want to look she knew that would never be possible.  
  
*** In a dark room, voices spoke to one another.  
  
1: I don't see the problem, so he's not doing anything. Maybe he's just going through an episode. He'll be over it in no time. 2: I don't think you're right Dr. S. I have a feeling that this is a little more permanent than you think it is. It is best to get him out of the picture all together. We can always find someone to take his place, but he already jeopardized one mission. We can't trust him as he is right now. 3: I don't think you're right there, Dr J. I'm sure if he was put into a familiar environment, he would be just fine. Something traumatic happened to him, and he just needs to be around places and people who are familiar, and he will go back to himself.  
  
Dr. J looked at doctor T (I'm sorry, I'm just using letters) could he be serious? But all of the doctors he was with all agreed with one thing. They didn't think he should go through with his plan to kill Heero when he feels the time is right. They had been arguing for hours and they all seemed united for one of the first times he had ever seen them. United against him. And it was Dr. M that insisted that he should go somewhere familiar so he could go back to himself. And they all insisted that the environment he was in right now wasn't exactly conductive of getting back to normal. And then Dr. P insisted that he should get together with the other Gundam Pilots (they were all insane) because soon their talking about their cause, and just being themselves would force him to go back to the way that he once was. And the worst part was that soon he was finding himself slowly agreeing him, and his resolve began to fade. It was so simple, he would just put him back into an old environment, and soon surely he would have his perfect soldier back to the way that he was before. If nothing else it was worth a try, and it was better than killing the boy.  
  
After day turned to night, and he had been thinking about it for hours he finally made a decision. He would need to go and inform Heero of the situation. After all, he would be leaving within the end of the week.  
  
***  
  
Heero listened as Dr. J's voice echoed through his small room, and tried to seem interested. This was a most interesting change in plans. And he tried to seem excited. After all he was going to be with his friends.his friends.who he had never met before.  
  
He had no idea why Dr. J had come to this decision, and he had mixed feelings about it. He would be glad to get out and see more of the world, but he also knew that the cunning Dr surely had a reason for everything he did, and this would hardly be a different situation.  
  
And he also knew that as much as he might not want to, he would probably give himself away. After all, he didn't have very much experience with people, and these were people who already knew 'him' as he was! How was he supposed to act anyway?  
  
He had a vague idea of how he was before. After all, how can a body without a soul have any emotion? So in order to stay alive to find Usagi, would have to be like that? Would have to act as he had never acted before?  
  
One thing was sure, he wasn't ever going to let anyone take him back here.although it was nice and all, there was so much of the world that he wanted to see with his own eyes. To touch with his own hands, and to smell with his own nose. He had briefly glimpsed what was out there, and then it had all been taken away from him, and he was left once more with dreams. And although dreams are all well and good.he ha discovered there was something more, and he knew that simple dreams would never be enough again.  
  
***  
  
Duo was quiet, Wufei wasn't angry, Quatre was withdrawn and Trowa's small smile had disappeared from his face. Everything shouted that something was wrong, yet not one of them would tell her what was going on. They went through their day in a strange silence, and they seemed to try to do everything as they had been doing for so long. But there were subtle differences that something was wrong. Quatre didn't become absorbed in his music, and there was once that Usagi could have sworn that he had missed a note. Wufei seemed more edgy, and when she didn't hold her defensive position as strong as she should have when they were playing their 'mock battles' with the swords, he didn't take the advantage. Trowa seemed even more rigid and silent than she had ever seen him when they were alone. During their lessons he always opened up a little more than when they were together as a group. Today nothing could break him out of his shell. And duo also seemed distracted. His laughter seemed forced, and sometimes his eyes would wander.  
  
And the worst part was she didn't have a clue why! Sure she had secrets of her own, but yesterday they had this private meeting, and when they came out again they weren't the same. She didn't want to ask what was said, because if they had wanted her to know, they would tell her themselves. And tomorrow would be her 4-month anniversary of being here with them. And a feeling of dread wouldn't go away.  
  
***  
  
Sonya paced the small room that she had been living in for the past four months. For a while after Amei began healing, she wondered if Quatre would decide there was no need for her anymore and just get rid of her. But the truth of the matter was that everyone seemed to forget about her. Not that she minded really, it was better for a spy to be unseen and unnoticed. And it wasn't so bad either. But as she lived there, she didn't see anything that might clue them into as being the Gundam pilots. She was even getting ready to leave. But then just an hour ago Oz had sent her her first, and last real mission.  
  
She didn't see the point of it happening now, but she knew that there must be a reason. Why else would they want her to do anything? After all, they were all knowing. They knew what they were doing, and she was just an ignorant soldier. She didn't have a choice in the matter, and she would have to do it. She had never killed before, and she couldn't help wonder if she would manage to do it. And what it would feel like to be responsible for someone else's death. But then, she wouldn't have time to think about it for very long. After all, she wouldn't live very long.  
  
***  
  
Usagi yawned, and stretched on her bed. As much as she hated to leave the comfortable covers, and the warmth of a warm bed she needed to do this. That was what she told herself every morning as she got up for her exercises. After all, it was the only time during the day that she was perfectly alone, and no one else was up, so she didn't have anything to worry about.  
  
She slid out of bed, and into her small black slippers to protect them from the bite of the fall chill.  
  
The she started to stretch, in order to limber up her body for her exercises. First one leg, and then the other. It had been hard to build the muscles in her legs back to what they used to be simply by exercising them in the morning, as she couldn't do anything with them throughout the day. She couldn't walk, or run. And when she finally left this place (which was something she still put off thinking about) she would want to leave this vile chair and walk on her own without her legs giving out from under her.  
  
61-62-63- Usagi was in the middle of her sit-ups she heard a loud knocking on her door. Before her mind could react her body was already in motion. She grabbed her towel, and wiped the sweat off of her face. Then she took a few deep quiet breaths, and sat down in her chair.  
  
"In a minute" She shouted, and then wheeled over to the door. She took a second to take her composure. No one had ever interrupted here exercises before, and she was scared to death that some one had heard her moving around and had come to check up on her.  
  
She pulled the door open, and came face to face with.Wufei? What the heck was he doing outside her door this early in the morning! She let a little of the surprise stay on her face as she faked a yawn, and sleepily said. "Mornin Wufei. Was there something you wanted?"  
  
Wufei was smoothness in itself as he said. "I was just coming to let you know that breakfast is ready early, so you can come and get it when it's still hot onna." The look on his face spoke that it was a great injustice in his opinion that he had come and done something so below him, so she didn't bother him with questions. So she just said. "Thanks for telling me! I'll be down in a minute."  
  
Wufei just nodded, and when he left she closed the door. "That was weird." She said to herself when she was once again alone. "I wonder what this is all about."  
  
***  
  
Duo fidgeted in his chosen place next to the light, but behind the door. They had been planning this for weeks now, and it all had to go perfectly. It had been his idea at first to give Amei a surprise party, and he had been really surprised when everyone had agreed to go along with it. Wufei especially had shocked him by agreeing to not only go along with it, but he had helped too. They had all gotten involved to whole-heartily that Duo couldn't help but wonder what Amei was doing to all of them.  
  
The faint buzzing caught their trained attentions before she was even close to the door. Quickly they all got ready. She opened the door, and Duo flipped on the switch. Then they all jumped out of their hiding places, and shouted "SURPRISE!!!"  
  
***  
  
Usagi nearly jumped out of her chair in surprise, but she was able to contain herself just in time to see what was going on. And when she saw it, she couldn't believe what she was seeing!  
  
All of them were there, Duo was grinning bigger than she had ever seen, and Quatre was smiling his sweet excited smile. Trowa seemed pleased with himself too, and Wufei was actually smiling! A small little smile was the first she had ever seen on his face.  
  
Duo rushed over, and got down on his knees in front of her so they could be eye to eye. Then he gave her a big hug.  
  
Her eyes grew round in shock at the physical contact, but she managed to relax herself enough to give a small one back. Then she gasped out. "What is this anyway you guys? You all nearly gave me a heart attack!"  
  
Duo stood up and took a step back. He seemed sheepish. "Well Amei.it's just that it's your 4th month anniversary of being with us, and we all" he took a minute to look around at the whole group, "thought that it would be a good idea to give you a party. After all, we haven't done anything fun like this since you've been here, and it's about time!" Duo looked very pleased with himself.  
  
"That's right Mi- I mean Amei. We weren't sure when your birthday was, so we just figured that we could give you a birthday/anniversary party today." He looked at her as if he wanted to make sure that his actions were the right ones, and she wasn't mad at him.  
  
Usagi couldn't help herself, and tears started to stream down her face. Small sobs racked her small body, as she looked around at these people who took her in. These people who became her.her friends. She never was given a surprise birthday party before, and never by people she had known for such a short time.  
  
Quatre looked stricken, and Duo looked like he wanted to come over and wipe the tears away. Wufei and Trowa both had emotionless masks on, and she couldn't tell what they were thinking.  
  
Finally she had her composure enough to talk once again. "I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to cry. It's just that.it's just that no ones ever done anything this nice for be before, and I.and I." She was at a loss of words as she once again broke out into tears.  
  
Wufei's expressionless face had left, and the smile was back. But his words didn't match the look on his face. "Oh come on onna, stop your foolish tears." Then he mumbled something along the lines of ' stupid onnas with their feminine emotions.'  
  
Then everyone came over to her, and the day progressed into one of the best days of her life. It started with a huge breakfast, and she was the 'guest of honor'. Everyone was more open than she had ever seen them, and they were all just teenagers having fun for the first time she had ever seen them.  
  
It was unlike any party she had ever been at before. They just talked and laughed, and she had an overall great time!  
  
After breakfast was over, Duo suggested on of the most ridiculous games in her dimension, and this one. Charades.  
  
Wufei wouldn't shut up about the injustice of playing such foolish and childish games, but when Duo said that he could not play if he liked, and he could just go to the library and read, Wufei had reluctantly agreed.  
  
They all went into the living room and everyone but her and Duo sat down on either the couch, or the chairs scattered around the room.  
  
"All right everyone, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back in just a minute." Then he left. Usagi sighed and looked at Wufei. "Well Wufei, are you ready for this? I'll have you know I was a pro charade player back at home, and I'll blow you out of the water!"  
  
Wufei's competitive streak broke through his reluctance to play this game, as she knew it was. "Are you kidding? I'll take you anytime, anywhere onna."  
  
Usagi smirked, and Wufei continued to glare at her. "I'll bet you, that I'll be able to answer more clues then you."  
  
Wufei still glared at her. "You're on, but what do you want to bet?"  
  
Usagi thought for a second. "Well.if you win I'll be your slave for a day, and if I win, you'll be mine."  
  
"Really guys, there isn't any need for such competitive feelings. After all, it's just a fun game." Quatre butted in. Usagi turned and pouted at him. "Really Quatre, we're just playing around. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of friendly competition. After all, like you said it's all in good fun."  
  
Quatre sighed but he didn't have anything to say. Usagi looked, and saw as Trowa smirked. She raised an eyebrow at him, but otherwise didn't say anything.  
  
When Duo finally came back, he was practically jumping in excitement. He walked over to stand in front of them, and casually asked. "OK, who's first?" He waited for a minute before finally answering his own question with. "Well, Trowa, you hardly ever talk anyway, so this really shouldn't be a problem for you."  
  
Trowa looked like he was about to protest, but he gave in and got out of his large green chair to stand in front of Duo. Duo pulled out his black top hat with a flourish, and Trowa pulled out a small piece of paper. Then he walked out in front of them and opened it up.  
  
All of the color drained out of his face and he looked at Duo as if he was crazy. Duo laughed evilly, and said. "All right everyone. I'll give you one clue. These are all famous Disney characters."  
  
Trowa looked lost for a minute, but finally he started making hand movements. First he put one hand in front of him, and tried to make it look like he was staring into a mirror. He turned it from side to side as if he was checking himself out. Then he mimicked biting into an apple-  
  
"Snow White!" Usagi shouted, and Trowa nodded his head. Wufei glared at her, and Usagi stuck out her tongue.  
  
"Very nice Amei, since you got it right you get to choose who goes next." Duo said for the entire world like he was a game-show host.  
  
"Well," Usagi thought for a minute before finally saying, " I guess I choose Wufei."  
  
Wufei didn't even look at her as he walked calmly over to Duo and pulled out a piece of paper.  
  
He opened it right away, and when he read it like unto Trowa all of the color drained from his face, and then he turned bright red.  
  
"This is injustice that I would get this name. I demand a chance to draw again." He shouted glaring now at Duo.  
  
Duo smirked and answered. "That wouldn't be fair, but if you really don't want to do it I suppose you could always.quit."  
  
Wufei didn't say anything, but instead stalked out into Trowas place. Then he tried to wipe the scowl off of his face, as he tried to smile. Then he started twirling around, and when no one got the picture, he tried to mimic sewing. That still didn't clue anyone in, he lifted his pointer finger in front of his face, and moved his lips as if he was singing.  
  
By then Usagi was laughing so hard that it was difficult to breathe. She had NEVER in her entire life even dreamed that Wufei would make such a fool out of himself, but it was either that or quit, which he would never do. Usagi had a good guess as to who he was supposed to be, but had kept her mouth shut so she could watch Wufei. Finally she couldn't stand to see him like this anymore, and she shouted. "Ci-cinderella!"  
  
Wufei nearly collapsed in relief, and Duo couldn't hold it in anymore and he burst out laughing.  
  
The game continued like that until everyone had gone at least once, and Usagi had 7 points, and Wufei had a remarkable 1. Duo had 3, and Quatre and Trowa were tied with 2 each.  
  
Quatre was the one to break into the game by saying. "I think that we're all ready for something different. How about we all, you know what." He said looking knowingly at his friends.  
  
Wufei didn't want to give in, that was plain on his face, but he didn't want to play anymore either. "All right, but this isn't over with. We'll finish this later." He said looking threateningly at Usagi. She just smiled at him.  
  
"We'll be right back Amei." Quatre said to her.  
  
Duo's smile could have broken his face as he said. "Meanwhile, close your eyes until I tell you that you can open them."  
  
Usagi's curiosity was nearly killing her, but she merely nodded, and closed her eyes. It was about 5 minutes before she finally heard Duo tell her. "All right Amei, you can open them now."  
  
And they were all there, sitting back in their seats. But there was one thing that was different. They all had a large box in their hands! Once more she was nearly overcome, but managed to keep her composure. Why had they gotten her presents? What had she ever done for them to deserve all of this?  
  
By some unspoken signal, Trowa came to stand in front of her first. He was holding a medium sized box in his hands, wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper. "I hope you like it" was all he said before going back to his seat and sitting down. Then he waited expectantly for her to open it.  
  
But Usagi wasn't there anymore. She was in another place, a long time ago. She was in an apartment, and there was a tall black haired man with her. And she was holding another box in her hands. A box she knew so well.a first aid kit.  
  
Quickly she willed those images away, and turned to smile at Trowa. She couldn't let fear ruin her life, and these were her friends. They would never hurt her like Mamoru had. Even though he was supposed to be her soul mate. Quickly she ripped the offensive paper away, after that day she couldn't stand pink, and held in her hands a white cardboard box. Slowly she lifted the lid.  
  
And was staring at 6 of the most beautiful knifes she had ever seen in her life. They were assorted sizes, but they were all worked silver that simply shone. And they had worked silver handles, which made it look like a dragon striking, the head at the hilt and the blade was the tail. And they had small emerald eyes.  
  
"They're beautiful" she gasped out at Trowa, and she was nearly overcome. With them was a small note, and black leather. She wasn't sure what the leather was, so she picked up the note and read it. It said.  
  
Dear Amei,  
  
I don't know much about you, or your past. But I do know that at one time you were hurt. Enclosed are small striking dragons, as you are, and as I see you. The leather are small sheathes that you can place the knives in, and hide under your clothing. I hope that you can use these to protect you wherever you are going, and I hope that you will always be safe.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Trowa  
  
Usagi lifted up the small sheathes, and looked at them. On each one was attached a small piece of paper describing where it was supposed to be placed, her ankles, her wrists, or on her hip.  
  
"Thank you Trowa, thank you so much." She said, and Trowa smiled and looked away. She could have sworn there was a small blush on his cheeks.  
  
"Uh-Un" Wufei cleared his throat and said. "I guess I'm next." He then took the long package in his hands, and walked over to Usagi. He reverently handed it in her hands and said. "You have earned this, and I hope that one day you will be able to break free of the bonds the hold you. Meanwhile it is a symbol of our friendship." He stood there, and watched as she ripped the brown paper off the package.  
  
It was a good thing that she was careful because in her hands was a large rapier. A long, thin sword. It was worked metal, not really silver because it gleamed much brighter than she had ever seen it. When she looked at the hilt she heard Wufei begin to talk.  
  
"Many people call me the Dragon, a term that I was given when I was a child and I've carried with me throughout my life. I don't remember how I earned it, only that I did something to earn the respect of my family. And when I see you, I see just as Trowa sees a striking Dragon. Someone fierce, yet as the legends tell it wise and gentle. Which is why I felt that you earned the name of Dragon."  
  
Usagi looked at Wufei in shock. She had never heard him speak like his before. Then she looked back at the hilt. It was worked into the shape of a beautiful Dragon. Much like the knives, but it had small Rubies in its eyes. She lifted it up in her hand, and was amazed at the balance. It was surprisingly light, and despite the shape of the handle it held well in her hand. She whipped it around and couldn't hold in a shout of glee as she saw the gracefulness of the movements.  
  
"Thank you Wufei, I'm honored." Was all she said, and was serious as she said it. He saw this as an honor on her part, and she would treat it as such.  
  
She heard Quatre start to move, and immediately turned around to see him. He had a smaller package in his hands, and quietly he handed it to her. He smiled his sweet smile, and said. "I hope you will continue to fill your life with such beautiful music." And then he turned and sat down without another word. She opened the small package, and inside found one of the strangest instruments that she had ever seen in her life. She turned to look questioningly at Quatre.  
  
"I found them in a small corner of the music room, and as soon as I saw them I knew they were for you. They're sea pipes, and when you play them correctly, it sounds like the ocean."  
  
She couldn't contain her glee as she lifted it up to her lips and blew into one of the holes. She blew not C pure and clear, and when she lifted it from her lips she laughed in surprise. "Thank you Quatre, they're absolutely wonderful! I can't wait to learn how to play!"  
  
"Your welcome M-Amei." He said, and blushed such a dark red that she almost rushed to his side to see if he was all right.  
  
But Duo was already on her. "My Turn, My Turn! He shouted like a little child, and Usagi laughed aloud. He fell down on one knee as if he was proposing, and held out a small black box.  
  
Usagi nearly wanted to cry. He couldn't be proposing, could he? She hoped not, after all, he heart was already taken and she didn't want to break his. But he didn't say anything, and she reluctantly opened the velvet box.  
  
Inside was a delicate necklace, so delicate she feared if she so much as touched it, it would fall apart. In the lid in an elaborate handwriting was written Amei. "Oh Duo," she gasped out as she removed it from the box. He was looking at her nervously. "It's a locket." He said while still looking at her.  
  
She opened it, and inside the magic was broken. It wasn't empty, and it wasn't a picture. There was just a heart shaped silver chip fitted into one of the slots. "What the heck is this?" She asked, not sure at all what to make of it.  
  
Duo was fidgeting in excitement, and he tried to hold it is as he said. "It's a holograph chip, just push it." Usagi wasn't sure what to expect, and so she gently pushed it, and snatched her hand back. But she was starting at the image in front of her. A miniature version of her with all of the boys standing together in front of her caught her eye. She could see every detail of them, and they were so perfect as they hovered over the locket in front of her eyes. "Oh my gosh.." She said, and reverently put the small silver necklace around her neck.  
  
Wufei was looking at it too, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "When was this taken?" He asked suspiciously. "I don't remember ever posing for a picture.  
  
Duo winked at him. "Well, that 's just my little secret then is-" A knocking on the door interrupted his sentence, and Duo took this chance to shout, "I'll get it!" and turn to run away.  
  
He made it as far as the door when a shadow stepped out in front of him. Usagi barely made out Sonya when she heard her say. "No you won't." And shot Duo squarely in the chest.  
  
Usagi's world exploded at the sound of the gunshot, and then the loud shot after it that left Sonya on the ground. But she only saw these things in a half daze as she jumped out of her wheel chair, and started running towards Duo. She wouldn't lose him; she couldn't lose one she loved. Not again. When she finally reached him she kneeled down by his side. He was already fading. His eyes were glazed as he looked at her and said. "Amei.what are you doing?" But he faded too quickly to say anything else. But Usagi wasn't going to let him go not that easily. She placed both hands over his heart, and the wound that was still pumping blood. She closed her eyes and reached deep into herself.  
  
***  
  
Quatre couldn't believe what he was seeing. Everything had been going to so well, the day had been full of fun, and they had just given Amei their presents. It had all been going wonderfully, and the day had gone crazy. His mind was still catching up with it, and it was rejecting what his eyes had just seen. Duo shot, Wufei had already shot Sonya, and then what could be the most shocking thing of all. Little Amei, cursed to spend the rest of her life in a wheel chair had not only walked, but she had RUN to Duo's side. He was already running to them, and he knew that Wufei and Trowa were not far behind him. He was almost to Amei, when he suddenly stopped. She had begun to glow.  
  
***  
  
Heero was already in motion as his body took control. Reactions so ingrained in his body forced him to pull out his gun, and shoot the door, and then kick it open. He had heard a gun shot, and was already running to the source. He was liquid motion as he raced through the hallway, and sought to find where the sound came from. The perfect soldier part of his brain, the child that had been drilled for so long made him hold the gun in his hand, and run looking for the viper in the midst. Another shot echoed through the hall, and he quickly changed direction to follow it. He knew he was almost there when he heard voices in the distance...  
  
"What the hell is this!"  
  
"Am I dreaming?"  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
He finally turned the corner, and had to skid to a halt to avoid running over anyone.  
  
And came face to face with one of the strangest sights that he had ever seen in his life. Quickly he took stock of the situation, as he held off the feeling of shock. Right in front of him was the body of a dead girl, and right beyond that was another body. He was a short guy, with a long braid lying next to his head. But he saw all of that in an instant, and focused on what made his mind nearly shut down.  
  
Because kneeling over him was a girl, and she was resting her hands on his chest. And she was glowing.  
  
He had to look away from her she was shining so bright that his eyes couldn't handle it. Instead he once more looked at the boy underneath her, and at her hands. He stared in a state of shock as the wound under her hands slowly closed, and the blood began to vanish.  
  
He didn't know how long he stood there, but finally the girl's head fell down to her chest, and she said. "It is done."  
  
And the voice blew his mind away. He knew that voice, yet.how could it be? While his mind tried to register what he had just seen, a name fell from his lips.  
  
"Usagi."  
  
***  
  
Usagi wanted nothing more than to lay down, and sleep for a week. She had never healed anyone like this before, and she never knew it could be so exhausting. But she had done it. Duo would be just fine, and after a good sleep he would wake without a scratch on him. She smiled in accomplishment, when what she had just done caught up with her.  
  
She looked at her friends, who were all looking at her as if she was a freak, and said, "It is done." In order to assure them that their friend was all right. She wanted to explain everything to them, in order to have them like her again. But she had thrown caution to the winds, and followed her heart. She wished with all of her heart that they could forgive her, but all of the worries were banished from her mind by a voice behind her.  
  
"Usagi."  
  
She whipped her head around at the name that she hadn't heard in so long, and made eye contact with a boy that she had never seen before. But he was looking at her as if he knew her. And he said. "Usagi, is that you?"  
  
"That voice." She whispered as it caught up to her. She had heard that voice before, in her dreams and in another world. He mellow voice that she could wrap herself into.the voice she was sure she would never hear again.  
  
And she knew she was staring at her soul mate, her hero. "Heero." And her world fell away, and all that was left were those Prussian blue eyes.and that face she had tried to imagine, but had never before been permitted to see.  
  
***  
  
Sailor Pluto's eyes snapped open, and she came out of her trance. She had been waiting for months to feel that power again, that power that she knew the wielder wouldn't contain for long. And now she had a trace.a trace to locate a power so great she hadn't ever believed it was possible.  
  
And she knew that she couldn't leave it to itself, to destroy.and to kill.  
  
***  
  
Heero couldn't take his eyes off his angel, his soul mate. So many times he had dreamed what he would say, what he would do when he finally met her in person. Not that he had ever believed it was possible. Not in his heart of hearts. But now she was here, right in front of him. And he couldn't say, couldn't DO anything! He just started at her. Trying to memorize her face. It was different than the one she remembered, but it was still Usa, his Usa.  
  
She was the first one to move, as she stood and stepped away from the boy on the ground. Heero felt a flash of jealously that she could care for this boy enough to do what she had for him. She had touched, and she had healed him. But he willed it away in order to memorize her eyes. And he also took a step forward.  
  
They were now a foot apart, but both of them were too afraid to move. Scared to death that they would realize it was just their imagination. Frightened that if they touched the other, their soul mate would vanish into mist as they were forced to come face to face that all of their hopes and dreams weren't real.  
  
Finally Heero held out his hand, wishing that Usagi would only take it and they would be together. He waited for a painful instant until she lifted up her own, and touched her palm to his.  
  
Just knowing she was real was enough, and Heero couldn't contain himself anymore. He pulled the arm, and propelled her right into his arms. He clasped tightly to her, knowing now that he had her, he would never let her go.  
  
***  
  
Usagi was in heaven, which was the only thing it could be. She was held safe in the arms of the only man she could ever love, while she had never dared believe such a thing could happen. And his arms were real, and his face was real, and she buried her face into his chest, and willed to world, and all of its pains to go away. Nothing mattered anymore; not that she had Heero. It would all be OK, and nothing could ever go wrong.  
  
***  
  
Pluto was ready, she had prepared herself. She would take this possible enemy, and put it in the only place that she could watch it. The only place where it's power could be watched, and if necessary destroyed. She reached out with her mind.and pulled.  
  
***  
  
Heero was pushed back by a force that was anything but physical. He tried to keep his hold on Usa, but he felt her slipping through his fingers. He was pushed back so hard that he flew through the air, and right into a wall. He couldn't take his eyes off of Usa, and he got to his feet and started running to her. Something was taking her away. A purple portal had appeared under her feet, and it was pulling her down into it. He ran as fast as he could towards her, hoping desperately that he would be in time. Now that he had had her, he didn't think he could ever be without her again.  
  
But he had been pushed so far away, that even running full-tilt, by the time he had reached her.she was gone. And there was nothing left.  
  
***  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, I guess that was all right. It wasn't exactly what I had planned, but these things have a way of writing themselves. So what do you think? It took me forever to write this chapter, and I feel like an immense load is lifted now that it's finally done.  
  
And here is the end of inner strength. It was getting long and drawn out anyway, and it's about time it's finally over with. So goodbye you all, and enjoy your lives. It's been real.  
  
UNLESS.  
  
Well, now that I think about it, the story really doesn't have to end there. I mean, if you really want me to I suppose I could write a sequel or something. Write about where Pluto too Usagi, and Heero's search for her if you really want me to.  
  
But it would take a lot of time, and I do have school.  
  
Anyway, it's really up to you. If you want me to have a sequel, just tell me and I would be more than happy to have one. But I would need people to read it, and I would need to know it's wanted.  
  
So, Ja ne  
  
Or not.  
  
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have anything to say. 


End file.
